Character Bar (Explicit, 18+)

[Alec runs over to Amy and pours healing potion into her mouth]

Amy: ... The fuck happened?

Alec: You got flanked. Agnethe's gone. You OK?

Amy: ... Not sure. Would you guys be OK with –

Alec and Charlie: Yes.

Amy: ... Just, heading back to the car for a bit? My fight-or-flight's crazy out of whack right now, and I think I need to get some sleep before anything else.

Charlie: Absolutely.

 

Ortlinde: *yawns* Wow finally some time time breathe.

*Darit enters and quietly sits down at bar"

Ortlinde: Anything I can get you...Ms...

Darit: Yezdani. Arak if you have it - I don't suppose you serve xocolatl?

Ortlinde: What?

Darit: *sigh* That's what everyone in Parthia says.

 

Ortlinde: Wow, it's quiet in here without all the sociopathic killers. Anyone got any stories?

 

Do you like short Dystopian films?

 

Amy: Ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me! I just found a bunch of amazing Youtube channels produced by medieval weaponry experts, like LindyBeige, Skallagrim, Shadiversity, Scholagladiatoria –

Charlie: Please not with the maces again.

Amy: You're right, boss, sorry about that. That conversation has been done into the ground already –

Charlie: Oh, crap.

Amy: – and we should probably –

Charlie: Don't say it.

Amy: – end it rightly.

Charlie: Barkeep, could I get the Buddha special? "One of everything"?

 

Ortlinde: Damn....

 

Ortlinde: I'm gonna concur on the "no maces," thing.

Rossweisse: Yeah, you were always more of a halberd girl.

Ortlinde: Not helping, and I don't talk about the old days.

Rossweisse: Neither do I but everyone in here kind of already knows.

Darit: Amy sounds like my old girlfriend. Remind me never to introduce you two. Actually, I take that back - you'd probably be making out in two minutes flat, and she'd leave me alone.

 

Charlie: Crap.

Amy: Darit, would it surprise you to know that I am actually straight?

Charlie: Here we go.

 

Charlie: Aidan, is yours always like this? [gestures with her thumb at Amy who is ranting about how "maces" are rigid weapons that work and how chain-and-ball weapons are called "flails" and that do not work] Let's just say I've used that tone before.

Alec: Ironically for a lesbian, the "Straight Man" voice.

Charlie: ... What.

Amy: Hey, look, there it is again!

Charlie: Why.

Alec: When?

Amy: Where?

Charlie: Kill me.

Amy: ...

Alec: ...

Amy: ... How?

 

Alec: You know, it occurs to me with all of Tax's poetry -

Charlie: If you can call it that.

Alec: - that I ain't tried to do any of my famous mixed metaphors lately.

Amy: Oh yeah! You haven't done those in a while, have you?

Charlie: ... No, no, why didn't I enjoy that while it lasted?

Amy: Oh, come on! It's not that bad!

Alec: Hey, in her defense, they ain't all of them all them at good either. Remember my bit about the Nottingham police?

Charlie: Vividly.

Alec: Yeah, some of my jokes are pretty good, but that one fell flatter than Humpty Dumpty with half a parachute.

Charlie: ...

Alec: Needs some work?

Amy: You're just out of practice, you'll get back into the swing of it!

Charlie: Shoot me now.

 

Zlada Volkov: Start running, I like a challenge.
I will give you...uh...3 minutes. Better make them count.

 

Cowboy (from Dollar for the Dead, Emilio Estevez): Walks into bar, takes a double whiskey and downs it. Pulls out gun at lightning speed, then shoots everyone, using silver bullets for any werewolves or vampires just in case.

Dr. Meow: Walks in and sits down. "Good work, Cowboy, I'll take it from here." Turns to the dying patrons. "I can fix ya'll up, but it'll cost ya'. Lay the money down right meow if ya' wanna' live."

One hell of a stickup.

 

Amy: [jams gun against the back of Cowboy's head] Surprise, bitch. Remember the healing potion I just guzzled? Good, now, I've done nastier shit in my world than I'm sure you've done in yours, but that's not what this world is for. You start something here, it had fucking well better be settling personal beef, we clear?

 

Dr. Meow: "Cowboy, I think it's time we retreat, bit off a little too much here..."

Cowboy: "I don't run." [goes down in blaze of glory]

Dr. Meow: "Sigh. I always have to bring this guy back from the brink." [drags Cowboy's mangled body off and lives to fight another day.]

Fuckin' bullshit, man. Every time...

 

Corlixia: Did I just see that? Did a small fuzzy creature and an oddly
dressed Terran just try to take us hostage and steal from us? Wow this
cantina has some strange patrons.

 

Cowboy: Pulls himself up and gives a sharp look back at Corlixia, "Hey, who you calling fuzzy?!"

Dr. Meow: Turns and looks back as well, "And who you callin' small, assface?"

 

Corlixia: (rests Coil SMG) That one is fuzzy (points at Meow) and you are dressed oddly (finger shifts to Cowboy).
And I have plenty of bolts in the mag to split them evenly between the two of you. Though I would much prefer not
wasting them. (downs 3rd shot of Vodka)

 

Dr. Meow: Takes bottle of Corlixia's Vodka and chugs the rest of it, "Oh, hell, I am a tad fuzzy I suppose, but Cowboy's the one that doesn't shave."

Cowboy: "Look who's talkin'. Now you gonna' patch me up or what, doc?"

 

Corlixia: This should be a treat to watch.
A furry little creature without thumbs, patching up a human.
Oh what my medical mentor would say about that.
Though I can loan you my field kit, it has everything necessary
to treat combat trauma. The blue anesthetic in the syringes is
potent, so use it cautiously. The whole injection can drop a 2.13 meter,
172 kilo Centurian for about 6 hours.

 

Dr. Meow: Takes anesthetic, "Thanks, but for your information I do have thumbs."

Cowboy: "Better give me a few of those syringes then, doc, they sound a bit weak. And hand me that whiskey too while you're at it."

 

Corlixia: All right then. Well take care of your man, he really needs to
slow up a bit on his alcohol consumption. In my professional opinion.