I suppose we all have them around 2 am. And maybe we all do need to explore them, see if they should be feared or can be contained. Some people can harness them, but I mostly hate the literature and cinema they produce; think darkness is contagious; wish they'd kept it private. The only person with whom you should share dark thoughts is your shrink. Psychiatrists have a high suicide rate, but excellent insurance, so their kids are all right. Financially. They were never going to be all right emotionally. But neither is anyone else, so they're well-enough-adjusted anyway. Oddly enough, the two novels I began as gothic perversely and inexplicably turned sunny half-way through. It takes a lot of energy to keep the light off thoughts.
A few nights ago I had a weed-induced trip, and became very aware that my consciousness was within a part of my mind it had never been before. The imagery and language was indescribable, but it had a very dark and ominous feel. I got the sense that there was an agent there, some darker part of myself that was beneath the surface. I had a realisation that this was a part of myself that wanted to do harm. And all the time, I kept hearing a repeating phrase "become a sphere". I have no idea what any of this meant, but I feel that it was a representation of a darker aspect of myself. I can't recapture it now, so I think I'll need to self-medicate again to revisit it and explore further.
Heh, I had to google the name to find out who he is. No, I'm not him. He's dead. Or maybe I was channeling him while I was baked I'm not sure how I feel about using psychedelics in psychiatry. Clearly psychotropics allow you to access parts of your subconscious that you can't normally observe. This can only be a good thing. Everyone should have the opportunity to introspect like this, and weed trips for me definitely have that vibe of getting outside your mind and looking back in so you can have a good poke around. But there are also things that you experience when high that don't necessarily correspond to anything (psychologically) real or meaningful. At one point that night I heard heavy rain, and I said to my friend, "listen to the rain, it's beautiful". He looked confused so I opened the curtain, and it wasn't raining. Now, I love the sound of rain, so it's possible my subconscious served up this experience for me. If I hated rain, then perhaps that experience wouldn't have happened. So maybe there is something meaningful. Or maybe I was just hallucinating and it meant nothing. Either way, I'd want to see a lot of evidence in support of the use of psychotropics in psychiatry before deciding whether it has merit or is a potentially confusing experience.
Advanced Research Projects Administration. It was a government umbrella for development of tech like the internet, and some bizarre psych, drug, and enhancement programs. Some of it was kept dark, even from the Presidency. It was cut after it's funding was questioned, and re-emerged as DARPA, some years later, with all the dark projects removed. ARPA was like a more real life X-files. and fertile ground for fiction and conspiracy theories. My belief is that they were rethinking a lot of Nazi and Soviet experimentation, to filter the sinister elements out, and cultivate valid data, so some experiments would never need to be performed on the living. Think crash test dummies and terminal limitations. And 'Men Who Stare At Goats'!
Yeah, all the time. Dark as in: hopeless, suicidal, desperate, apathetic. They're like hungry little beasts. I try to feed them to keep them from taking over, usually by writing, reading, listening to music, or playing video games that have dark and morbid content. I guess that helps to keep things in balance and ward off the mental health problems I used to have (the usual cocktail: depression and anxiety caused by trauma). I've also come to accept these thoughts are normal; part and parcel of the situation I'm in, so my only concern is to keep them well fed and harmless, so they don't get to make things worse.
I laugh at some pretty wicked shit. So long as kids aren't getting hurt, my ability to laugh can't be wavered.
'Moon' I love your signature photo. It is awesome. This seems like the appropriate thread to comment on it. It's like Woody looking into a mirror and seeing his 'Inner Darkness' - or his 'Shadow Self'. "Maybe I can burn Buzz Lightyear, then I shall be Andy's favourite again. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!!"
There was a snake in his boot. So Woody sacrificed every toy and human soul he could find in the house and burnt it down. The snake couldn't survive the fire and kept itself inside of Woody's boot. With a mad laugh, Woody ripped off his boot and tossed the damn thing into the blaze, smacking the charred body of Mr Potato head. As he laughed loudly, a thought crossed his mind: he'd forgotten the keys to the front door. In the end, all he could do, was laugh as the flames consumed him. The end.
Daily. I deal with depression and depresdive episodes frequently. It's why I'll disappear from chats or not be on for days. The thoughts center around either myself or others though I never think of harming others. I don't think of harming myself even though I often dream of the next life or nothingness. I try to break myself of these thoughts and can succeed, but life sometimes makes it hard.
This is really interesting. What form does a dream of nothingness take? Like, what is the imagery or the experience?
For myself, it's just nothing, like when your thoughts blank and you're not thinking of anything. If it takes a different form, so be it. I won't know either way.
My mum actually spent some social time with a woman at her workplace who suffered from chronic depression. My mum quoted her saying that she felt so guilty that - despite 'having a loving husband and children' she still felt completely helpless - like she was 'grieving for something'. I get down sometimes myself, but I think with me it's more to do with my social circumstances. I understand that people with chronic depression don't need a reason to be depressed. I can't even watch one of Robin Williams' movies now - I don't know why. Movies and TV shows are filled with dead actors and actresses. And songs performed by dead singers. Sure, cancer and heart attacks, and AIDS are horrible - but to feel so empty and emotionally lifeless, and having no way out, just seems more tragic and horrible than any physical illness. You can cut out a tumor, but how do you remove emotional emptiness? My thoughts are with anybody on this site who suffers from such a terrible 'mental prison'.
