1. Andrejs Brivulis

    Andrejs Brivulis New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2018
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    5

    Ending/plot development for a story about a possessed house

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Andrejs Brivulis, Jun 4, 2018.

    Hi!

    I recently started writing a short story about a man who lives in a house. The house’s name is Amy and it is possessed/has a personality. Amy loves the MC and the MC kinda loves her but, as the plot progresses they get into conflicts. One of which is caused by the fact that Amy has a rule - the MC has to be home before 10 pm otherwise she tortures him with blindingly white light and a headache. After one of these times the MC gets so pissed that he decides to go to a club and bring home a girl for a one-night stand to get revenge. (Because he knows that Amy loves him and that doing that will get under Amy’s skin)
    It goes wrong really quickly when Amy murders the girl next morning.
    The story mainly focuses on the relationship between these two characters and how it escalates after some of the things that happen.
    After a while the MC attempts to commit a suicide but Amy saves him from dying and says: “I don't think you want to die at this point in time but, if you ever do, just say it to me. I can make you die in peace.”
    At the end the MC is almost completely mentally broken and he asks Amy for the favor hoping to end it all. What he doesn't realize soon enough is that when Amy makes him die, he awakes as a spirit just like Amy and is doomed to be with her as long as the house will be there.

    I'm asking for advice regarding this sort of ending and if it would be fitting/good for such a story. I would also be more than pleased if anyone submits their ideas of how the story could end. I'm also open to some ideas that could be interesting to use for the plot development which can ultimately lead to the MC’s breakdown.

    Thanks!
     
  2. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    14,019
    Likes Received:
    15,575
    Location:
    Scotland
    Hmm. I think the story definitely has potential. I think I'm curious about how it began. Did your man inherit the house, or what? How did their relationship begin?

    Your ending seems fine. One thing you could work with is that, if he is also a spirit, she will no longer control him, will she? They'll be equals, at least. Maybe trapped together as long as the house stands, but she won't be able to do anything to him.

    Just had another thought ... what if, just before he dies, he arranges for the house to be demolished after his death? He could make a will, or something to that effect. So even though he's a spirit who has to haunt the house along with her, he knows it won't be for long?

    One big question, though. If it's the house that is the spirit, why doesn't he just move away? Or demolish the house himself?
     
  3. Andrejs Brivulis

    Andrejs Brivulis New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2018
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    5

    Thank you so much for the descriptive reply.
    Yea, one thing that I forgot to mention is that in this story the man doesn't really know for how long he has been living in the house and he doesn't really remember anything prior to that. He knows that he had a childhood that wasn't in this house but, he doesn't remember his parents and basiclly nothing of the said childhood. It never is said so but, through the MC’s thoughts the reader can kind of make out that Amy might've partly erased his memory so he wouldn't have anything else but her to worry about. The whole story is told through the perspective of the MC so just like the MC doesn't know what was before, the reader also doesn't know what was before. But it’s something I can definetly think about (or maybe evan make it so that the MC later starts remembering bits and pieces and that can develop the relationship further)

    I didn't think about the fact that they as spirits would be equal, so thanks for pointing that out. Well... at this point in time the MC doesn't really hate Amy. He also kinda loves her so I should probably eventually make him hate her if I want to make it so that it’s basiclly like hell being stuck with her.

    Oh and yeah - another thing I forgot to mention is that the house is an appartment building so demolishing it wouldn't quite be a realistic option, but a cool idea nontheless.
     
  4. GlitterRain7

    GlitterRain7 Galaxy Girl Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2017
    Messages:
    623
    Likes Received:
    872
    Really good idea!
    I assume you're going for the twist ending so you did it right in that perspective. I see no problems with it. If you're looking to continue the story after he dies, you could have some sort of spirit battle or something, where the loser ultimately does not exist anymore
     
  5. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    14,019
    Likes Received:
    15,575
    Location:
    Scotland
    An apartment building? So does she just haunt his part of the building, or does she have the same kind of hold on all the residents? That's an interesting twist you could work with.

    The thing is, if he's supernaturally brainwashed, then he won't be thinking in terms of pissing her off by bringing in 'another woman,' will he? Furthermore, he'll be totally obedient to her at all times (and this is kind of boring) so she won't need to give him punishment headaches, etc. I'd maybe give him a bit more control over his life. In fact, I think I'd ditch the idea of his memory being wiped, etc. That makes him nothing but a passive puppet with no brain of his own, and it's hard to work up any kind of empathy with him.

    It's your story, but I'm wondering if it might not be more exciting if he did have a mind of his own. He falls in love with this house spirit for some reason OTHER than brainwashing. He moves to the house, and finds a kind of comfort there that he's been seeking all his life, etc, and falls in love with the spirit of the place. He does get out into the real world, so he must have some notion that this relationship is not normal, but he's happy enough ...until.... And go from there?

    Just brainstorming. It's your story. But I think if you just dwell on the 'horror' aspect ...guy gets driven mad then killed by a house spirit and becomes a house spirit himself, yikes ...without any real delving into personalities or aspects of free will this scenario encourages, then the story won't be quite as memorable.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2018
  6. Andrejs Brivulis

    Andrejs Brivulis New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2018
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    5
    Thanks again for the descriptive reply.
    Yeah, it is actually planned that he does have a mind on his own and he wasn't brainwashed to fall in love with Amy. The only brainwashing Amy did is erasing some of his memories. Other than that he has a will and a mind of his own.
    And the other residents of the house live normally and don't have any clue that the house actually is alive.
     
    jannert likes this.

Share This Page