Dealing with people who think your dreams of writing are unrealistic.

That's fine. But you need to understand the choices thus made, and what they mean.

 

I don't know who that quote is from but I do hope he was able to find a really good psychiatrist.

 

Milk out the nose! Seriously when I started this thread I was feeling down, now I'm smiling. You guys have really cheered me up.

 

On an unrelated note:

Two cows standing in an English field. One says to the other 'I'm getting a bit worried about this mad cow disease thing, aren't you?'
To which the other replies, 'Why should I be? I'm a fucking helicopter!'

 

I love it!

 

Stop telling everyone you're going to be a writer, and sit down and write. Then they will respect you when you're published. Next?

 

How you deal with this is by understanding that they probably have your best interest at heart. Because they are older than you, wiser than you, have been around the block more times than you, they make these suggestions with an understanding that art is a luxury, and success from art is almost like winning the lottery. They don't want your life to suck.

Maybe you don't yet realize how bad life can suck. Your writing, even a nice publishing contract with an above-the-normal pay grade, probably won't be enough to cover prescription meds, for example, if -- god forbid -- you ever become seriously ill, or utilities, or rent.

 

Gee, thanks, Jack, for that encouragement and support. You're a big help.

 

No kidding!

 

But that doesn't mean a would-be writer should never try. After all, it was barely a hundred years ago that man thought flight was virtually impossible, women could never vote, etc, yet look where we are now! Granted, humanity still has a ways to go, but I like to think we, as a whole, have achieved a lot since 1912.

Basically, the only human being on this small, pale, blue speck that can stop you from writing...is yourself.

 

JackElliott is right when he says writing will most likely not be enough to support you.

But the great thing about a writing career is that it has no "due date" like the rest. Assuming you don't get hit by lightning or something, you have an entire life-span to write those words on paper. Take your time, and balance your priorities if you have to. But don't give up writing if you really like it; there's plenty of time for that.

 

You sir, owe me a new keyboard.

 

I don't understand the motivation behind this response. Some responses in this thread seem to be assuming that "You're unlikely to make a living writing," is the equivalent of, "You're a lousy writer."

They're not the same thing. You could become a very good published writer, with a fine reputation and a bunch of fans, and still not make enough money at it to make a living without having another job. Bestseller status and riches are not the assured reward of all, or most, or many, or even more than a small percentage of very good writers. That fact is not a slur against your writing ability, it's the reality of the world.

ChickenFreak

 

I love people who doubt me, and I love the look on their face when I prove them wrong

I appreciate when they give me credit for trying

But I really love the look on their face when I prove them wrong

 

Oh, and as of ten minutes ago Angela's Ashes is #39 in historical memoir, and my book is #43. I took a screenshot to send to every member of my family

 

Me either. I didn't see where Jack was saying anything that others haven't - that supporting oneself by writing is nearly impossible, and the practical thing to do is make sure one has a job that can support oneself and family while writing on the side. So why the sudden sarcasm? Seems a bit uncalled for.

 

I have only skimmed through a lot of the replies on this post so forgive me if someone has addressed this point of view but I feel that it should be brought up if it hasn't.
Why do you write then? Is your goal just to get published? Do you need the approval of others in order to keep writing? I recently just had someone look at a piece I have been working on and they ripped it apart (granted their opinion is valid) and I do admit it was disheartening but I am not going to give up. I write because it allows me to channel everything inside my head and create a sense of clarity regardless of what others think. Writing aside, if I lived my life based on external circumstances and allowed myself to live dependently on other opinions then I would not be living my own life. My mood is my own and others do not deserve space inside my head. The only reason they end up taking space in my head is because I let them. Your life is your own and so is your writing. Being sucessful imo and it is only my opinion, should not be based on getting published (though it is a dream of every writer for sure) it should be based on merely just doing something you love and if you have fun doing it then you have achieved sucess already. Keep your head up man and continue on. Screw the naysayers. And personally, do not write just to resentfully prove someone wrong. It will cloud the emotion in your work because your not doing it for yourself anymore. You are doing it with the wrong intentions. Express yourself freely and unihibited and everything else will fall into place.

 

The original post did not talk of making a fortune as a writer; it only talked of becoming a published writer. And guess what? I'm 50. The guy who tried to tell me that my dreams of writing are unrealistic is not older, not wiser, has not been around the block a few more times. I'm paying the mortgage around here. And I do realize how bad life can suck. We're not all teenagers here.

Where did this come from? I'm not looking for bestseller status and riches (though they would be nice!), and nothing in my response equated "you're unlikely to make a living writing" to "you're a lousy writer." I'm well aware that many of the greatest writers in history couldn't make a living by writing, while some really lousy ones have managed to churn out bestsellers and make millions.

It seemed to me that, in the context of the original post, Jack was discouraging us from writing, period. It was never about making a living writing; it was simply about being published, which is a much more reasonable goal.

 

If you think your calling in life is to be a writer (either through natural ability, passion, or some combination of the two) what is there to even ask? You're going to take whatever route you think will you get you there based on factors like speed, convenience, or necessity. But you're going to try because that's your calling. Its your birth right.

Why should it matter what other people say? "You likely won't make it" does not sound to me like a well intended phrase. It sounds like something said by people who have not chased their dreams for whatever reasons: fear, peer pressure, laziness, lack of focus. It also coincides with the reality that most people do not appreciate the emotional, mental, and physical hardships one might have to go through to cross the gap between mediocrity and self fulfillment. Why should they? Mediocrity refers to most people (myself included at this point) for a reason.
I am sure at one point in my life I have said "Pfft. You're not going to make it" or "Pfft. He's not going to make it." And I can tell you the words were not well meaning but spiteful. Its a natural jealous and competitive tendency built into even the best of us. Obviously I would never say those words now to/about anyone.

In the end I think you have to believe in yourself, even if your best friend, even if the love of your life, does not share your convictions.

 

That's definitely not how I interpreted him. I interpreted him as saying that a person does need money to live, and since writing is unlikely to bring in enough money, a writer has to do something else in addition to writing.

 

Hi TDFuringer,

I just popped on after several days' absence (read: college paper) and your first note was the first thing I read. I regret I haven't read the rest of this thread yet but I can't tonight (it's almost midnight and my day starts at 5AM. Yikes!). I will later. Until I do, I wanted to say that my heart goes out to you!!!
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My dad advised me not to try writing even as a hobby, even though I've been at it for over twenty years. Despite his well-meant advise (and I'm not being sarcastic, I truly believe his motivation was he didn't want me to be hurt like he was when he got his first piece published) I still write. I just don't talk to him about it. My mother is a published poet who is overly critical of everything I write. I think she took up psychoanalysis as a hobby some years ago and never gave it up (yes, that is sarcasm). Therefore, I don't share my work with her, either, although I'd very much like to. If she would only sit back and enjoy it! But that's not who she is.
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What I've discovered is that, while those around me love me in their own way, I can't change who they are, nor is it right for me to put them in a position where they can try to change who I am. It gets awful lonely sometimes, especially when the "so, what did you do last week" question comes up. I hardly ever mention that I write.
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I think the best person to decide what is realistic for my life's choices are myself. I've made plenty that weren't the best, plenty were made under the advise of close family that sometimes did turn out well, but perhaps the choices that meant the most for me were the ones I decided to follow on my own. They were my own regrets; my own victories. I think you may see that yours isn't just a question about what you want to be in life, but who you want to be in life as well.
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One last thought ... as far as chances go. I don't believe anyone has a "chance" at anything. It takes a lot of hard work to achieve ... just about anything. Show me a job where success is guaranteed and I'll sell you the pier I got out back (I live in a desert!). I think we get out of something what we put in. You have a "chance" at a published career because you are serious, because you are motivated, and because these things mean you are persistent about your craft ... these are the things that will get you not just published but a successful career as well.
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Shakespeare wrote something of value a long time ago I think you already know, but reminders can be encouraging: To thyne own self be true.
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Cheers!
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C.L.
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By the way, do you remember what John Lennon's Aunt told him about playing the guitar? She told 'the guitar is okay for a hobby, but you'll never make a living at it'. After he was famous he had a bronze plaque made and gave it to her to hang up in her house.

 

What was said in the OP was "have suggested I try a different career path" - and career path indicates to me making a living from writing. Again, I didn't read anything in Jack's post that others (including me) hadn't already said.

 

Have you ever seen the movie Rudy? Though based on a true story, the theme is real enough, even if it had not been. Rudy's family simply projected their own inadequacies onto their son and brother. It was never meant to be malicious. To me, that makes all the difference. They truly believed he couldn't make it to Notre Dame and the idea that he could make it onto their football team was even more ridiculous. When he was accepted to Notre Dame, his father was stunned and when he recovered, proudly announced that his son was going to Notre Dame over the company loudspeaker in the middle of his shift. Suddenly, Rudy had expanded his families universe and their belief in what was possible for themselves as well. They were in no man's land and suspended disbelief that he could make the team. They still didn't believe it, but they had just seen the impossible and were ready to accept that maybe impossible things happen.

I don't want to get too personal, but I believe that I've seen in a post you've written before that your family taught you that you, by natural extension of the family, were superior to others. Few take this position without a fair amount of self-doubt or underlying insecurity. The idea of you becoming a writer may be pushing this particular button.

Ultimately, I think you have to accept that their attempt to kill your dreams is about them and not you. You get to inherit their limitations, set your own, or abandon the concept of limitations altogether. As I break into a new genre, I know I have a long way to go but I am published, am under contract for two more books and have read some of what you have written. I agree with your assessment of your chances: you have a way better than average chance of success.

 

And while I'm on the subject...

In May of 1982, I was told I'd never walk unassisted again.
I've since run a marathon.
I was told I'd never read or write again.
I've since went back to college and received degrees in math and physics while in the honors program. Oh yeah, I've since had a book published - third printing as we speak.
My wife was sentenced to life without parole in 1988 and we were told we'd never make it.
She came home Dec. 1st 2011 and life couldn't be better.