1. momo-hassan

    momo-hassan New Member

    Nov 15, 2013
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    Discussion in 'The Art of Critique' started by momo-hassan, Nov 15, 2013.

    The first thing I had included in the video had been the virtuous of the work. I had referred to the target also the majority of the citizens and specific told them that we are educating the future of the country. We are working all around the word and the most important work for us is to keep the pupil in the school. Although, we are making a lot of extra job just to satisfy the country and the only thing we are suggesting are that the people respect the work we are doing to your child. We are educating the children from a small age, so they do not have lack of confidence and we are giving them inspiration of the opportunities that are available in the big world. We are trying to give them as much as hope and information so they do not struggle when we are shaking hands and leaving each other. The most important equipment we and you will achieve from is the patient. We have to acknowledge that the result does not come from “chilling”, but form hard form over longer period.

    English is not my mother language so please give me feedback.
  2. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Nov 21, 2006
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    Coquille, Oregon
    sorry, momo, but there are far too many problems due to the language gap, to deal with well enough in a post... feel free to email it to me and i'll be happy to edit it for you and explain why your wording wasn't correct...

    love and hugs, maia
  3. auntiebetty

    auntiebetty Active Member

    Jul 6, 2012
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    Ohio, Arizona, Colorado
    momo hassan

    I admire you for expressing yourself in what is to you a foreign language. The piece you posted here appears to be an essay or some other type of editorial or opinion piece; but I'm not sure.

    I assume you are writing in English because you wish to have an English-speaking audience for your work. My observation is that you have not yet developed the vocabulary necessary to express your thoughts in English in a way that the English speaking person would understand without discussion.

    Certain languages arrange the nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. in a different order than does English. I think you have not yet developed the pattern for English well enough.

    Your thoughts are hard to follow due to your word choices and sentence structures. With that said, I will offer some advice about how you might succeed in getting your thoughts across. Perhaps you could partner with someone who is willing to dialogue with you in order to examine each word and sentence with the goal of understanding exactly what you want to say. Then that person could help you to rewrite what you want to say.

    I hope this helps you and that in any case, you will continue to practice writing in English.
    jannert likes this.

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