I found that I had this problem. When outlining my story, I would always write down who each character was to be based off of (for mannerisms, vocabulary, actions...) and since the main character tended to be based on me, I would idealize him. I stopped doing that and instead place a character based on me in the background, that way I can be more critical of the main character.
I give my mc's some of my traits and beliefs but not all of them. Ditto the surrounding characters. That way I can keep them at a distance. I've seen writer's have semi-meltdowns when someone attacks or criticizes a scene which is dear to them. I recall someone writing about their divorce or was it a sick child - I'm not sure but when it was critiqued as sounding like the mc was overacting - the writer was furious. Because she'd had lived it so she insisted it was authentic. I think the trouble is feelings can be authentic but translating them into words - they still could use some work. It's not a guarantee that because it has been felt that you've nailed it.
Come to recall it, years ago a woman who sometimes attended a church I served as half-time pastor insisted I read her vanity-press-published novel about an abused wife. It was based on her own experience, she said, and, if I remember correctly, right there on the cover it said what an unforgettable, powerful, heart-wrenching story it was, etc., etc. I did read it, and yes, her ordeal was dreadful. Unfortunately, so was her writing. It was so bad, and she was so sure it was good (because it was All True!), that I was afraid to see her coming at coffee hour after church. I mean, if I gave it anything but unqualified praise, she'd conclude I was an insensitive brute and get me into trouble with the congregation, right? For awhile I was able to tell her honestly that I hadn't had time to finish it. But then I did finish it--- and providentially that Sunday she didn't have time to talk. And somehow or other I didn't see her after that. I feel kind of bad that I lost track of her. I wasn't doing any fiction writing at the time, so I read her book as a pastor, not as a fellow-author. But it was obvious that she was still too close to the events she'd suffered through, and ironically, that kept her from conveying any sense of her suffering on the printed page. The prose seemed designed to detach both the author and the reader from the story: all head; no heart, no gut. With help, counselling, and time, she could have subdued her personal demons and and maybe written something really moving. But not yet.
Yes exactly. Sometimes we can hold things too close that we don't really examine them to see if we're portraying things in the best light like the idea will simply carry it.
