Chatbox II: The Rebirth

HAHA I guess it would.

 

joke time, is it? i know a good one having to do with engineers (since i work with a bunch of them) ... no bad words, but not exactly clean?

 

Cocoa roos sound too much like rabbit droppings (ever wonder where the Trix rabbit is from? The cereal USED to be colorful round pellets instead of fruity shapes...)

 

I could tell the laughing/crying horse joke...not quite clean

I could tell the pissing on the bar one...not too bad

I could tell the singing BJ joke...really not clean

 

Apparently I look really tired today. Three people have already told me that I look exhausted. When, really, I feel more rested today than I have in the last three or four days.

Funny how that works.

 

Engineers joke.

Spoiler

There were three engineers - electrical, mechanical and civil - and they were fighting over what type of engineer God was.

The electrical engineer said, “You have to look at the nervous system, all that work. God had to have been an electrical engineer.”

The mechanical engineer said, “No, no. That’s not it. God was a mechanical engineer. You have to look at the structure, the bones and joints.”

And then the civil engineer said, “You’re both wrong – completely off the mark. God was obviously a civil engineer.”

“Oh, and how is that?”

“Who else would put a waste disposal pipeline through a recreational area?”

 

Trix is colorful round pellets again.

And they do look like rabbit droppings. Never thought about that before.

 

There is an 80 year old widow, who lives alone, and decided one night to kill herself. She went to the closet and found her late huspand's old service revolver and a box of bullets. She decided that a single shot to her tired old heart was the best way to end things, but she had no idea where her heart was located.

The old lady therefore called the hospital and said she was having chest pain, and wondered if it was her heart. "Where exactly is my heart located?" she asked. The nurse on the other end of the line was very concerned and told her "about 2 inches from your left nipple."

The old lady thanked her and hung up the phone. She walked into the study and sat in her favorite chair; che very chair she had been in when her huspand had died from a stroke. "Goodbye crule world!" she proclaimed, aimed the pistol --2 inches in from her left nipple-- and shot herself in the knee.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Those were great.

 

Hi guys. Em had another one of her creepy nightmares. Sigh. I want to go back to sleep, but I can't.

 

A guy is sitting at the bar with some of his buddies. He comes up to the bar carrying an empty shot glass. He sets it on the bar, steps back about ten feet and says to the bartender, "Wanna make a bet? I bet you $50 that I can stand here and take a piss, fill that shot glass and not spill a drop." Bartender says, "Sure, why not." So the guy whips it out and starts pissing. He pisses on the floor, the bar, even the bartender..everywhere EXCEPT the shot glass. When he's done, he zips up, takes out $50 form his wallet and says, "Well I guess I was wrong, here's your $50." The bartender is laughing...that was easy $50 and quite a funny sight to see. "He says to the guy, you had to know that you couldn't actually do it. Why did you make the bet?" The guy jerks his thumb to his friends at the table and says, "Well, I bet by friends a hundred dollars that I would piss on your floor, piss on your bar, and piss on you and not only would you not be mad, but you's laugh." Then went back to his table and collected his $100.

 

I hate having creepy nightmares. I hope you get back to sleep eventually!

Heehee, that's great.

 

Yah. It sucks. Especially because my nightmares usually involve being held hostage by someone I care about and watching him kill off my family one by one while not being able to escape.

 

I had this dream the other night where I took a dump and it stuck between my buttcheeks and no matter what I did, I couldn't get it out. Then I woke up with this MASSIVE wedgie.

 

Hahahaahaha! That's hilarious!

 

Hoped it would cheer you up. I have weird dreams too. I like the funny ones.

 

It did.

 

As unpleasant as they are I love scary dreams, they are such an inspiration for good stories.
Dreams are funny because even though theyre not real, they are. When someone tells you about their dreams and we listen, its as if we are listening to a tale that actually happened to someone. Certain cultures believed in shared dreaming and spirit worlds. In a weird way dreams can seem as real to us as the real world and I cant tell you how many times I feel like Ive had precognitive premonitions through them.

Unfortunately, we forget most of the dreams we have. Just something about the way the brain works. Even on nights where you swear you didnt have any you might have had a dozen in an hour of REM. The brain is weird

 

I agree. I had a dream once where Joel came home and walked into our room to find me lying on the bed with my legs hanging off the side. At first, he thought I was just lying there waiting for him to get home, but then he got closer and saw that I was covered in blood. Creepy as hell, but the dream led me to this great idea for a story.

However, after I started working on the story, my nightmares increased exponentially...

 

I don't write things like that. I'm just not that good at it. So, my nightmares exist just to scare me.

 

That was my first attempt at horror. Well...second, but the first was a joke between me and my cousin, so that doesn't count. And I'll never write anything horror-related again...

The fun thing about my nightmares is that I refuse to watch anything scary, because I don't want to give my subconscious any ideas. But it continues to come up with stuff all on its own...like me walking out of work to find puddles of blood everywhere and following the trail of blood to my car, where someone killed someone, left them next to my car, and wrote messages in their blood all over the car...

The weird thing about that one was that I think one of the messages said something about my writing.

 

Interesting things, dreams. Many a poem or song have sprung from them in my case.

 

And more creditor calls. Today hasn't been a good day. Grrrr.

 

I hardly ever have nightmares, I had them a lot more when I was younger. Now I dream funny and weird stuff.

 

I have nightmares all the time. I'm sure that I am broken and just haven't admitted it to myself yet.