Explain a book (badly)

Fixed that for ya. ;D

 

God I'm a madman.

 

The Water Knife

There's no more water and everybody is killing each other.

 

Dawn by Octavia Butler

A bunch of alien interstellar frat boys / girls / its (they have three sexes) capture a whole buttload of humans and put them to sleep. Sometimes they wake up cranky. When the humans wake up, the aliens point their face tentacles at them accusingly. Not much gets said and nobody likes anybody else. The reader doesn't like anybody, either. Will they eventually go to Earth? Will they not go to Earth? Does anybody care?

 

You just broke my heart, Minstrel.

 

Not intentionally. I was trying to explain the book badly. I thought I did a pretty good job of badly explaining Dawn.

 

Dracula by Bram Stoker

There's this freaky bloke with fangs. Fuckin' weirdo if you ask me.

 

Beowulf

Braggart shows up, kills a misshapen wretch and his mother. His ego gets the better of him in his old age, and a dragon finishes him off.

 

The Illiad:Ch 1:
Whiny soldier cries to Sea Goddess mummy because another dude stole his sex slave.

The Odessey:
Sailor dude gets screwed, literally and metaphorically.

 

ASOIAF

Favourite character? Dead.

 

The Year of the Hare, a novel by Arto Paasilinna.
A midlife crisis results in a rabbit that's not quite road-kill becoming man's best friend.

 

Watership Down, a novel by Richard Adams.
Psychotic bunny leads buddies on wild-goose-chase.

 

Not to mention sending a kid off to a place like that for allegedly kiping a pair of tennis shoes in a first offense.

It's my conviction that Holes is a fantasy novel and should be read as such. So there.

 

Apparently it's also a comedy, so comedic license.

 

Uncle Silas: Terminally-ill rich dude with a bug about restoring the family honor consigns his clueless minor daughter into the guardianship of his sinister, drugged-out, perpetually-skint younger brother. Brother/uncle plots "mysterious disappearance" for said niece, to get his hands on her money and keep his digs off the auction block.

Wait. You mean you can't inherit someone's fortune tomorrow because they've happened to go missing yesterday? Never mind.

 

War and Peace by Tolstoy.

Like it says, man – War and Peace.

 

the Nightwatch Series- people call it Russian Harry Potter. It's like magical secret stuff, so it's just like Harry Potter, right? Because she totally invented that first. And that's totally all there is to compare. (It's better than Harry Potter. And quite different.)

 

That was actually a good movie.

 

Animorphs Series- K.A. Applegate

Teenage kids meet weird scorpion/deer alien. Alien gives teens power to morph into animals that they touch/ have touched with a two hour time limit. Teens bounce back between going to school and trying to save earth from evil slug aliens, as animals the morph into of course. Along the way one gets stuck as a Red Tail Hawk, and they kinda sorta win in the end...

 

Animorphs is the kind of thing you read out of sheer boredom, read like ten of them, and then wonder whether that was a productive use of your time, or if you were just reading it for the hell of it. It's kinda good, for like, it's genre, but...

 

I read them as a kid. I liked the whole series and peripheral books. She cutoff writing another series after like 8 books in. Kinda pissed about it.

 

Aw. That must have been sad for you. They are very fun in a goofy way.

 

Well if I ever get the urge to purge, I have them at my disposal if I want to waltz down memory lane.

 

"The urge to purge" sounds like a deathmetal band.

 

Maul- Darth Maul as a kid is cute at first, but, not so much later on... Don't read this book if you want to feel uplifted.