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  1. jeffgreen

    jeffgreen New Member

    Oct 10, 2008
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    Advice for my creative writing story?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by jeffgreen, Oct 10, 2008.

    Hey, I am a junior in high school and am in a creative writing elective. We have to write a short story and I though I did a good job until we started reading some. I still like mine but I need you guys not only to help me and if you have any ideas of how to make my story longer and better I am all ears. I'll post my story:


    It was Halloween night; Robert and Brian were trick or treating in the residential area of Sunny Springs, a small town in the western part of Morgan County. Exhausted after walking around town, Rob declared that they visit one more house before retiring for the night, Brian agreed. They hurried down Martin Road until they reached a dead end, to there left they saw a gate, they opened it and continued on their way. The last house on Martin Road was a gigantic mansion the size of at least ten normal sized houses like the ones on Martin; Brian nearly fell twelve feet after slipping on a crumbled piece of rock which acted as on of the main stairs up the hill to the magnificent mansion.

    The boys made their way up the hill and up to the front door of the house. The old mansion had to have been at least 200 years old so there was no doorbell, Rob managed to find an intercom, he pressed the button to talk and then suddenly a trap door opened up beneath their feet. The boys traveled down the long tube and landed in a cage in what appeared to be a dungeon beneath the mansion. The dungeon was wet, water seemed to be leaking from the ceiling and the floor was cold as ice. Frightened beyond belief, the boys had yet to encounter what was to come. Rob began to hear footsteps from above; Brian heard them too “What was that??” said Brian, “I think someone knows we’re down here! Oh no!” said Rob. The entrance to the dungeon opened, the door ajar, a tall figure came out from the shadows and into the room the boys were in, this figure was none other than the Wizard Sedridor.
    “Behold! My lab!” said the wizard; Brian and Rob peered around the room which did not appear to look very much like a lab until the wizard pulled a lever to reveal a large cauldron in the middle of the room. “What are you going to do with that!?” said Brian, “Boil you of course!” said the dark wizard. Rob nearly wet himself, in fact, they were both terrified and there appeared to be no way out of their cage and no way out of the dungeon except for the staircase. The boys both agreed (without even speaking) that they needed to wait until Sedridor let them out of the cage so that they could run for the stair case, at least that was the only plan they could come up with.. “Let’s get you boys out of that cage and into the cauldron. The jail door opened and Rob made a break for it “Halt!” said Sedridor; the dark wizard cast a spell on the boy and he was literally frozen on the staircase. Petrified, Brian obeyed the wizard, he had no idea what to do about his friend, needless to say he was just worried about surviving at this point. Sedridor placed Brian inside the large pot while Sedridor went into the other room for ingredients. In a panic, Brian searched for something to get his friend un-frozen, he saw it, on the left side of the room there was a blue colored potion labeled “Anti-Freeze”, Brian nabbed it.
    Rob was still alive, technically, he just couldn’t do anything. Brian ran up to Rob and poured the entire bottles worth of anti freeze on his friend, in a split second Robert came back to life (well, un-frozen). Without even uttering a single word, the boys ran up the stairs and shut the door. “Nice try boys, do you really think I’d let you two escape my grasp?!” Brian went to the right, Rob took the left and Sedridor appeared to teleport somewhere. The boys managed to make it outside and met up in what appeared to be the rear of the house, only it wasn’t a backyard, it was about ten acres worth of graves. They walked up to one which read: Thomas Book, 1980-1995. The boys’ hearts dropped; the dark wizard grew from several feet to several hundred, the boys made a break for the fence a mile ahead. The boys dodged fire and ice missiles in an effort to survive.
    The dark wizard seemed to continue growing; halfway across the graveyard the boys figured that if they could dodge everything Sedridor threw at them they would have ample time to hop the fence and use the woods to go across town with the trees as coverage. “Mwahahahaha!!!” yelled the dark wizard as he grew to well over a mile high, his arms above his head, charging one last missile targeted at the young men. Adrenaline kicked in, Rob and Brian jumped the fence and ran into the woods; Sedridor lost them. With one last attempt, the Sedridor launched the green ball of fire which flew threw the air and into the woods. Rob and Brian watch the missile overhead which landed a few miles in front of them. The boys had escaped, the wizard had lost their trail, they were free.
    Robert and Brian appeared to be alright, they were badly injured due to being hit by the sides of the wizards’ fire but they were ambulatory and able to communicate. After a few hours of walking through the woods they managed to reach Hollow Crest, the town they lived in. The morning sun was coming up and the boys agreed it had been one hell of a night they had. The boys lived across the street from each other. Before going inside Brian shouted “Let’s go out again next year!” Brian replied “You Bet!”. They shut their doors and that was that.
  2. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    May 19, 2007
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    Massachusetts, USA
    1. This is the wrong forum for posting your writing.
    2. You may not post asking for homework help at all on this site.
    3. When you join a new forum, you might wish to start by reading the rules.

    Thread closed. Clang.
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