Hi! I'm a newbie here and no offence find this 'writingforum' experience quite spooky. I am a member on Dogforum and Horseforum. I don't have any pets. Anyway, the point of me starting this thread is to ask opinion on my new story/novel idea. I don't have a title but this is the basic plot: There is this exceptionally, disobedient (that's an understatement) boy aged 19 called Cobalt. Well his Mum and Dad can't cope anymore with him, so they send him to this collage for his 'kind' of kids. The collage is named "Lesley Dazzle Collage". The collage has normal lessons but very harsh, police like and odd punishments for even a little thing like being late. (See end of post for my list). Most of the boys change into moderately behaved men but Cobalt does not. That's where I'm stuck I want something big to happen but dunno what. Just want it to revolve around his 'naughtiness'. Also some help on the punishments. This is what I have so far-beware they are ODD: Handcuffed and tied to your locker door in front of your mates. Handcuffed with a thin, sharp piece of metal that cut's your wrists if you struggle. Hopping while holding buckets of water, if you stop you get splashed with the water. Cleaning out the kennels of the guard dogs under the eye of the "campus police". Hope you can Help. Comments are welcome. Maybe I should have done this in Suggestions and Feedback? Oh Well too late now...:I LOL
No, this is fine as it is plot creation. As for your issues, well, firstly I think I would change Cobalt to be slightly younger say 16/17 when you actually start college (here anyway). I think you've got to think about these rather weird punishments and the way the boys are behaving, and what could spark off something big to happen because of their disobedience and how they are trying to be controlled. For example, how about them running away from the college? Or refusing punishment? Or setting the college on fire? Just really try and put yourself into the character's shoes.
What do you mean? The running away is kinda impossible 'cause I decided to put these two guard dogs at the entrance that will attack anyone in the LDC uniform without a staff member. Sorry but again what do you mean?
But surely Cobalt, because of how disobedient and rebellious he is, would find a way to get past these guard dogs working with the other boys there? It isn't impossible. By refusing punishment, I meant that Cobalt wouldn't allow the staff to subject him to punishment (I don't know how, it's up to you). And the way the boys are behaving, I basically just meant how naughty and disobedient they were. Surely they'd plot some revenge against the staff because of trying to change them?
I like the riot idea too. But I would make Cobalt much younger as well. Nineteen isn't really a 'boy' anymore.
In America 18-19 is usually when you go to college in the states. So changing the age would depend on where the story takes place. But I think it be best if the setting was changed to a boarding school. As Eunoia suggested, making him 16/17 would probably be for the best. Because in the states atleast, he would stil be considered a minor. In most countries I believe you are considered an adult by 18 or so. So why couldn't Colbalt just... leave the college? His parents no longer have that authority over him. So changing his age a bit and changing the setting would probably be best.
Not a bad setting, it could make for quite an interesting place. One thing I have to point out: I had thought my sister went to collage too, until she pointed out that she didn't hang on the ceiling, and that she, in fact, went to a college. Whoops. I think you have a fantastic setting, the ingredients are all there, but it seems you're wrapped up in all the gimmicks. If I may quote from the great Francis Porretto, "The raw material of stories is people; the essence of story is change." You have a beginning. Focus on what you want the ending to be, figure out the climax, how to build up to it, and you have a story. Your setting full of change is there, just figure out what change you want and how you want the story to end.
It's not called a college. A college is where you go to get your degree. This is a boarding school, or a refining school, or a disciplinary school. Kicking it off with action is always good, so I'd start with the scene where Cobalt's parents tell him he's going there. Let readers know (not in an infodump) what he did to get sent away. Even if it's just smaller incidents of being a troublemaker 24/7, there still should be some kind of major incident or "last straw" that made his parents send him there.
I had a similar character! He was called Krow and he knew all the tricks to avoid and escape punishment, such as: He always keeps a lockpick hidden in a secret hole in the Punishment Shack, where people have to stay for hours doing absolutely nothing except sweat. He always has an accomplice ready to unlock the Detention Room window from the outside. He keeps a stash of illegal(on campus, at least) tools like hammers and baseball bats to help him smash down or wrench open locked doors. Oh yeah, feel free to use the methods above in your Cobalt story.
If you think about it, this in itself is a very big thing. As for the inciting incident, may be there is a ceremony like the graduation day ceremony and Cobalt is not awarded a degree on account of his 'bad behavior'. May be it was a last minute decision by the management to not award him with a degree because he was caught doing something very much against the rules just before the graduation day. The dean/principal announced this on the podium just to serve as an example to others. What will Cobalt do? Will he become a changed man, giving up his bad behavior? Will he kill or make plans to kill the dean or the friend who tell on him and become a coldblooded murderer? Take your pick.
Cool! Yesterday, when I was snuggling up in bed and wondering about this story, I came up with this idea: There is this new guy that doesn't like Cobalt 'cause he's "King of Lesley Dazzle" and he wants to be it. At night the new dude comes into Cobalt's dorm and kills his room mate. Then he put the bloody dagger in Co's wardrobe/drawer. Cobalt is woken by the police because they have been alarmed by the house mother. When she came in with a new bar of soap. Cobalt get's dressed then arrested. He get's taken to a room and questioned. Then there's loads of law court stuff he is found guilty even if he isn't. He get's taken to prison. What about it? Comments are very welcome.
Maybe the setting should be a private high school for juvenile delinquents, and at the beginning he dose something pretty big which gets him sent there. Because honestly a college makes me think of a school for people 18 or older.
Yeah that was my original idea but most people said that college students in their 1st year are 16-17, soooo.
UK: folk go to college at 16. At 18, go to university for a degree (Those universities are often broken up into units called colleges.) US: at 18 folk go to college
Do watch your use of apostrophes. Gets - without apostrophe! From the verb "to get" --> he gets You've misused apostrophes even in your first post but I don't remember the examples now.
Why not have him super resistant to everything, but at some point he joins a club/team/organization and discovers the power of human contact. The affection he receives there 'reaches' him and he is ultimately 'raised' by the experience. It creates a comedy story arc...
The Cobalt Revolution I am at a lost to understand your story. But that's probably me. I think you should let the reader discover WHY he is revolting. Something big happened to him in the past. Something happened in his new college, that gives a clue. An idea that jumps to mind is that his parents are not his real parents. He always subconsciously knew (reason of his revolt). Well, many possibilities to trigger he goes looking for his real self - some coincidental meeting, e.g., the college cleaning lady who says he looks like XXX.... Oh well, it's your story. I don't want to spoil the fun! HTH.
Thank You All!! Your ideas are great but could I have some comments on the "Cobalt gets arrested" Idea? NO OFFENCE!! :redface:
