1. I.A. By the Barn

    I.A. By the Barn A very lost time traveller Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,240
    Likes Received:
    976
    Location:
    Tomorrow

    A smile like a puddle?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by I.A. By the Barn, Jun 14, 2016.

    This makes sense in my mind, but does it make sense to others? I'm trying to describe those little wobbly smiles that a full to the brim with sadness yet seem still genuine, like you've made a tiny bit of that sadness go away and they're grateful. Ah, I don't even know what I'm rambling on about anymore but if you could help it'd be greatly appreciated...
     
    jannert likes this.
  2. peachalulu

    peachalulu Member Reviewer Contributor

    Joined:
    May 20, 2012
    Messages:
    4,406
    Likes Received:
    3,354
    Location:
    occasionally Oz , mainly Canada
    Hmm. Not getting the puddle link to sadness.
    You've got a lot to convey. Maybe a metaphor isn't the best option maybe you need to spell it out a bit more with a tell or an action. Whose pov is it - is the mc the one smiling or the one looking at the smile?
     
  3. Lifeline

    Lifeline North of South. Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2015
    Messages:
    3,039
    Likes Received:
    4,233
    Location:
    On the Road.
    Why don't you use your own words, like you described it at the top of the thread? These convey the sense quite well..

    But I agree with @peachalulu , I am also not getting the link to puddles. Puddles in my mind are murky things, which you may be prone to step into and wet your feet. Sorry ;)
     
  4. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2015
    Messages:
    17,425
    Likes Received:
    26,257
    Location:
    Where cushions are comfy, and straps hold firm.
    I am going to use the Dawnstar defense on your smile like puddle. She has what has been called 'butter face', which is not exactly a good thing. :p But I can kinda see what you mean if you were to see someone with that type of facial description having a puddle smile.
    DawnStar.jpg
     
  5. I.A. By the Barn

    I.A. By the Barn A very lost time traveller Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,240
    Likes Received:
    976
    Location:
    Tomorrow
    Thanks, @peachalulu it is someone looking at the smile, if that makes any difference. @Lifeline I thought rambling on wouldn't be very clear, but if you think it conveys the message, that's good! @Cave Troll , I'm glad I'm not the only one who could see a facial expression like that :)
     
    Cave Troll likes this.
  6. matwoolf

    matwoolf Banned Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    6,806
    Likes Received:
    10,125
    Location:
    Yorkshire
    Her smile, a puddle in a pudding, blah blah, blah, blah blah [?]
     
    jannert and Cave Troll like this.
  7. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    17,367
    Likes Received:
    19,151
    Location:
    Scotland
    That one is REALLY wobbly....
     
    matwoolf likes this.
  8. tonguetied

    tonguetied Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    May 23, 2014
    Messages:
    566
    Likes Received:
    231
    Location:
    Central Florida: land of fire and sand
    Her smile was like a puddle, you don't want to step in but you can't resist getting your feet wet too.
     
    Cave Troll likes this.
  9. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    17,367
    Likes Received:
    19,151
    Location:
    Scotland
    I don't know about a smile like a puddle ...if I came across that I really would not know what to make of it. But here's the thing. I could swear I've read of somebody having a 'watery smile.' I wonder if that makes sense. It doesn't when you think about it, but it kinda does.

    I've also heard of 'eyes puddled with tears,' which usually means the tears have gathered but haven't fallen yet.
     
    peachalulu and Cave Troll like this.
  10. matwoolf

    matwoolf Banned Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    6,806
    Likes Received:
    10,125
    Location:
    Yorkshire
    If MC took a mouthful of something in the sentence before it would all be perfect.
     
    jannert likes this.
  11. Laurin Kelly

    Laurin Kelly Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2016
    Messages:
    2,373
    Likes Received:
    3,789
    I believe I've used "watery smile" in the past to describe someone who is both smiling and teary at the same time. Not sure if it's good writing, but I know I've both read it elsewhere and included it in previous works.
     
  12. matwoolf

    matwoolf Banned Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    6,806
    Likes Received:
    10,125
    Location:
    Yorkshire
    rheumy
     
  13. Mckk

    Mckk Member Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2010
    Messages:
    6,429
    Likes Received:
    4,410
    This is what I imagined as a "puddle" expression:

    puddle.jpg

    Anyway, I actually like the idea, but it might work better as part of a lengthier descriptive passage rather than a lone similie. I imagine it may work as an interesting metaphor, but there will need to be context, a pre-established reference before the word "puddle" is used on its own to mean a smile.
     
  14. I.A. By the Barn

    I.A. By the Barn A very lost time traveller Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,240
    Likes Received:
    976
    Location:
    Tomorrow
    Alright, I think puddles don't work as metaphors... without explanation, which negates the fact its a metaphor. @Mckk , my god, that is terrifying yet I couldn't stop giggling for a while!
     
    jannert and Mckk like this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice