Moderator Note - this thread is locked, as the subject belongs in our Workshop area. The Word Mechanics section is for short, specific questions about grammar, word usage, etc. New Member didn't know, so no harm done. Hey there! First time poster here, so I hope I've got this in the right place. I'm an amateur writer and long time DnD player, and I'm looking to write a short paragraph to describe the transformation of a character I'm playing. To give you some context, the character has made several deals with devils for beauty and fame, and this final transformation is where she becomes the person she's always wanted to be. I really want to ham up the description - she's vain and egotistical, and I want the writing to reflect that. Though I also really want to convey the idea that she's almost too perfect, to the point where it's more scary than alluring. "The swirling maelstrom of dark energy tears at her skin, ripping hair from its roots and flesh from their bones, stripping away the needless excess of the human form. At last the storm begins to clear, the woman ready to be reborn into the world. What emerges is a creature of vespertine beauty, flawless beyond comparison. Every inch of her body a masterpiece etched in charcoal and blood. Her eyes glimmer with the light of a thousand dying stars and carry the lustful confidence that could stop a man’s heart. And yet, there was something dreadful about her. Every part of her too perfect, a forbidden fantasy realised with such terrifying detail that it paralysed onlookers with an equal mix of fascination and horror." I don't want it to go on too long, since this is a piece of collaborative storytelling, and I feel the current description is a bit fluffy, for lack of a better word. I know this is far from the standards most people on here write to, but I'd appreciate any feedback on how I could make this stronger.