Hello everyone, I'm new here so this post is more or less fulfilling my requirement for the initial 20 posts. When I'm able to post in the workshop I'm eager to post some of my completed stories I am, however, very interested in hearing your feedback and criticisms for this series of short stories I have been writing about off and on for the past few years. It started as something very basic and full of flaws. In fact, sometimes when I read some of the old stories I wrote I cringe at how bad or cheesy it was. Even the title, "Children of the Star," I'm not very fond of anymore, but at the same time I can't think of any other title for it. Luckily, from those experiences, I've been able to avoid certain mistakes as I matured. The plot centers around something very religious, yet nothing we've ever heard of before. The main characters mimic angelic-like beings worshiping their almighty and semi-omniscient creator, who has no form and is made of light, in a heaven-like setting. I say semi-omniscient because the "Creator," as It's called, has the power to plan and see the future, but does not know what happens in between in order for the future to come true. The power to enforce It's vision of the future rests with It's children. "Home" is the word used by the children to describe the infinite and boundless heaven-like realm in which they live. Keep in mind when I say children, you and I would view them as young adults in their prime. The main attraction to this series is what the children do with their time at Home and how they worship their Creator. Through coordinated vocal music, supplemented by dancing, the children emit tangible energy which they shape and craft into solid art and constructs. What the energy finalizes into, depends on the method, mood, and tempo of the song and dance they choose. These pieces of art can be very basic things created by one child, or a very complex structure created by coordinated song and dance from several children. This is how they spend their time and they love doing it. Likewise, the Creator adores It's children for their work and loves every piece individually. It also just so happens to draw It's supernatural power from their worship. Great! So where does the story come into play? If that's all they do then this will be a very short story right? Well, what the children don't know, is the existence of Earth and humanity. The Creator in this story is a very artistic being, so It wanted to create another species of children with a far more complex and intelligent mind set to bring forth even more astounding works of worship. Humanity, however, fell into the worship of each other, their philosophies, their science, and their accomplishments. Several attempts were made to reach out to them, but they rejected the Creator so many times that the Creator withdrew the Light and It's presence from earth and suspended humanities ability to create true art. Millenniums later, most of Earth has industrialized and references to an all mighty Creator are only available in very old manuscripts which is harshly criticized and scoffed at in the general public. The few humans that believe in a Creator are ostracized and avoided. More historical knowledge, held only by the Creator itself, is of a battle between It and the Great Darkness. The Light triumphed and chained the Darkness down in a horrifying pit of everything evil. The Darkness represents everything the Light isn't. Because of this, the Darkness has been gaining strength from the human rebels on Earth. The Creator has seen this, and has also seen a time when the Darkness breaks free from It's chains and envelopes Earth completely. Desperate to ensure the safety of It's creations and to halt the flow of Dark power, the Creator is preparing to send emissaries from Home to Earth to bring art and life to the artistically deaf and the culturally dead population of Humanity. -------------------------------------- There is a heavy emphasis on the innocence and ignorance of the "Children of the Star." When the few who are chosen finally arrive on Earth, the darkness and artistic silence of humanity brings total despair and confusion to the children. They are initially, very afraid. Neither of them have ever been exposed to anything imperfect. One child, however, is immediately curious when he arrives on earth and begins to question the Creator for hiding this knowledge from them. This is where the story begins Thanks for reading!
Hi, welcome to the forum. To this point I think you have what could be an excellent idea. While I find this intriguing, it sounds like something that will be very hard to pull off in a novel. So this will depend entirely on how skilled you are as an author. I would not be able to write this. As long as it isn't too cliché here, it's interesting. I'd be careful of the overly moralizing theme about art vs science, Creator vs science, that sort of thing. But that's just me, I don't buy that kind of dichotomy as realistic. Lots of other readers do of course, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. Sounds good. It's well developed, has conflict and interesting plot. Again, I'd just caution you not to write it sounding too preachy.
You're right. I've only been able to write about one artistic engagement with confidence. I'm eager to post it in the workshop for critique. Thank you for pointing out the rather aggressive stance the story seems to take against humanity and science. That wasn't, however, my intention nor am I trying to promote a particular viewpoint in the stories. Truth be told, however, I do occasionally like to insert a subtle implication that there could be more to this life than just what we can visually see under a microscope. Some of my stories imply that true ignorance comes from a singular one-sided viewpoint instead of accepting the possibilities of both. I apply the same ignorance to the protagonists. Thank you for your constructive feedback. I'll take to heart what you said.
*whistles* Well, that's a very unique take on things! I like how the Creator in the story literally likes creating things artistically, and how it gets its power from the worships which are like works of art themselves. The plot has some potential, especially on the part of the emissaries, but I'm finding the Dark vs. Light thing rather cliche... I'm also questioning on the definitions of your "Dark" and "Light". Forgive me if I offend anyone, but I think it's a bit of a stretch that "evil" is defined as people's attempts to know the world through their own eyes- because that's all the philosophy and science-worshipping is. I guess that it could be interpreted as finding out the truth and being ignorant to the creator...ah...I'm having a mindblasted moment right now...*clunks head on desk* Um, so now I'm not really sure where I was going with that, but if any of you fellow members can glean anything from that, then I'll feel better ;_; . I'm also curious to what the curious emissary finds out from his questioning- any themes and motifs, because there is a lot of room for that! ...Oh, and another thing! Pardon if this is a stupid question, but what really is the point of having "a semi-omniscient" Creator? If he knows how things are going to end, then why the purpose for the story? Why his actions, when he knows that whatever he ends up doing will contribute to the final result? Is this story about a self-fulfilling prophecy, or the Creator seeing something in the future that he wants to prevent? Does he even have to be omniscient at all? I'm finding that the hard part to see as a necessary part of a plot. Have you thought of a non-omniscient Creator (kind of against convention, I know, but Phil Pullman pulled it off with standing ovations)? If the semi-omniscience has some purpose in the plot, then for all means go for it, but if it doesn't play a major role, then I'd suggest that you'd look down that track as well.
Thank you for reading feathersinflight! I'd be more than happy to answer your questions, because you're right, I wasn't very clear on some of the points I made. I can totally see how this appears VERY cliché. The "Dark" and "Light" don't really mean anything. They are only supernatural entities. I couldn't really think of any other element or illuminating natural agent that seemed appropriate to apply to these beings, because they have no form. Additionally, I used the term "Dark" and "Light" to give the reader that immediate prejudice. I'm also not in any way shape or form trying to imply that philosophy or science is evil. I am, however, trying to imply that a world devoid of "Light" makes a suitable establishment for "Darkness" Excellent question, and it has a very VERY deep internal answer that's vital to my vision of a particular climax I have in my mind. I don't want to reveal any details, but I feel I can answer it with a metaphor. I said that the Creator has seen a time when the Darkness envelopes Earth, right? Well let's say you had the same power and had a vision of the future that showed a loved one getting shot in a grocery store. You know it's going to happen, but do you think you would still make an attempt, no matter how inevitable, to save them? If you love them, then the answer is most likely yes. I hope this answered your questions! Once again, thanks for taking the time to read.
You can always explain the Light vs Darkness literally. In your case it's very appropriate as it's the direction you're already going. Darkness is the absence of light. It's not a tangible thing, light is. It's the antithesis of Light and thus a necessary inevitability in its absence. Blah blah blah and such nonsense.
