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  1. morningside

    morningside New Member

    Jul 13, 2009
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    Attempt at a semi-realistic plot!

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by morningside, Jul 29, 2009.

    Something struck me yesterday, and I've decided I want to write a realistic story a part from my already written fantasy novel. When I started writing, though, I sort of added a sci-fi twist to it, but I'm curious if it's a decent enough beginning for a plot to continue.

    My idea is one of the main protagonists is a girl (adult) who has fallen in love with the man of her dreams; quite literally. The man is real, not just a figment of her imagination, but he is only living in the real world if she dreams of him the night before. No dream, no man, no love. Somehow, this girl's dreams affect the real world. The segment below sort of subtly shows this (hint: the rain). The story would begin with them getting into some sort of dispute one evening, and her (potentially) never being able to see him again because her dreams won't allow it. Mind you, this is as rough as rough can get, and I'm wondering if it's a plot worth continuing?

    "I remember the evening, it still haunts my dreams. Because of it, he’s now lost. We were both at fault, and we both played a mutual part. The only problem was, my part wasn’t by choice. And now, he was lost.
    Not lost in the normal term, he was very much still alive, and still with me day in and day out. Now, he was lost in my memories, my dreams. Each night my head would sink into the plush feathers beneath. Each morning, the sun broke the horizon, just like clockwork.
    This morning, breaking the trend of clockwork, he was gone. But I knew he would be, before each of my senses made the confirmation. Light filtered through the sheer cotton sheet covering what once was our window. His absence granted everything in our room as mine. My room.
    For today, there was no longer an us.
    The ticking of the clock beside me woke me up.
    Tick. Tock. Tap.
    It followed the patterned rain from my dream, pulling me into consciousness. With both eyes open and focused, the sunlight I was supposed to have awoken to was now laced with subtle rain drops. The wind played with the combined hydrogen and oxygen molecules, pushing it from side to side off the original track towards the ground. Off the cotton sheets in front of the window, I could only pick up on the shadows of the drops, however faint they might be.
    My sigh broke through the silence of an empty room. The rain wouldn’t last long. Though the night before tore at my very being, left me feeling empty, desolate, my heart wasn’t the only thing to burn inside me; everything felt lit aflame. And still, I would have given anything to recreate the past twenty-four hours as I slept. But there was no controlling my dreams, no matter how and what I tried.
    Today became the day following heartbreak, for approaching me with short, disheveled dark blond hair, and a pair of crisp brown eyes, NAME broke my heart. Or, I broke my own heart. With many different points of view, the story changes, grows. The day I met him, until today, my life has yet to remain stagnant."
  2. Rei

    Rei Contributor Contributor

    Aug 2, 2008
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    Adult girl? I think you mean woman.

    Anyway, we're not the people you should be asking. You should be asking yourself. Post this exerpt in the correct section, with a line space between every paragraph (including dialogue each time you change speakers) and I'm sure there will people who would be happy to give you feedback.
  3. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    May 19, 2007
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    Massachusetts, USA
    A story concept means nothing. I can tell you now, it has been done before. What matters is how you write it, the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it.

    There's no point to asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..."

    If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it.

    Please read this thread about What is Plot Creation and Development?

    (and yes, this is a template post, which should give you an idea of how often this comes up.)

    Moreover, this looks too much like an excerpt you are looking to get critiques on, so I am closing the thread.
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