I suppose in which context it's said then. I've watched documentaries where they call themselves gigolos, and selling their body is exactly what they do. Also... isn't providing companionship for stuff... a type of prostitution? Mind you, I'm actually not speaking down on sexual workers, but I was always under the impression that selling your body (in any shape) for profit (of any kind) is the definition of prostitution. And sorry to derail the topic. > <
And that's exactly how that comment came about, since I am woefully unemployed at the moment, yet my lady has a decent job therefore I must be a gigolo.
Yeah, it really stinks when other people 'disapprove' of your relationship. They aren't even involved but they still love to judge. They think that you are somehow delusional or don't know what's best for yourself. It's crazy. My wife is 10 years younger than I am and as most of you know, we live according to our faith and that means that my wife is a stay-at-home mom and I am the breadwinner. People hear the word 'submission' and all of sudden they think my wife is a second-class citizen chained in the basement. People just judge unfairly, and you just have to ignore then and focus on you and your partners happiness.
My mother stayed at home with me until I was nine, not for religion (though we're catholics) but because she wanted to. Never associated it with her being chained in the non-existent basement.
You didn't have a scary basement growing up? You missed out! Anyways, there are people who feel the need to judge my wife and I because of our religion. She places herself under my authority, just as I am also under a higher authority. We usually ignore these people but the truth is that everybody should find their own happiness, whatever that may be and ignore the naysayers.
That's absolutely ridiculous. With the amount of people unemployed, you think someone would understand the concept of 'unemployed'. Even if you weren't looking for a job, there's absolutely no reason why you couldn't be the houseman (in place of housewife) if that's where the two of you were most comfortable. I think it may relate to sexism in general more than it does a dating double sstandard.
Currently I am looking for employment, but in the mean time I do the grocery shopping, cleaning, etc... I think it's called doing a fair share of the work load, hardly being a gigolo.
Yes, that is doing a fair share of the work load. Especially if she is working full time, that is actually incredibly helpful.
@jazzabel - oh I feel for your brother-in-law Yeah, racism is a funny thing because every racist is convinced they're not racist. That's the thing with discrimination - we always find a way to justify it. My Czech student, who is a perfectly lovely woman and certainly not the most racist considering I'm her English teacher, was telling me just what she hates about the Roma people. She said, and I quote, "They make us racist!" Upon which I said, "I'm not sure that could justify actually being racist though." At that, she back-tracked and said, "But I'm not racist." Good on your sister to marry her husband anyway! Can't have been easy going against your mother. My husband went through it and it was a horrific roller coaster. Thankfully all is well ever since we got married - now I am expected at all family events, where nobody speaks English (though they can speak it just fine, the mother's an English teacher) and where I am invisible Nobody talks to me, and I got too tired of one-word answers that I stopped talking too. The food is always good though lol. @KaTrian - My family loves my husband. Had he been black, it might have been a little more problematic, but overall I have good faith that my mum would've been ok in the end even with that. But since my husband's white, I never had any problems. And besides, both of my parents employ the practice of "Never criticise your daughter's partner because all it does is damage relationships". Being white is a good thing, being black is not, basically. I think my mum would have had a heart attack if I'd been with a black man, but then I think she would soften over time once she sees his character - my mum is one of those slightly old-fashioned and traditional type who values kindness and meekness, and she's able to see past her prejudices. Now I know my mum is definitely slightly racist towards black people, but in the past she's had teachers and met pastors who were black, and she had great respect for them because of their clearly mature and gentle character. Essentially the good ones are the exceptions for her, but she does accept that good ones exist. So not so bad really. Anyway, nah they do really love him, and not because he's white but because my husband treats them very well and is very helpful around the house. Often my husband would do the dishes and my dad would tell him to go sit down. It's a good balance because from my parents' POV, they don't want us to work but to enjoy ourselves, but at the same time, they are the parents and the senior, therefore it is appropriate that we should help, esp cus we're family. So they do not require or demand the help, but they very much appreciate it and see it as a mark of respect and love (esp the willingness to help). It's actually kinda cute. My husband loves his veggies and yoghurt and honey - none of which my parents really eat much of. So when they know he's coming, they stock up on apples and oranges and tomatoes and rush around looking for honey for him The funny thing is, they often don't buy enough because my husband eats a lot of yoghurts and veggies, but my parents think they've bought more than enough hehehe. My family is the sort who very much shows their love through food, and then they offer my husband seafood and chicken nuggets at midnight, and my healthy husband is horrified
@Mckk: It's difficult because my mother falls head over heels for my husband who is typically pale English/Irish guy, he can't do wrong. Ok, he is really polite, and a doctor (she is one of those doctor-lawyer-banker-maybe engineer are the only professions that matter) whereas my sister's husband is a computer programmer and a bit blunt, also, a very proud black man (one has to be in this effed up world) which gives her plenty of opportunity to blame his character and what not. He doesn't spare her anymore, so it's a stand off, lol. My other sister's married to a Malaysian guy who is an investment banker so all is forgiven basically. My mum is a snob, that's basically the biggest problem. I think all the racists are snobs, desperate social climbers who think a member of the family who is of a different race will somehow downgrade their rating with their friends. Pretty tragic if you ask me.
The meaning of words often changes over time and different generations see different connotations in them. It's my observation that nowadays, especially among younger people (and at least in Western countries) a gigolo is a double-edged sword: if a guy calls another guy a gigolo, it's generally a complement albeit with a tiny barb hidden under the surface. If a woman calls a guy a gigolo, it's generally a bad thing. And if anyone describes a guy as a gigolo to a girl, his chances of getting into her pants are pretty slim (unless he's suave enough to charm her anyway, proving the tag wrong by convincing her he's actually taking her seriously, which, if he isn't, proves the tag right... it's a paradox). Or sometimes a woman can use a "gigolo" like a guy can use a "loose woman": she knows he's game, she likes his body, so he's good for a shag but nothing more serious. It's basically impossible to be single and like sex without ending up somehow socially stigmatized, be you male or female.
A computer programmer is pretty impressive. My husband's in IT and even he can't grasp everything the programmers do. Interesting observation re the desperate social climber - my husband's mother is definitely such a woman. If it's not expensive, it's not worth it. Totally agree with you. I'm glad your other's sister's husband was saved by his banker job at least! Do the rest of you have good relationships at least? That does help and I'm definitely grateful for my husband's friendly brothers.
pardon me for belaboring the subject, but i'd like to make my thoughts on this clear to one and all: a life partner wouldn't be a 'gigolo' regarless of his age or the age of his mate and regardless of which one provides the majority of their income, since the relationship is a bilateral emotional commitment, as well as an economic one... a gigolo, in the age-old meaning of the word is only a part-time paid companion/sex partner, not a full-time, committed 'spouse/so' in a shared economic situation... and neither a man nor a woman in any committed relationship can with any honesty be considered akin to a prostitute, since the sex life they share is not on a 'pay-for-play' basis... it irks me no end when some claim wives [of either gender] are no more/better than prostitutes, since pros don't have to wash their johns' dishes and dirty underwear, bear their babies, or put up with pesky in-laws... being a life partner, no matter what that means these days, has in the vast majority of cases meant giving much more than is received--often on both sides... years of connubial life-sharing can't ever equate to a few minutes of anonymous sex and cash left on the dresser... ok... lecture over... thanks for 'listening' [or ignoring me politely]! love 'n hugs, m
There's nothing wrong with doing your share. I don't work at the moment, though I am looking for work. What am I supposed to do in the meantime? Lie around the house all day drinking beer and watching football because doing the dishes/laundry/vacuuming/cooking is woman's work? Or should I get that shit out of the way so when my lady gets home it's taken care of and we can do other fun things? The latter sounds more reasonable don't you think?
I think you're onto something here, Jazz. I've noticed this too. I know a few people like that from my old home town, one of them being my dad's second wife, definitely a bit of a social climber (when "her" car, a Mercedes-Benz, was in the shop and she had to drive a measly Mazda, she was embarrassed to be seen in it) and no stranger to racial slurs. My dad, on the other hand, comes from such humble beginnings there was a time he didn't have a single pair of shoes to wear to school and really had to work his ass off for what he's got now that it may have affected how he perceives people. It doesn't matter how they look, where they're from, etc. he always treats them with kindness. This used to happen with my mom too. I always tell her beforehand that she should buy a lot of milk when T and I are coming to visit. Nowadays she has a better idea what "a lot" means in this context, but a few years ago she always bought too little even though she thought it was enough Anyway, thanks, mckk, for shedding some light on your family dynamics. I find it interesting 'cause my family has loved my hubby right from the beginning (even the snobby "stepmom" of mine) even though half of his family comes from a country that's not generally held in high regard in Finland.
Not necessarily. Like down here in the southern U.S. you'll see plenty of poor folks and "average joes" that don't like anybody but whites just for the hell of it. And it's not even all racial. There's even a few that hate everybody: gays, catholics, jews, you name it. Even more glaring, if you ask point blank why, they can't give you an answer.
That always bothered me, even though (I live near NYC) I've never met a racist. I mean, at least have a reason for hating someone!(Yes, yes, hating is bad anyway.)
@Algsia: Good point. I suppose there are many different types of racists. My whole family is very well educated, mum included, so I suppose at that intellectual level, one can't be happy with ignorance, they have to rationalise. @KaTrian: Lol, my mum also drives a Merc. She's never without one My dad isn't racist at all either, but ask him about gays... Mum has quite a few gay friends, on the other hand. Sometimes I think they are just trying to piss each other off.
