1. Published on Amazon? If you have a book, e-book, or audiobook available on Amazon.com, we'll promote it on WritingForums.org for free. Simply add your book to our Member Publications section. Add your book here or read the full announcement.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Dismiss Notice
  1. J.C Adkins

    J.C Adkins Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2015
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Michigan, U.S.A

    A word to describe how he said: "Whatever you say, boss"

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by J.C Adkins, May 6, 2015.

    The situation is a gunman was shooting at the MC, but a transmission through his radio told him to desist.
    How would he say "Whatever you say, boss."
    Assuming that the gunman is a gritty person that is disappointed by the order, but not enough to disobey it, or simply doesn't care either way because it's just a job to him.
     
  2. B93

    B93 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2012
    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    33
    Maybe those words are sufficient without an adverb. If not, his subsequent action, or comment after he gets off the radio may indicate his reaction.
     
  3. VirtuallyRealistic

    VirtuallyRealistic Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2015
    Messages:
    160
    Likes Received:
    77
    Location:
    Wisconsin, USA
    "He said with a sigh." That would show his disappointment with the order.

    I'm trying to think of a good adverb, but am not coming up with anything. Will come back if anything hits me.
     
  4. Stacy C

    Stacy C Banned

    Joined:
    May 3, 2015
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    127
    Location:
    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind
    These days, he would just say, "Copy that". If you need the reader to know he doesn't like the order, maybe "Copy that", he sneered.
     
    TheWingedFox likes this.
  5. Woof

    Woof Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2014
    Messages:
    255
    Likes Received:
    122
    Disparagingly... but that's a bit of a mouthful. Scathingly? With contempt? Scorn? Disdain? Derision? That is, if you really need a word and not an action... e.g. spitting, or taking his time to fully comply.
     
  6. peachalulu

    peachalulu Contributing Member Reviewer Contributor

    Joined:
    May 20, 2012
    Messages:
    3,874
    Likes Received:
    2,440
    Location:
    occasionally Oz , mainly Canada
    Maybe just write in something beforehand.
    I like to work in a bit of context and description and then let the dialogue shine without any adverbs. Not that I hate them I just don't find any use for them after I build up the scene or context.

    There was a glint in his eye and a small sneer on his lips as he toyed with the gun. Wheels in his brain going round and round behind that hard face with the idea so clear in that glint; pretend you didn't hear the order. He lowered the gun. "Whatever you say boss." - example.
     
    KaTrian likes this.
  7. TheWingedFox

    TheWingedFox Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2015
    Messages:
    214
    Likes Received:
    80
    Location:
    London
    Often 'received' or 'affirmative' are used too, following the proper radio communication protocols (The Royal Signal training I did highlighted brevity* as an important rule, although that doesn't always help in a dramatic setting!)

    'Tersely' would imply displeasure; "brief and direct in a way that may seem rude or unfriendly".


    * ie, at work I say simply 'send' rather than 'send me your message'. It's more concise, and has a clear meaning in the context, but rather sparse. Of course, people don't always follow proper protocol and what is said over the radio waves, and I'm sure it's as true for the Bravo Zero Ones as anyone.
     
  8. KaTrian

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2013
    Messages:
    6,065
    Likes Received:
    4,149
    Location:
    Ringed City
    I think something like this could work. Set up the mood of the character, show what he's like, and the reader will hear the "right" tone of voice (whatever feels right to them).

    I'm reading Clavell's Shogun right now, and I'm so envious of his ability to write such dialogue that I keep hearing the tones, nuances, everything while I read it. They might not be exactly what he heard while writing, but I doubt it matters. It's just so lively and real.
     
    peachalulu likes this.
  9. Hwaigon

    Hwaigon Contributing Member Reviewer

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2012
    Messages:
    651
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    Second to the right, and straight on till morning.
    I'd go with a bored, choppy, delayed "Copy."
     
  10. Aaron DC

    Aaron DC Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    May 12, 2015
    Messages:
    2,610
    Likes Received:
    1,318
    Location:
    At my keyboard
    begrudgingly.
     
    Hwaigon likes this.

Share This Page