Any tips on how to create mystery with limited words?

I have been told the convoluted wording I use when trying to fit in many ideas in a short narration ruins the suspense. Any tips?

 

How short?

 

Limiting the plot to a few pages (2-5 in moderately sized text) is where I have trouble, especially when writing a chapter that has to fit in between related but separate plot lines.

 

What do you mean by Convoluted wording?

 

I have been told I cram wording together to make sentences that ramble (on the verge creating a run on sentence) by using "try hard" wording in order to condense ideas.

 

{Example: cramming words like superfluous or pedantic not to sound smart but to make it shorter than "he was nitpicking the whole idea"

 

Shorter sentences are better at creating suspense than long ones. Short. Punctuated. Sentences.

 

First off, change 'Was nitpicking' to 'nitpicked' and cut the word 'whole' it is an empty adjective that adds nothing.

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Concrete nouns and Active verbs should make up the bulk of your writing.

 

A few questions:

1. What are you trying to write? Short story? Novella? Novel? Screenplay?
2. How far along are you in writing? Word count?
3. Who told you it was "convoluted"? A friend? Relative? Teacher? Professional writer/editor?

The answers will help direct the advice any of us may give you, rather than off-the-cuff comments, which can often be unhelpful.