The Queen and I. The independents gain power, they move the Queen and her family to a council estate. You can guess the rest.
Frankenstein A pillock makes a monster out of spare body parts, and then because of magic and the hopes and dreams of orphans, he is able to give it life and intelligence. One problem, the monster, Adam, is a bloody genius who can run at the land speed record and balance entire trees on one finger. So Pillock (I'll not dignify the moron with his actual name) decides the best thing to do is to constantly piss it off, until Adam demands Pillock go to Scotland to make lightening strike twice and made Adam a wife. Pillock agrees, and then doesn't; so the monster, understandably angry, says 'I'll be with you on your wedding day, matey'. So Pillock goes home to Switzerland to get married, because that's the thing you do with an impossibly strong genius with no known moral boundaries tells you he'll get even. So the obvious happens, and Pillock, totally shocked that the monster Adam who until this point did everything he said he was going to do did exactly what he said he was going to do, decides to track Adam down until he ends up chasing him to the north pole ... somehow.
Grass, Sherri S. Tepper The universe is a theocracy, because that's a shit place to start and the story can only get better from there. This Catholic family (who are thought of as the super liberals) gets assigned to go check things out on this planet that has lots and lots of grass, so they call it Grass instead of Dank or Crip or Kush. See, there's a plague on and it's been heard through the grapevine that there's no plague on Grass. The family (Marjory, her husband, son, daughter, and husband's mistress of whom she is completely aware) all go. Did I mention they like horses? They LOVE them. They even bring some because they find out that the families on Grass, who live on their individual Downton Abbey estates love horses too and also fox hunting, but what they don't know is that none of those words mean what they normally mean. Also there's this boy named Rillibee Chime who does some things in the other (conservative) church and also ends up on Grass. The family arrives and they try to get in with the fancy families out in their estates but the catholic family gets swiped to the left. Eventually the Lords and Ladies get curious and decide maybe they'll give the family a chance to come horse riding and fox hunting. Enter The Horses of Death. The family has no clue why these families are all so sketchy until they go out to the estates and see their first fox hunt. The horses are insane, killer, giant slashy knives/spikes-on-their-necks having beasts that control all the families. The "hounds" in the hunt are hounds from hell and the foxen are possibly trans-dimensional beings because you can't really see them too well when you look at them, but they're big. Really big. Later in the book you discover that the hounds, the horses and the foxen are all different stages in the life of the same creature, but for some reason the horse stage hates the foxen stage, and the foxen are intelligent on at least a human level. Marjory meets a fox and decides he's such a fox that she let's him have her cookies. She kinda' has an existential moment and isn't sure if boinking a clearly alien creature that she can't really see (But she sure can touch! Mmmm.... furry) is really a sin or not. She decides not to care. Other shit that I forgot to mention, The End. ETA: It was actually a really good book and I've read it several times, but one thing for which I cannot forgive the author is naming the lead female Marjorie Westriding. I mean, come on. That is such a goof, parody, soap opera, romance novel name. She loves horses and her surname is Westriding? A bit on the nose, aye? If someone writes a book about me I pray they don't surname me Enjoydick. (It's French, pronounced en-zhwah-dee. The CK is silent.)
An American Tragedy There is a beautiful woman that comes from a rich family. They own an electric factory. A young man decides the quickest way to getting rich is through the heart of this woman and her family's money. He marries her but then soon after uses her as a boat anchor. He ends up getting caught and is sentenced to death by electric chair. Oh the irony!
American Psycho Read mind numbing descriptions of 80's music and fashion and occasionally kill a few people...maybe.
Thank you so much for that link. I now know what I'll be doing instead of painting the bedroom when I get off work.
Ringu Guy goes to investigate mysterious deaths caused by transvestite woman child infecting videos with smallpox. I WISH I were kidding.
@Mckk - Your wish is my command! Narnia- War. Europe is covered in a shroud of darkness as the Nazi rampages all over the mainland and sending their planes to ravage the British countryside and cities. A small group of children take shelter far away from the worst of it where they soon find themselves...fighting in another war against another sort of evil in another world entirely, only this time this evil can turn folks into ice statues. One of their own is taken hostage by the evil witch, and their guide is a lion who is basically Jesus in lion form. Hunger Games- A bunch of kids in a police state are forced to fight each other to the death by a group of sinister, evil authoritative folks. What? This is like Battle Royale? Um, no, no what on Earth gave you THAT idea? Lord of the Rings- We have in our possession a magical ring. If its owner takes hold of it, we will be looking at an eternity of hell on Middle Earth where we all will be slaves to the Orcs. Clearly this is a delicate operation that requires the most skilled of fighters. I know, let's have two Hobbits walk the entire route and hope to the gods they don't get captured and killed, or otherwise die of sickness or grievous injury in any way! The Winnie the Pooh series- This is a story of a child who plays with his toys so much that he is forever lost from the real world. The toys are alive, and he is among them in a place called Hundred Acre Woods. The Jungle Book- A boy from the jungle must learn the law of the jungle. When he meets a man village, he likes the jungle best and sics his animal friends to pillage and wipe out the man village. This ain't your Disney Mowgli. All Quiet on the Western Front- War sucks. Period. How did this war even happen? Red Badge of Courage- "Hi! I'm Henry Fleming, a newbie in the Union army who is going to fight those darned Johnny Rebs for glory and adventure!" <heated battle ensues> "AAAAIIIEEEE!!!!" <flees like a baby> "I WANT MOMMYYYYYY!!!!" <later> "Wow, I feel so ashamed for running like that. I wanna redeem myself, so I'll go back to my men and hope they don't shoot me for desertion like they did to so many deserters in the actual American Civil War." <wander wander wander> Tra la la la la observing the carnage of war and my place in the world. <wander wander wander> La la la la laaaaaa, finding my manhood and identity, la la la la laaaaaa <finds his regiment and grabs a flag> "THIS IS WHERE I SHOW THEM MY MANLINESS AND HONOR!" Slaughterhouse Five- A guy stuck in a slaughterhouse in the city of Dresden during the Dresden Bombing during World War II has flashbacks and hallucinations of alien abduction. Old Yeller- A beloved dog gets rabies and must be put down before he gives the rabies to the entire rest of the family. To Kill a Mockingbird- A little girl in racist 1950s/60s Alabama learns the meaning of tolerance and peace, and to not judge people because of their physical or mental differences. Oh, and reclusive men are badass ninjas who will jump in to help small children from creepy drunks. The Old Man and the Sea- Here is an old man. He wants to catch a big fish. He so wants to catch that big fish that he's willing to lose his hands and possibly be stranded out in the middle of the ocean to get that big fish. The Grapes of Wrath- Even with a big dust bowl turning about 90% of Midwestern United States into a barren desert, people can still be dicks to those who are less fortunate. Picture of Dorian Grey- You can keep your physical beauty forever, but if you keep being a dick, your beautiful portrait will turn into a grotesque zombie.
I didn't realize this franchise started as a novel. Reading the history of adaptations and remakes makes it sound like Asia's version of Betty la Fea (also: La Fea Más Bella, Ugly Betty, the Devil Wears Prada, and 5 or 6 other iterations from different South and Central American countries.)
It's technically more complicated. Wait till you get to Spiral and the other sequel. They reproduce asexually.
It's technically more complicated. Wait till you get to Spiral and the other sequel. They reproduce asexually.
A Song of Ice and Fire Series: Here is a history lesson about a hundred families. You must learn the complete history of each of the thousands of people in these families. Then they go to war. Now, pick your favorite ones. Those guys die. Oh, and there are snow zombies.
Oh I know that channel - it is the BEST!! Perfume A boy is born who wants to make the best perfume in the world, and everyone knows virgins smell the best when it comes to fragrances. If the scent of rose could be infused into a liquid, then why not a virgin's? Murder rampage ensues and nobody realises he's been wrapping decomposing bodies up and soaking up their juices for amazing perfumes that everybody loves. In fact, they love his perfumes so much that upon getting a whiff of it, the masses, including the executioner, goes off and have wild orgies, thereby allowing our hero to escape his own execution. Except life isn't worth living and all he ever wanted was love, so he throws himself on a bunch of strangers and his insanity-inducing perfume turns perfectly normal people into murderers who tear him apart. The end.
Lord of the Flies A lot of flies swarm around a dead pig's head. Also, some young boys are shipwrecked, so they strip naked and try to kill each other. (They probably also fart, because boys like farting, but I don't remember that being mentioned.) A conch shell gets broken and then the British military shows up to save the day. There might have been some stuff about the Inherent Evil of Man or something, but I wasn't paying much attention in English class, so I can't say for sure. ETA: I don't know what happened to the flies. I hope their Lord took care of them.
Beowulf Man fights a monster, then another monster, then there is an interlude for a coffee break, and then the man fights a dragon. He kills the dragon (oh, he killed those other monsters too) but the dragon also kills him. His death is mourned and commemorated twice because ... I'll get back to you on that one.
Twilight Clumsy, shy girl moves house and moans about her life until she meets a pretty, sparkly vampire. Girl loses her clumsiness, inexplicably attracts the attention of every male ever and bewitches the vampire with her unique stench and her empty-headedness. Roll credits.
