Dub Yeff - Lyric Duels thread

Now look here...
my name isn't PlayStation.
It is PureSnows, white as the frostiest nation.
Besides, my childhood belongs to the Nintendo corporation
and not Sony's failstation.

Evil D4ve wants us to rhyme critique,
so respectfully I will say
form some sentences in your poetic game.
For it gives such a smoother shade!

It is not hard, Mr Bee Eee Noo.
Take a sentence, a normal sentence
and split either in three, four, six or five
or maybe even two.

And just like with prose
you only capitalize after a full-stop dose.
See how the y wasn't big?
Its cause I split mid-sentence, and not a full-stop dose.

Or at least, I think so.
For the PureSnows' poetry knowledge is so-so.
So if I'm wrong, please jab me in the toe
With a rhyme so powerful
It shakes the earth's dome.

For Mr. Evil D4ve
I have but one thing to say.
Your rhymes are good,
form's perfectly due.

But at the end of the day,
maybe one of those distant days
I'll find one flaw
to preach and say.

 

I’m counting on the upthrust, I must, or be bust,
Fight against sinking, that’s what I am thinking, do you see me blinking?
Archimedes’ homeboy, Eureka is a joy. Buoy me up by a force
Of course. The weight of the displaced fluid swims me like a zooid or a druid
On drugs.
Give me hugs. As I rise from submersion, here’s my conversion, like bubbles,
No troubles.
Density calls the game, if it ain’t the same, this is my fame.
I rise and float, don’t worry won’t gloat, but you ought to take note,
The bottom is not where it’s at, that’s a fact,
Defy gravity. Yeah, you and me. Embrace buoyancy.

 

Posting way over here 'cause this ain't no rhyme nor verse.
Sorry y'all, don't want to make nobody curse
(even our Canadienne). But I just ran across this
crazy shit in the appendix of a book
and thought you might just take a look:

Flyting: A live, oral competition traditionally featuring the exchange
of elaborate and ingenious insults. It is primarily associated
with Scottish poetic tradition. See Slam.​

 

Go down to Brighton fer a Flytin'
Them's fightin' words fer sure!
I don't know if you want to go
But I'll accompany ya, sir

It seems to work best for me if I go into a persona, a voice, a dialect—especially one from a culture that has these traditions (warrior cultures methinks). I'll bet Vikings would roast each other sorely and merrily over bonfires and good cold tankards of ale, and then slap each other on the back and laugh till the boars came home. Or just kill each other on the spot. But merrily, with twinkles in their eyes! In warrior cultures it was absolutely necessary to learn to take an insult without getting ruffled, and come back with a smile and a witticism of your own, slamming the other person. It shows you're still capable of thinking on your feet. Because the first one to get mad loses (or kills the other one).

We still have this traditon—we call it a Celebrity Roast.​

 

Ancient poets were revered, never feared, had no peers.
This reminds me of something I read in Roger Rosenblatt’s
Thomas Murphy, a story nearly perfy,
I know I made up a word, but had to, to be heard.
Anyway, ancient poets, don’t you know it, were known as the Music,
And when conquering kings came
Such was their command, being grand, maybe they had it planned,
They said, “Kill ‘em all, except for the Music.”
Poetry is a saving grace, for them we make space; beauty in the rat race.

 

This is an excellent Celebrity Slam Session, entirely in Free Verse—one of my favorites:

Trigger warning for some pretty vulgar language (which is what makes it so great)


Apparently you can't see the whole thing for free anywhere. It's out there but always behind paywalls. That tells you how good it is.

The best part though was when the Hoff finally got his turn at the mic. He was completely un-Hassled. What a champion!! This is the winning attitude—either that or he's an ice cold psychopath with absolutely no human feelings. Either way, you can't help but feel great watching this:

 

Did you see the Hoff roast-show, Pam's a big double dee
Got our own double ell—a Canuck chickadee
If you're not sick of me I got something to rhyme
I won't ask for much patience, it won't take too much time

Syllable count is three, and the third one is stressed
What is that pattern called, a tricorder?—I guessed
I'm not blessed with much knowledge of poetry yet
But I bet I'll get better when the gettin' gets wet.

Man I really did flub that, I killed that last line
It ain't got no meaning, cause I forced it to rhyme
And I see the enjambment don't work when you stop
The first freakin' dumb line, and then just down-drop.

It must be continuous, gotta flow right on through,
or you're just gonna screw it all up like I'm doing right now.
Well this is a lost cause, my attempt sure does stink
But I won't let it hurt eh? 't's my birthday, I'll drink.

Have fun everyone! Hasselhoff here I come!

 

You know this badass pimp, they call me Set2Stun
When I step to the mic y'all should be Set 2 RUN
That's right motherfuckers, Set2Stun as in SHOCKS
And I got more rejections than writers got blocks

Submitting's my game and I do it in volume
Dis me but I'll still keep the peace like I'm John Hume
Editors hatin' my shit, go on and scoff
Cause imma knight ride yo girls like Hasselhoff

Think y'all safe if you post in the workshop?
Hell naw imma come after y'all nonstop
Gonna crit on yo shit til it screams perfection
I'll fuck your prose hard and I ain't usin' protection

*mic drop*

 

Aw hell naw, what's this shit, I'd pay fiddy-fi bucks
Just to see this invasion of cussin' Canucks!

 

Xoic vs Set2Stun #1

Yeah that's pretty badass, my man, gotta say
You rhyme pretty good, glad you 'cided to play
But just one condition, before you can git in
this rap battle game here, you gotta take critt'in'

That's a pretty big stun-gun, might take out some ants
but I hear it's much bigger than what's in your pants
What I think we got here's what they call compen-sate-ean
Or maybe it's just cause you're so damn Canadian?

Don't take no offense, you know I'm just fakin'
But this is a roast, think I'll have me some bacon
The Mounties lean pretty hard into the stirrup,
Think I'll fry up my ham with some good maple syrup

I hassled the Hoff, you know that's where I'm at,
but I'm jus' 'bout to shit now all over the Shat
He talks sort of haltin' can't act worth a damn
Aw, who am I kiddin' we all know he's the man

* * *​

What happened to my more complex structures? They're all simple and sing-songy now. And I realized, it's because I stopped thinking about particular songs and instead started thinking about foot and meter. I either need to get to some more complex structures, or go back to thinking about songs. I guess it's that thing where as soon as you're trying to learn something new, your tongue sticks out the corner of your mouth and you lose all your grace and become awkward and foolish. It's the price you gotta pay to learn some new shit. But once you go through it (what the Buddhists call beginner's mind) and put in enough practice time, you come out better, faster, stronger...

And I still can't break that habit of ending every sentence at the end of a line. That also makes it sound simple and sing-songy. That's another part of what made Ant's first entry so epic. Though I think mister Dave was already doing it (like all the other innovations the rest of us came up with after the fact). I need to just work on that one thing till I get it flowin'. Then I can get goin'. And I can't help but notice, sometimes my prose sort of flows almost like I was a poet.

 

Xoic vs Set2Stun #2

Xoic here once again, keep the stunner-man honest
Where's all this critiquin' it seems like you promised?
Damn, still stoppin' my sentence the end of each line
Concentratin' on crittin, just ain't got the time

That last line in the stanza right there, number two?
gonna tell mister stun-gun what you oughta do.
It just seems to me like the meter is off
You shoulda put "Ride all yo girls like The Hoff."

You new to this rap game, so listen to me
Yeah, we pretty tight, right, so this lesson be free
Don't hate, straight from me right to you it's a given
Cause I know you, you got that Canadian rhythm

Awwww, SNAP!

 

Intermission—


Wait—was that... Scottish Thor?

 

Beaming up shorty since the first generation
While they're stunned, he boldly comes
Where, before, some men have come
Captain, O Captain, O Set2Stun

 

(Yo) this is my Ode to "Ho"
She fits the metre (oh!)
Of all the professions, she's first
She's always been diverse
Since the world was even worse
So habitually objectified
That now she only rolls her eyes
In more senses than one
"Ho" belongs to everyone
So let's give her an E, or a 'postrophe

There is, maybe statistically,
In the Brigadoonbocks (what?)
More chance that she may be
Integral to the community
Or part of the poet's actual family
Than if we heard about her
In 1993 from a music CD by Chuck D

That academic technicality
Won't bother most folks
Unless they're woke
At least woker than me

But please remember
And this is a point of order
When trying a new milieu
Some of its words won't belong to us
Extra Copyright Plus
"Ho" fits the metre
But "Boy" might be a gloss for
Male child in any age
If I may put it another way,
Unless we practice conscience
And always edit, respecting audience
We won't know our foot was in our mouth
Until someone else had to take it out

 

Oh, it seems that we're doing this again.
Overnight, this thread rose from the dead
like a flower
sprouting from the depths of the earth.

Two Canakunians are here.
Set2Stun and LewOne The Learning.
Your country's better than the USA
which costs an arm and a leg
just to fix a single leg.

Now Xoic don't be mad
The USA is one fine land.
You just need to take a stick and a stone,
and beat the fuck out of those high up in business line.

Though I'm supposed to roast you, aren't I?
There ain't no rhyme scheme,
but Homer's got my poetic beat.
And Aristotle my three-act feat.

For I come from a land of ancient philosophers
Full of men and women dressed in white cloaks
And Gods powerful and mighty
Overlooking through the skyscape.

Now Hermes will deliver you this message.
Set2Stun? More like... Set32One
For you will run
From my sky maiden's wrath.

 

Xoic vs Nobody (Xoic = love)

For those who might not want to make someone bleed
You could take a clue from the Ass-ass-in's Creed
One of the Flytin' fights feels really damn fine
Just start @ the part 22:49



That carries you right up to flyte number 8
They flip the whole script, to admirin' from hate
They say pleasant things, make each other feel nice
Both walk away happy, there is no blood-price

Respect

 

I've not played Assassins Creed
But this is really cool, indeed.
And the graphics are real nice
Like feta cheese.

Mr. Xoic The Stoic
I come from Nintendo land
where graphics hardly matter
as opposed to the fun that is scattered.

Still I appreciate this game's message
And to whoever wrote the passage
I offer my sincerest joy
Because it was very pleasant.

 

Xoic the stoic, unheroic, doncha know it
His rap game so ancient he more like MESO-Xoic
You gonna diss on my crits, Mr. Show and Tell?
Your rhymes are so trash it's more like Show and SMELL

Coming after me about the size of my pencil?
My shit's so damn big it's motherfuckin' prehensile
And there's one thing 'bout my phaser you're forgetting
So watch ya damn mouth or I'll be changing the setting

***
LOL this is a lot of fun. I wanted to do at least 4 more lines - all of them trashing Americans - but this poetry takes time!
Great thread, love it

 

Well, I did start these harsh and barbarian blows, yes that's something I cannot deny,
So I weather the storm of Canadian scorn while I'm squinting my one steely eye
And yes it was I who posted the roasted and terribly tormented Hoff
where taste and decorum were victims as well, and civilized rules were shut off

But then I discovered the Assassin's Creed and uncovered a whole 'nuther way
That probably mimicks the Scotland technique of the Flyting as done in its day
Examine the answers that lead to a win, and the losing ones if you've the time
And you'll find that there's more to this insulting game than just dragging a man through the brine

Cleverness counts, and wit does as well, but if one is paying attention,
The brutalest answers are not winning ones, they make of you naught but a henchman
A win takes respect—at least of a sort—one must never insult without care
That shows lack of class, makes of one just an ass, and the vict'ry should be fine and fair

The art here I b'lieve is to give and receive without wounding the other guy's pride
At the end of the day he should walk away with respect for your skill with a jibe
Too deeply be wounding a Scottish-man's pride and you leave him no recourse but murder
It's a gentleman's art, to fillet one apart, while retaining respect as a 'worder'.

 

Stop it now Xoic, stop it right now, you’re raising this bar way too high

It’s all just a lark, a little bit of fun and you come here ready to fly (t)

Flatten that curve and clip those wings and lower the tone my good man

Dumb it down just a bit, swear now and then, give the rest of us a chan-

-ce what you want but drop a syllable or two, less complexity

How did he do it?

He picked up a book

Oh no, it cannot be so

And yes, there’s more, sit down my friend

What happened next? Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know

ok do

I see it coming, I know what’s next

The horror, the peril, I dread it

A man with a book is a dangerous thing

A man with a book and he read it

 

Yo, Hammer, that's nice, no roll of the dice,
You're killin' it, chillin' it, pretty cool,
I ain't fool-ing, you sing, you got that thing,
For rhyme, glad you had the time,
To entertain, welcome to the game.

 

Well my friend mister Nooge, he's a good-natured stooge, and he raises a point worth concedin'
Too much I'm expectin' from this motley collection of vagabonds, minstrels and heathen

 

Yo, B.E. Nugent, to a girl with a book, we say, and pray,
Educate, speculate, find your fate, don’t be late, to the party,
Yo, get reading it, feeling it?
Get nimble in the symbol,
Illumination, no frustration, satisfay-tion. Pages from the ages
Gives a girl power, she’s more than a flower, in every hour,
Yeah, there’s dangers from strangers,
But books are friends,
A universe that does not end, can even mend, get with the trend,
Break it down, books is kicks, bet all your chips, go on, read my lips.

 

You know, I complained—a ways back in the game—that I'd lost all my sophistication
But now do I find it's the length of the line that allows you to dazzle the nation