Does this make sense

There are certain moments in life, when wishing the ground would open up and swallow you whole, doesn’t quite seem enough. Sometimes you deserve to be chewed up and spat out several times, before you’re eventually swallowed

 

I think it does

 

Yes. But I'd get rid of the commas in the first sentence.

 

Thanks guys.

 

Without context, that's a very good line IMO. The phrase "deserve to be chewed up and spat out" really resonated with me. As if a character's actions don't warrant an execution. They earn a slow, enduring torture, first.

 

I'd lose ALL the commas.

 

@Shadowfax - I probably would as well, though I'd be willing to accept the last one if the author really wanted it there.

 

Thanks guys. I do tend to over comma so I have removed them, and it definitely improves things.

 

When you're using commas, like I am right here, the bit squeezed between the commas can be omitted and the sentence would still work, syntactically.
In other cases you're simply noting that there should be a break in cadence, a change of pace, or that ideas are linked without being a part of one fluid sentence. Only when you could, again, omit the words and retain meaning.
If you're listing things like grammatical understanding, syntactical strength, fluidity in writing, smooth sounding sentences and other things, you also want commas. Your final comma in the list comes after the second to last thing being listed if there's a word to take its place. (Apples, oranges and pears-- or apples, oranges, pears-- the 'and' takes the place of punctuation, if not there you need the comma)

None of your uses of commas were correct in those sentences. Not every time you find a dramatic pause in your head merits a comma, in fact, almost none of those cases are appropriate-- a dash or two works better.

 

In addition to removing the three commas, I would get rid of "certain" and "eventually". It's stronger without them.

There are certain moments in life when wishing the ground would open up and swallow you whole doesn’t quite seem enough. Sometimes you deserve to be chewed up and spat out several times before you’re eventually swallowed

 

Ha, thank you both. This is just the first draft to the sequel of the book in my sig, so hopefully I'll have mastered the comma a little bit more before I finish I get to the end. Was that comma right? lol

Gingercoffee, yep I agree

 

Yes, both were correct.