You got that right. I've had the same best friend since junior high. When we guys mix it up, a fight, one that may even come to blows, perhaps over a woman, or whatever... when it's done, it really is done. Unlike most women, who never forget and rarely forgive; with us guys, a good old fashion fist fight only serves to strengthen a friendship. Indeed, it's something many of us are taught by our fathers during childhood. One Summer, oh I was 12 or 13, and long before Fight Club was written, my friends and I put together a makeshift boxing ring in my backyard. We drew names from a pillow case to see who would box who... and we proceeded to beat one another senseless. When the fight was over you helped your friend up off the ground, or he helped you up, and that was that... until one afternoon my mom came home early from work and put an end to our reverie. The things we learned as boys never leave us.
Well, I'm going to delete that weird thing in a minute. Addressing your point @C - it's when you're immersed in the next 'orrible job or project - and you think 'why did I squander that great freedom? and now I'm at the beck and call...and...' ... I've only had problems in 'the game' when I come across a thicky, and he doesn't get it - that 'we're playing' - this is men. Then, it's regrettable, I have to face up, I have to change, thump him, mmm.
Mmm, I kind of admire that post-war generation - the men with their black hats and white hats philosophies, and my dad was the same, and my old boss - 'sort it out like two fellas.' All that Bonanza gets in the blood.
You're either in the trenches or you're not. I know if I'm ever retired (notice I said if, boomers) it will be time to find relationships in the form of being a mentor...like Mr. Miyagi.
I am struggling with finding friends too. @izzybot seems to have about the same trouble as me- I just don't keep up with people like I should to maintain friendships. Plus, the two places I go to the most- work and church- I am the youngest by a good margin. I do have some people I see at my in-person writers group, and I've also joined a LARP recently so that'll be more socializing. I can only really point at one friendship that ended in a 'break up' more than just drifting away though. I was a teenager at the time, and e had been good friends for a while- couple years? But it got to where a lot of our interactions was focused on writing- everything in fact. And while fun, I wanted to do some other stuff. So when I told her I was gonna stop that, she was upset. Shortly after that, she just- blew up at me. Apparently I was blaming her for my problems, and I don't know what else. Wouldn't listen when I was like 'I was complaining, not blaming' and hasn't really talked to me sense.
That's when my dad taught me to fight, and I'll add... how to not fight fair. My younger brother and I may be 6' 1", and 6' even respectively today, but growing up we were both runts. I was also pushed ahead a year in school so it made it all the worse that I was a skinny lad outmatched physically by just about everyone in my class, including most of the girls. I also had a smart mouth and was coming home on a pretty regular basis bloodied and bruised. With my mother's blessings he took me to the garage and taught me how to 'street fight'. Oh I still got beat up sometimes, but I wasn't scared to stand up for myself, or more importantly as my dad said, to help someone who was being bullied. That was the part that stuck with me, that I may have to help a stranger someday and I better know how to fight if it comes to that. From age 7 on I was a prolific shoplifter, and so it would have gone if I hadn't become reckless and brazen about the practice, and at age 11, one afternoon got caught at the local K-Mart with Hot Wheels in my pocket... made all the more ridiculous since my dad worked at Mattel where they make such cars and of which I had dozens and dozens at home. When my parents came to collect me from the store detective I was pretty much assured a date with my dad's leather belt... but that did not happen. Instead, my dad gave my bicycle to the Salvation Army; the same bike I had saved up for all year doing odd jobs around the neighborhood. "How does it feel to have something you worked hard for taken from you?" was all my dad said. I have never stolen anything since. I think that's what you may mean by, "Macho is fine to a point".
My dad taught me not to punch with my thumb in my fist, and also the 'galloping gooly grip,' - and kind of wish he never taught me that one. I know it's effective - in combat - but it's not very nice especially, and I got a kind of bad reputation with that one - at the boys' school. I haven't used it since my own kids were little. Can't see me using it any time soon. Also, I met a little guy with an obsession for throat punching. He said it was the best punch. That lingered a while, the prospect of being assaulted by this dynamo swinging at my throat. I don't want to be punched in the throat. I always gave him cigarettes and stuff, made his coffee, he was really pumped, 5'2 tall and 5'2 across the shoulders, scary shit, and physical too with his women, he said. He always told me how good he was. I just let him run with it, and agreed - said if he was ever in my part of town, but y'know he was busy down the gym. Lucky.
The only friends I have are the kinds of people who don't mind going months without hearing from me and then we can just pick up like no time has gone by at all. So yeah, I have one friend. As for romantic relationships, I think I am done with those for a while. I have almost always been in a relationship. Got out of a pretty bad 6 year relationship last April and have been single ever since. I never had any of my own space or privacy so I'm enjoying my own space and being able to explore my own interests without having to be a slave to some man, who never appreciated a thing I did. Plus, I have my two kids so I'm never lonely.
"You're tearing me apart me." I got nothing, well can't worry about having more stories to share here I suppose. Unless I can leave me for a better person, but that would mean that I would have to have met someone that wants me. No, that hasn't happened. Anybody got a saw mill saw so I can leave me, I am being unloved by me right now and need to separate and meet someone who will appreciate me. (I miss snuggles and such.)
There is so much to say here, and I am grateful for these posts. Self-respect along with an attitude of acceptance void of indifference are key for me. But of course, that is only what I believe will sustain lasting friendships/relationships. There are many other ways to make things work. I am constantly finding ways to make things work, that is what I do, and I rarely take on a "job" that I can't complete.
Making and keeping friends: An arduous process that is either a waste of time or a great thing. I usually meet plenty of people and can keep them around for...a little while. Mostly though, due to being a rather aloof, sometimes cold person, I lose contact with people. A recent example would be a long time friend of 5 years...who I hadn't spoken with in two months. We texted each other, finally, and talked about the distance between us. Said it was my fault and that it (it being my disinterest in engaging) would never change, so we ended the friendship on friendly terms. As to how I end friendships? Well, I'm just upfront about it. Talk about the lack of connection or interest in discussion etc. Forget about romance. I'm such a bad romantic partner that romance sued me in court for neglect.
I've never been one for social encounters. I don't have many friends and find it relatively easy to become friends with someone I don't know (providing I want to). I don't usually try to become friends with others thought as I'm primarily a shy introvert - so my striking up a conversation (or friendship) with someone else is rare. That said, I have few 'true' friends, and these I have known for years (and some my entire life). As far as breaking relationships. I find honesty is the best answer to that one. But that's probably because I am fairly direct in most situations (and I hate sugar-coating). So, when I dislike someone, I just say it. I also find it easy to not care about things - I can also disassociate myself from my surroundings and act almost without feeling. Something i've picked up through years of depression. Quite useful in certain situations....
