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  1. coke&cherries

    coke&cherries New Member

    Mar 3, 2012
    Likes Received:
    Down Under. All I'm revealing.

    Characters for story, with mythical sort of theme... Feedback?

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by coke&cherries, Mar 3, 2012.

    I'm going to go geek-style and write it like a form for an Internet roleplay. Yay for the geek society! :D

    First name: Veronica
    Middle name: May
    Surname: Shaw
    Nicknames: Ronnie
    Age: 15
    Looks: Black hair that falls lightly around shoulders and to mid back, framing her face and her vivid grey eyes. A few light, barely visible freckles. Light skin, but not pale.
    Allergies: Bush Daisies
    Talents: she's quite the artist.

    First name: Vincent
    Middle name: Stephen
    Surname: Shaw
    Nicknames: Vince
    Age: 17
    Looks: Black hair, with a sidefringe covering his right eye. He has a few freckles, light skin and grey eyes.
    Allergies: Bush Daisies
    Talents: He is the lead singer in his boy band, if that's any indication.

    Vince and Ronnie are secretive, with an air of mystique about them. They are shy to reveal anything about their past. Tenants of a rundown townhouse and caught in the middle of a dysfunctional family, Vincent and Veronica Shaw are the unfortunate siblings chosen by the Concidere, the force behind all creatures and their creation. The Concidere have taken it upon themselves to create a creature, using human kind's belief against them to dominate and control them, and Vincent and Veronica are destined to become the toys of the Concidere's mind and experiment.

    Feedback, please?
  2. CheddarCheese

    CheddarCheese Contributing Member

    Feb 5, 2012
    Likes Received:
    Hi coke&cherries,

    I'll warn you before you get bombarded by the standard "It depends on how well you write the story," comments, which are sure to come in great numbers. And it's the truth, your characters can only be assessed properly once they've been incorporated into your story. They'll be good characters if they're well written. A simple outline of a plot or character is just that: an outline which doesn't show the potential of the characters.

    That being said, your initiative is a good thing, and your idea is quite interesting. All you have to do now is write.

    By the ways, if you're into the roleplaying aspect, you should check out the RPGs section of this forum, it might catch your interest.

    Good luck!
  3. RusticOnion

    RusticOnion Contributing Member

    Nov 3, 2011
    Likes Received:
    I'm not sure if a singer in a boy band and an artist are the best protagonists for a story like this.

    Also, you haven't actually told us anything about the characters, there's no personality, no likes or dislikes, no fears, hopes or dreams.

    "Vincent and Veronica are destined to become the toys of the Concidere's mind and experiment." What do you mean by this exactly?
  4. Metus

    Metus Senior Member

    Jul 29, 2011
    Likes Received:
    Omega 4 Relay
    You're going to hate to hear this, but there's not enough to go on here. For a character basis they're no better or worse than any, as you haven't provided any personality details or anything on which to base a judgement.
  5. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    May 19, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Descriptions like these are about as revealing as a license application form.

    A character isn't a sackful of attributes. A character is the sum of his or her interactions with other characters and the story.

    Don't get yourself stuck on how people react to these summaries. Write the story, and let the characters evolve as necessary.
  6. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Nov 21, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Coquille, Oregon
    ditto that!
  7. superpsycho

    superpsycho Contributing Member

    Feb 28, 2012
    Likes Received:
    It's up to you whether you find it useful or not. It's a lot more than I tend to do. I just want enough so I can avoid getting characters confused or doing something against their nature. I let the story itself develop everything else about them. But I've known those who write piece meal then patch it together. Again whatever you find works for you. Writing can be hard so any trick to make it easier helps.
  8. Mallory

    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

    Jun 27, 2010
    Likes Received:
    Tampa Bay
    Why exactly are they chosen by the Concidere? What makes them special? It's important to come up with a reason for this besides "they're the Chosen Ones," "They ancestors possessed an ancient rune," etc.

    Also, when developing your characters, keep in mind that factors such as motivation, values, wants/fears/threats (which could be used when determining a significant obstacle or objective), key turning points in the story, what makes them angry, personality types, etc. are FAR more important than trivial things like horoscope sign, mom/dad's profession, favorite season, favorite song, birthmarks, etc. This is why I recommend people stay far, far away from those Internet character profile lists.
  9. MaybeSomeday

    MaybeSomeday New Member

    Mar 6, 2012
    Likes Received:
    Manchester, Connecticut, United States
    I have to agree with Mallory on this one, you need some sort of attribute that sets these two characters apart from all the other options their world has to offer. Having weak reasoning here can really weaken your story overall. What drives a story like this is having a detail that is unknown to the reader in the beginning but is then hinted at and revealed as the story goes along (which I assume is the effect you'll be going for?). It may entertain the reader at first, but might make them lose interest later if that detail is lacking in strength.

    Try creating a history for these two that leads up until the moment your story begins. This way you will know who they are even before you start putting them down on paper.

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