I might be a little too active here already for it only being like my third day lol. However, I have a question I want to discuss with y'all... I'm working on a story based in the boondocks of Arkansas, and as the main character is a Los Angeles native, something I really want to highlight is the southern "redneck" accents of the people in this town. Now, it's not uncommon to see certain characters in a book with accented dialogue -- Hagrid of Hogwarts, for example. But, when 50+ percent of the characters have this accented dialogue (as would be the case in my novel), does that become annoying to read or more enjoyable? Because in my experience, most heavily defined accents are slower to read. So th' questchin is, in frequent dialogue, 're accents a good/acceptable thang to have, er do thay just b'come a hassle when too many characters have 'em?
If it was all written like the last sentence in your post, then I think that would be too much for over half the dialogue in a work. If you're going to do it, I say do it sparingly, with just a little bit here and there to reinforce the fact that they're speaking that way in the ear of the reader. It doesn't take a lot to make this work, and without annoying the reader in the process.
How would you write your own accent, if you were writing yourself into a book? That's the approach I'd take when writing someone else's accent.
It won’t be written like that haha. That was for a bit of fun, but an example of how I actually plan to write it would be more like, “Mama says it’s rude to look a lady in the eyes. Says it’s demeanin’. I don’t well know what she means, ‘cause it’s supposed to be respectful to look a man in the eyes that same way, but I know that she’s gotta be right. Papa done told me many a time, Mama’s always right.”
Heh. I figured you were having fun with that sentence, but didn't want to assume The actual example--well, that one doesn't bother me. I think the best thing to do is go ahead and write it the way you envision it. If you or your readers feel that it is overdone when the story is complete, you can always go back in and cut down on that kind of dialogue until you feel you've found the right balance.
My own accent (east Texan) is much like an Arkansas drawl—so were I trying too hard to be accurate, it’d go much like the last sentence in my post. But I know well and good that would be far too much for a published book.
Going by your sample, I think it's fine. I'm usually ambivalent about portraying accents, because it can add a certain something to your narrative but there's definitely a point at which it becomes insufferable. For me your method doesn't cross the line.
A trick that is sometimes used in the movies could work here, I guess. When a character starts speaking, let's say, Elven (but we are supposed to understand it) his speech is translated with subtitles during a couple of first phrases to establish a "feel" of his language, and then fades in to a normal language. Furter on it's either a couple of first words he says in Elven to remind us on his speech specifics, or just a normal speech. I think you could try starting with heavy accent in the first couple of pages when you introduce your character, and then proceed with a milder version, just with a couple of "accented" words thrown in here and there as a reminder.
I would use word choice and not phonetics. So I’d change “demeanin’” to “demeaning”. I’m not sure about “‘cause”.
