1. Published on Amazon? If you have a book, e-book, or audiobook available on Amazon.com, we'll promote it on WritingForums.org for free. Simply add your book to our Member Publications section. Add your book here or read the full announcement.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Dismiss Notice
  1. foxanthony

    foxanthony Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2011
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0

    Are these sentences correct?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by foxanthony, Aug 13, 2011.

    Are these sentences punctuated correctly?


    Knees bent, shoulders back, and a glittering sword held high; the man known as ‘The Ghost Killer’ landed before him.

    It swung, and slashed, and jabbed dramatically; illustrating it's master's mortal decree.

    Thanks.
     
  2. minstrel

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2010
    Messages:
    9,112
    Likes Received:
    5,442
    Location:
    Near Los Angeles
    Replace the semicolons with commas. And in the second sentence, it's "its" and not "it's". (And, though it isn't a grammar issue, try to rephrase "illustrating its master's mortal decree". That's a bit over the top.)
     
  3. CH878

    CH878 Active Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2011
    Messages:
    252
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    England
    I'd usually say get rid of the comma before the 'and', but if you're wanting an extra pause for dramatic effect then it works fine. Agree with all of what minstrel says as well.
     
  4. flipflop

    flipflop Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2011
    Messages:
    107
    Likes Received:
    5
    i thought the semicolons were correct
     
  5. skeloboy_97

    skeloboy_97 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2010
    Messages:
    181
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Australia
    So did i actually.
     
  6. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,953
    Likes Received:
    2,072
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    No, the semicolons should be commas.
     
  7. Lightman

    Lightman Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2011
    Messages:
    234
    Likes Received:
    8
    The semi-colons are incorrect. Both sides of a semi-colon (unless you're using it in a list) should be able to function as independent sentences. "Knees bent, shoulders back, and a glittering sword held high" obviously does not.

    Also if you're going with the polysyndeton (repeating the "and"), I'd advise against using the comma. That's aesthetic, though.

    Also, aesthetically speaking, "dramatically" is a rather weak adverb.
     
  8. Radrook

    Radrook Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2010
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    14
    I agree with all the advice given. I do have a question. Why are you calling a man "it"?
    Or is it the ghost you are referring to? If so, then why call it a "him" prior to that?
     
  9. Lightman

    Lightman Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2011
    Messages:
    234
    Likes Received:
    8
    My interpretation of that line is that the writer is referring to a sword or other weapon.
     
  10. Radrook

    Radrook Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2010
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    14
    LOL! OK. That explains it then. Thanks.
     
  11. digitig

    digitig Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2010
    Messages:
    2,502
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Orpington, Bromley, United Kingdom, United Kingdom
    Why? They're decidedly non-standard there.
     
  12. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    10,443
    Likes Received:
    7,080
    Nope; I love and adore semicolons, and find it sad that Americans rarely use them, and I agree that in those sentences they're incorrect.

    ChickenFreak
     
  13. alyal123

    alyal123 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Shouldn't it be, "It swung, slashed and jabbed drammatiacally," Or is that just my imagination?
     

Share This Page