Bragging

Density? I control all matter that ever excisted and ever will exsist.

 

I control all batter that ever existed or will exist. I make cakes rise and I make them fall. I decide when the little bubbles will appear on pancakes.

And when I say all batter, I mean all batter. I even control the person who swings the bats in the baseball games, since they are also batters... and no matter who the pitcher is, I decide if it will be a strike, a hit or a foul, and just where the ball will go. I was the one who kept the Red Sox from winning all those years, and I was the one who finally gave them a break.

 

Break? I control all objects that ever where. I break what I want to break and I leave whole whatever I want left whole.

I can also fix any hole or break in any object.

 

I once broke into Fort Knox, replaced all their gold bars with cheese, then broke into the White House, replaced the desk in the Oval Office with the gold bars, then broke into Fidel Castro's bedroom, replaced his desk with the desk from the Oval Office, and then broke into Riker's Island, left Fidel Castro's desk and took a cheese sandwich... all, just to prove I could do it.

 

I investigated and caught you doing all your shananigins. I stopped them from arresting you just because I was amused at your childish behavior. Besides, I was busy rearraning the planets and making them spin in the opposite direction. Oh, did I meantion I did this while I was sleeping?

 

Who invented the planet spinner universal remote? It was me!

 

Who REALLY invented the remote. I let the plan fall into your hands so that you could be a test subject for my genius. I believed it was radio active, and you have proven it by turning into a dragon. Fascinating. I think I will have to tweak the next remote.

 

Hah! I am such pure awesomeness, I dont need a remote. I just think it and it is so.

Also: I taught Zeus how the whole lightning thing works. so yeah. What now?

 

I gave birth to you all, out of my brain. Beat that.

 

I invented brains.

 

and i gave you the concept of brains.

 

I patented the concept you gave me for free, sold the rights and became the universe's first bazillionaire. Then I used the money to cure all brain disease because I saw the flaws in your concept.

 

AHA! The Patent system was my idea!

 

It may have been your idea, but unfortunately for you, you didn't patent the patent system, for which I hold the patent.

In fact, I have the patent to everything. I also own stock in 51% of the universe, making me ruler of all the universe.

 

Ha! You think there's only one universe out there?

I eat three universes for breakfast every day, on a nice thick slice of Universe toast.

 

I gather the Universes for your breakfast and cook it in pans of my own design that are the only ones that can cook such things. I get the Universes out of my Universe garden. I have so many Universes I can't even count them all. But then again, I did create all the seeds.

 

...And i own another 52% stock in the BIGGER universe(?), and i automatically win cause i am wearing a dragon shirt. Your argument is invalid. Good Day!

 

I created the infinite continuum of universes, and then made it so they all end in 2012 ADD (after the death of DragonGrim)

 

I took a time machine to the future and killed Dragon Grim in the year 2012. Then I created new universes, and set them to be retroactive so that they exist now. They're unaffected by Dragon Grim's death. I then convinced my time-traveling self from the past to be nice and let Dragon Grim live, which he will, until 2065, thus sparing his universes and my universes.

The paradox of DragonGrim both dying and not dying caused a thousand portals to spring up into universes where lovely flowers exist and all is bright and beautiful, and no being can harm the universes.

I added enough spice to my universes, by the way, so that no being could possibly eat them without getting terrible indigestion, and then being under my control, due to the hypnotic power of the spice. Then they would explode, creating a thousand more universes. I put the universes under Charlie Law, by which all wearing dragon shirts will be subject to death.

And I own infinity (to the power of infinity) percent of all the stock in those universes, in a universal stock market that can never go down.

And I did all this while juggling sixteen operating chainsaws and a dozen unbroken eggs.

 

I sabotaged your time machine (which is useless to me because I am omnipotent), so you will die and I inherit the stock market, and i will eat your multiple-universe-pepper-thingy-that-just-might-give-me-terrible-indigestion.

And all of this wearing a dragon shirt and a blindfold, throwing knives. at 10 times light speed. Because F U Einstein and your special relativity theory.

 

Well, I could do all of that wearing 2 dragon shirts, 3 blindfolds and 1,990,990 throwing knives - and guess what? I (cough, cough) am not even confused (cough, cough).

 

I have some cough medicine that can cure that cough for you.

My cough medicine is the best. Always works.

 

I opened the gate that Pestilence rode through. The horseman spread plague after plague, ensuring your cough medicine would sell volumes.

 

My horseman is an ACTUAL horseman.

HE has the torso of a man and the legs of a horse!

 

I am a Sagittarius by birth...so that officially makes me a Horseman....