All you women/girls out there - quick question

This is specifically to girls/women, but if some guy/dude thinks they have mastered the art of writing believable female characters, they can chime in too:

What do you think are the most common mistakes writers make in writing female characters?

Is there any feminine characteristics/details that would invoke a sense of a well written female character? (Specifically this is important to me)

Any good material for me to look at so I can get better at developing a female character?

how does a female character react differently to an environment they find themselves in?

Anyway, I'm not quite having trouble making my female characters. But I think that could be my arrogance speaking, which is why I wanted to get some extra perspectives and specifically the female perspective so that I can represent them better in my book.

Let me also say that my approach to characterisation is that everyone's a person first and foremost, so there won't be much difference in terms of the core character drives. Also I'm not really looking for female tropes or something. But specifically, as I've said earlier, I'd be interested in reading about what details/characteristics make a female character feel more real.

Anyway thanks in advance!

 

As you note, women are people. Create a believable person, pop the person into a female body, and call it good.

 

You are mostly right, of course, but we're still living in a gendered society. That means, boys and girls are raised differently, taught different things and are confronted with different expectations towards them.
That makes for some differences among men and women once they've grown up.

And this is then overlaid by things like personal experience and individual upbringing, and also influenced by age.

For example, the elderly women in my community garden often don't dare to handle certain tools or do certain things, while I am very confident in using them. But I was raised in a way that made me learn those things and I'm also 40 years younger.

Additionally, there is the topic of sexuality.
I remember reading about the experience of a trans woman who reported that she experienced sexuality much more holistically after starting HRT.
And then you have the anecdotes of adolescent boys and young men constantly thinking about sex which doesn't seem quite as pronounced among adolescent girls and young women. But again this is overlaid by the individual characteristics of a person.

Soooo, Chromewriter's question is not completely unfounded.


I would say, @Chromewriter, go and write your character as good as you can and then ask beta readers of several sexes and genders for their opinions whether the character is believable or not.

And if you write a fantasy society that functions differently than ours, you should of course take this into consideration too. If boys and girls are raised exactly the same and if it's a very egalitarian society, then the cultural differences between genders will not play a big role and only individual differences remain. If it's a strongly gendered society, this will be impactful.

If you're writing a fantasy race with different biology, maybe there is more or less difference between how the sexes experience sexuality.

 

But there must be SOME differences? I watched something once and the detail stuck out with me; A girl (A) at a bar with her friend (B) and when the friend leaves to go to the toilet, the girl (A) says she would look after her drink. Girl (B) laughs and says whatever. The interaction stuck with me, guys don't "Look after each other's drinks", it's not a thing we give a shit about or consider. But this detail was important to the character building, girl (A) is conscientous and careful, girl (B) is naive and careless. It's a detail that is very specific to girls. My reading of the situation is that girls look after each other's drinks because they are worried about being roofied.

It wasn't explicitly said, but it would nearly never be mentioned if they were guys. At least, I don't think so. I never had a guy saying they would "look after my drink", the fuckers (my friends) would most likely drink it away or something.

 

The fantasy world I'm creating is pretty generic, female inequality is not something I feel strongly about so it's not showcased so much in my world. However, I want to accumulate or think of different details when designing the characters, so it's most to see if you guys had any insights to give at all.

 

The biggest difference, as one female writer explained to me, is that when it comes to sex (and when does anything come to anywhere else?), women are far more concerned about consequences. A man's roll in the hay is almost never life-changing the way a pregnancy is, with a woman having to decide whether to have an abortion or give up the child. Or raise it, effectively derailing any plans she may have had for her life. So she tends to take relationships a lot more seriously than a man might take them.

That same woman also pointed out that she's intimidated by people who are larger then she is, and feels very vulnerable. And since almost all men are larger than she is, and many like to press that advantage to hit on her or otherwise persuade her to do something, she's living in a lot more fear than most men are.

 

This is one of many threads I've read looking for the secret formula to making female characters seem "authentically female." Alas, there is no check list of feminine characteristics that translate into "this guy really knows how to create believable female characters." Women have backgrounds and upbringings so different that it's almost impossible to point to anything beyond biology that says, "common characteristic of women," and even biology can be deceptive.

Just for fun, games, and illustration, here are character sketches of two women I know. I offer them in hopes they might give you some clue as to what might make a female character believable, and also because I like writing character sketches, it has been a long day, and I am feeling self-indulgent.. The names have been changed, etc.

Cee worked as a heavy machinery mechanic for a civilian company providing support for American forces in Afghanistan and was wounded in two separate bombings. Was raised the same as her brother and did the same work on their family ranch that brother, father, and mother did. There were some differences in upper body strength, but she had the musculature of a competitive swimmer, and also learned to work smarter, not harder. Runs her own ranch now. She did have to deal with menstruation and breasts while her brother didn't, she gave birth to children, and she never had to shave her face. She doesn't live in fear of much, and if she's scared, she keeps it to herself. She dealt with bias about being a female in a mostly male field and has little patience with gender expectations of others.

Amy worries about her appearance, her breath, whether she shaved her legs that morning before putting on stockings, what people think of her, how she can look her most attractive at all times. She shrinks if the conversation gets too vehement. Her parents expected her to excel in college and sent her to Bryn Mawr. She works with numbers, cares very much about advancing up the ladder in her company, is a bit of a social snob, volunteers for Big Brothers Big Sisters, and plays a killer game of tennis. She can't change a tire but she can add up a string of numbers in her head faster than most folks can type them into a calculator. She likes to bake and burns calories like a furnace burns coal. Amy has a genetic disorder that causes hair on her face which is a huge trial and shame to her. About all she has in common with Cee is menstruation and breasts.

That was fun and self-indulgent, but I hope it was a useful illustration. If not- oh, well.

 

What you can do is include the rapport women have with other women.

The company I keep is almost exclusively male and to make it worse, almost all of them are Alpha males (not something I specifically searched for but it happened nonetheless and I don't regret it one bit!); but when there's a woman around I can 'let my guard down a little' with her. If that makes sense. I understand what the other woman is most likely feeling with regard to the men (intimitating, shy, not wanting to speak out). When it's us sitting around in a social setting, I gravitate towards the women to talk 'shop', feelings and daily challenges like juggling kids and grocery shopping. We don't talk much or long and always mix with the men again, but the ease I feel with others of my sex is certainly there.

I haven't seen that portrayed in fiction much.

 

Don't look at this as a difference between genders, because it isn't. This is a response to the environment, the society we live in for this example. Women don't look after each other's drinks because they're female. They look after each other's drinks because they are in an environment where a woman could have her drink spiked. It's a product of gender roles and inequality in our society. If you were to write a story in a setting where society is different, where there is none of that sexual predation, your female characters probably wouldn't be worried about looking after their drinks.

It doesn't matter what someone's gender is, they are a person. There are many aspects of a character that can change how they interact with their environment, but gender is just one of those. Age, social status, physical strength, mental health conditions, past trauma, and many others all play a role. Yes women display different behavior in bars than men, but things like income and age also affect how people behave. People are people, characters are characters. Think about every aspect of a character when deciding how they will act in any given situation.

 

Fair point! A woman in western society will act differently compared to middle Eastern or Asian societies based on societal pressures. I guess I should also update my thread to answer that this is also a part of my question, "how does a female character react differently to an environment they find themselves in?"

Someone earlier mentioned that woman are also careful about sex, but depending on the culture, that can be expressed differently. But my intent was not to find a be all and end all cookie cutter detail, just some examples to give me inspiration. Just stuff I'd have to think about while writing. People have given excellent answers so far for that purpose.

So anyway, thanks for everything so far guys.

 

I disagree with one thing; I asked women when a moose was the real font of wisdom all along and you cannot change my mind about that!

But in all seriousness that's a very detailed answer that I was looking for. I'm actually already surrounded by women in my daily life (I'm a nurse), so I didn't think I needed to research it more either. Plus I'm married to one so that should've helped as well. But my writers voice isn't confident right now, so I'd rather just approach people who have thought about it as well.

Also, the only issue I had is that girls irl that I encounter don't tend to think like writers and they can't understand all the details that differentiates their experiences from men. Which is why I asked the people here, who I'd think have more discernable eyes- or I guess more interested in the process.

But since everyone has given great answers, I feel like I should chip in also. My pet peeve is when they make a female character be depicted as powerful by making them act like a hyper masculine man (or sometimes borderline psychopath). There is power in the ways that females tend to be sensitive as well, so why can't we depict those qualities in a powerful way?

 

Another set up, I specifically liked the depiction of female characters in these movies in particular:

The girl with a dragon tatoo
Mulan
Gone Girl
Mad Max fury road
Ex machina (ok she's still sorta female)
Phantom Thread

Mainly I think is because they subvert the trope of how to become more powerful than men and it wasn't about being stronger or faster than them. I think I'm fascinated about the whole power dynamic between men and women when the female is the protagonist.

 

Ok I won't spam anymore, but another interesting topic about this whole thing is that females are usually depicted through the eyes of the male gaze.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-male-gaze-5118422

So I guess I'd have to especially careful that my own gaze doesn't get in the way.

 

You might also take what may, on the surface, appear to be a negative approach to the problem. Ask women what stereotypes ABOUT women do they dislike reading in books? The opinions won't be universal, of course, but they might prove instructive. (And ditto the other way around—what stereotypes of men do MEN hate reading about?)

One stereotype I dislike about women is their supposed obsession with their appearance. Obviously, if they are trying to attract a mate, they will be more conscious, perhaps, on how they are coming across to said prospective mate. Ditto if they are trying to make a specific impression on somebody in particular ...like to get a job, etc. But in ordinary circumstances? Some of us are a lot more bothered about appearance than others.

Some have huge wardrobes. Some design themselves a bit of a uniform, and tend to wear the same type of clothing whenever possible. Some prefer sensible comfort over anything else. Some will choose girly-'pretty' over comfort most of the time. (And interesting that girly and comfort are usually at odds with one another. Why is that, I wonder? Why do women torture themselves in ways that would never occur to a man? High heeled shoes as standard gear, which means walking and running and stair-climbing become problematic. Carrying a bag instead of pockets or a backpack—which means one hand is always occupied? Makeup. Fussy hairstyles that need lots of upkeep?)

I've known women who won't leave the house without makeup. I've known women (myself included) who never have worn makeup of any kind. And I've known many who wear makeup on occasion, but don't most of the rest of the time. Some wear makeup if and when it's expected. Some wear makeup only when they're in the mood.

Some women are effortlessly elegant and well-groomed, with never a hair out of place, spotless clothing, etc. (How they manage that is a mystery to me.) Others, like me, can't stay unwrinkled to save our lives, and any time we put on a white garment of any kind, it immediately attracts some kind of crap which will get plastered on it. Some women are very fashion-conscious and always look like a page out of Vogue. Some are fashion conscious, but are aware their body type doesn't fit ...this may bother them or not. They may try to conform, or may just say bugrit, or make their own highly individual fashion statements, and to hell with opinion, body shape, etc. Some just walk away from the entire concept of 'fashion.' Some want to be fashionable, but get it 'wrong.' (Like a landlady of mine, who used to wear a shawl made out of a folded-over chenille child's bedspread. It did not have quite the bohemian effect she intended.)

The approach—ask women!—might give you a better idea of what to avoid. Then you can concentrate on building a believable character, working around the stereotypes. Basic biology aside, you can create just about any kind of character you want, and give them whatever personality fits your story.

I had fun creating one of my main secondary female characters (who is very much a female) by basing her on a guy I know (who is very much a male!) That can also be very instructive.

 

This is going to be controversial, but here goes.

I do believe there are some gender differences (other than the obvious physical ones) that are pronounced (but never universal). Women prefer to be chased rather than chase. Women prefer men taller than them (and taller than the average man). Women tend to be more empathetic.

However, I also think that group traits tend to be a weak signal on top of the extreme noise that are individual differences.

There are also stereotypes about women that I firmly believe are unfounded, like that women are more emotional. I think men and women may react differently to emotional situations, but I have never seen a broad difference in my personal or professional life.

I think the advice you (@Chromewriter) got above is good advice, especially @jannert’s advice about avoiding cringe-y stereotypes.

 

This is probably too obvious to say, but I think avoiding a fixation on breasts would be good. In King’s Carrie there is one point where he describes a whistle hanging in between the gym teachers breasts. In Clancy’s Jack Ryan series, he describes Ryan’s wife as perfect, except her unfortunately small breasts. Another time Clancy has a scene where a man gets shot, and a TV correspondent who is reporting live has her white blouse sprayed with blood; she freaks out and rips it off, revealing her ample bosom to the viewers.

I admit that last one was fun for the 13 year old MonteCarlo, but more mature men and women can do without that sort of stuff.

 

A female writer friend once told me a great advice: those writers who claim you can just switch a character's sex about and call it a day likely never wrote a scene where their POV character was walking home alone at night.

 

Yes, and that's where the 'put yourself in your character's shoes' comes into play. Your characters are more than just a gender in a body. They are in an environment, have cultural things to deal with, memories, etc. So just pretend you are 'them' in the same situation as you put them into. In a way, it's no different from writing ANY character. You have to imagine what it's like to be them.

 

Can’t remember who the author was, but he was renowned for writing women well, and when asked in an interview what his secret was, he replied, “I don’t write women, I just write people.”

 

This is true for contemporary middle and lower class people, but it could be different for some superrich people (I don't know) and it was also a bit different in former times. As far as I know your dress was very important for your respectability in at least the 18th and 19th century.
Individuality wasn't as pronounced back then as it is today. So, adult women would try to wear the fashionable silhouette and also have all the clothing articles and accessories that are necessary to be "respectable".
In some time periods that meant wearing a head covering when you went out of your home.
Or wearing stays or a corset.
Nowadays it might be ok to rush to the supermarket in sweatpants, but there were times when your neighbours would start talking when you appeared in public in a teagown.

So, if you write a world that is inspired by historic periods, you might want to think about the question how much individuality was allowed and how much conformity was expected. And whether high-society ladies were under more or less pressure to keep up a certain appearance than women from lower classes.

Of course you can still put some personal style on top. Maybe the character wears all the right things because it's expected from her, but she often has some laces or ribbons undone or stains on her clothing (like jannert ^ ^). Maybe she just shoves a cap over her head without bothering to comb her hair underneath while another character will never be caught dead without an ironed undershirt and perfectly coiffed hair, even if nobody usually sees these things.

Did he name himself after the asshole from "The Matrix"?