Can I get a crit on the back blurb for my indie pub novel?

I think the most useful advice I've found is to stop thinking of blurbs as summaries and start thinking of them as sales copy. The goal of the blurb isn't to tell people what your story's about: it's to make people want to read your story. Now, yes, some element of the plot and characterization will probably help with that, but they're not the end goal.

So - who is likely to want to read your story, and what are people like that looking for in the stories they read? Check out the blurbs of the top-selling books in your category at Amazon, if you're stuck, and see what they have in common.

I don't know the Christian romantic suspense market very well, but I assume they're looking for real passion between the characters, even if that passion is expressed within the boundaries of religious expectations? Right now, I'm not seeing a drop of romantic interest from the male MC, and the female MC seems to be operating at crush-levels. (I'm assuming this is a duo-POV book? Even if it is, it might be easier to write the query just from one POV). Is it possible to show more of this romantic passion in the query?

And then for the suspense part, is it possible to let prospective readers really see what the threat is and what the stakes are? We don't need exhaustive details, but that last paragraph right now is essentially throwing a lot of words at me and not creating much of an impression. I'm guessing there's a supernatural element to it all, what with the soul-selling, but sometimes that's used as figurative language, so I'm not even sure. I think knowing whether a threat is supernatural or not is a useful sales tool.

 

This shouldn't be making me laugh, but it does.

 

The Krav Maga business is in Book 2.

I have to say, though, that what Meeks and Cohen seem to be advocating (as you've described it) is the same stereotyped stuff that comes out of the blurb generator I posted for fun. "Must choose between" and all.

Doesn't mean I won't check out their work, however.

 

I haven't started reading the Cohen book yet. I was more or less comiserating with Catrin, as I have been having the same problem as she has. I'll let you know how I get on with Cohen. (I've been busy beta reading for three other people this week! ) I'll decide whether I also need the Meek book a bit later on.

I'm sure can WRITE a blurb, once I think up the angle I want to take. What do I emphasize in my own story? That's the decision I need to make. How far in do I want to go? I don't want to give too much away (as there is a lot that unfolds slowly) but at the same time I don't want to be vague or melodramatic either. However, I've had a few ideas today. I'll get there.

 

I think those points are very useful ...once I decide what my hook should be about, which kind of emotional attachment I want to convey, what cliffhanger I want to work with (there are several), what kind of people would be perfect fans for my book, and what call to action I want to end with, without giving too much of the game away.

It's not WRITING the blurb that's problematic for lots of us.It's making these decisions that's the bitch. All of the book is important—or I would have condensed the thing into three short paragraphs to begin with—so it's hard to pick out which bits are the most important. This is why it's tempting to try to tell too much.

How to pare the purpose of the book down to an advertising byte is the gap that doesn't ever seem to be addressed in the 'advice' I've been reading. It's not easy, at least not for me. At heart, I'm an expander—a 'show-er' not a teller. I don't need to be told what a byte is like. I need to figure out how to make my novel into one.

I've never been able to answer the question 'what's your story about?' I've had probably about 50 beta readers read it, since I finished my first draft, and most of them are quite enthusiastic ...so I know it's good enough. But I can never seem to pare it down like that. Whenever people asked me that question, I always said: 'It's a character-driven story, set in Montana in the 1880s—but it's not a Western, and it's not really a historical novel either. It's not about anybody famous or anything. It's just set there, back then.' That was usually enough to satisfy the questioners. However, that does not a blurb make!

 

I thought the publisher/editor wrote the back blurb (unless it's self published).

 

I read the Cohen book today and got some really good pointers. In fact, I started scribbling down ideas for my own blurb almost right away. Excellent recommendation. I like his 7-point checklist. It's that kind of insight I was looking for.

 

I like this as it is. I also like @Seven Crowns's suggestions. And I think it's ready.

Good luck!

 

Here's an idea: If any of your beta readers are authors, ask him or her how the book can be summed up.

 

Yeah, I'm doing that to some extent. In fact, I have a fellow forum member who is reading at the moment, with that goal in mind. I much appreciate it!

I'm getting a little bit of light at the end of this tunnel, even working on my own. The book (the Cohen book) that Moose recommended gave me a good boost.

 

(Sorry I skipped, got lost in transition, so started over)

I know nothing other than these:
1981 is lost (in isolation?)
I stumbled on paragraph 2. Idea should stay, paragraph, do over.
'Christianity' must precede 'glory of God' in this age of Eastern awareness (not proud of that).
The selling points are about romance, religion, and...? choice? evil? danger?
'Complication', 'most on Earth', and 'sole', doesn't fit.

Yes, I remember, I know nothing, so here's probably proof:

Christian Sandy Beichten's vision of life, in 1981, is... architecture, ...glory of God, ... (assistant beside) handsome (boss?) Eric Baumann (non-Christian/unavailable/...). #1. (her undeclared? love)... #2. (evil client)... #3. (diabolical choice)
#overall. God.

Target market says Christian/God goes up front. Bold items are what readers might want to know (hooks?). Prose is slightly overcooked, so looks like trying too hard. Straightforward is best to start, then punch where needed.

Edit: BTW, any use of the word diabolical grabs my attention now

 

Don't you mean "Seek out high-selling books in your genre and see what their blurbs have in common"?

Whether or not, in the past week or two I've done the research. It seems the typical Romantic-Suspense blurb, Christian or not, has three basic elements: 1) Something about the heroine and her issues and goals, and 2) something about the hero and his issues and goals. (Or vice versa.) These together set up how difficult it will be for them to get together. Then, 3) something about the complication (villain, disaster, other threat), leading to the question, "If Heroine and Hero do get together, will they live long enough to enjoy it?"

The fact that they do get together in some fashion in the course of the story is sometimes stated, or it's simply implied. Because this is Romance, right? But the idea is always that if they don't overcome the danger, the relationship will be incomplete or very short-lived.

 

Thanks, all, for your input.

I've been working on this, and barring any thunderstrokes from above, this is what I'm going to go with. I think.

For what would you sell your soul? For what are you willing to die?

Practicing architecture to the glory of God: that’s what Sandy Beichten has set her sights on since she was a little girl. Now, as right-hand woman to brilliant young architect Eric Baumann, she’s in the perfect position to follow that call.

If only she hadn’t fallen in love with him too. He’d fit her image of the ideal husband . . . if he weren’t dead set against Christianity and against marriage itself. Eric’s focus is on Architecture alone, and Sandy fears he’d make a deal with the devil if it would keep his struggling practice alive.

Then an evil-eyed stranger appears offering Eric a commission that “will make all his dreams come true.” At Sandy's urging, he turns it down. But the sinister would-be client refuses to take no for an answer and will stop at nothing to get Sandy out of the way and bend Eric to his diabolical will. As the pressure mounts, love flames between the young architects, but can love, integrity, and faith itself stand against an enemy who will pit what they value most on earth against their lives, their humanity, and their very souls?​

 

I haven't read your whole ms (unfortunately), but from what I have seen, you could take the approach of "twin brothers, who couldn't be more different." And set up the conflict accordingly.