Spider-Woman: Origin Brian Michael Bendis takes an interesting character from her realm of horror fantasy and turns her into a female James Bond with super powers and strips her of anything interesting.
Macbeth Three women with odd dietary habits claim that Macbeth will someday be King. Macbeth murders his way to the top and is a Bad King. Birnam Wood comes to Dunsinane, and Macduff, who seems rather proud of his physique because he describes himself as "untimely ripped," kills Macbeth. There's generally a lot of death and blood that could have been avoided if only those witches had kept their damn mouths shut. ETA: Someday I'm going to write a story with a character named Birnam Wood. It's actually a cool name!
I went to highschool with two brothers, Randy and Rusty Nail. I would have killed my parents for that. The Uplift War, David Brin First thing, before we even start this first book of a series, you have to agree that eugenics is in fact not bad. Ok, sign here.... Thank you, good. Let's continue. Eugenics!!!! We can make anything we want! Yay! Gorillas and Chimps want us to make them into races of sentient beings who can communicate to us the fact that are very aware of their not-quite human status. They love it! Also, look'it!! The whole universe is not only doing the same thing, but the very fabric of universal interspecies cultural relations is based on this as a founding principle. We find your dumb ass on some planet, on the verge of self awareness, and we swipe your whole species up into forced servitude, which is in fact the payment that we are due for having made and moulded your dumb asses into gratifyingly intelligent beings, a thing for which you never asked. Ok, sign here.... Thank you, good. Let's continue. As soon as you have paid off your debt to us, we will promote you (but not let you go quite yet) and maybe even let you go find your own new dumb-asses on some distant planet and you can do the same thing to them that we did with you. How long until your debt is paid off? Well, you guys look like you'll be pretty easy to mould. You already have hand thingies and a noise maker that we'll turn into a proper mouth for speech and, are those wings? Nifty! Bonus. So maybe like 700,000 years? Sound good? No? Too bad, you already signed. Slave handlers!!! Get them on board, we're leaving. Then a trans-galactic war breaks out! Didn't see that coming.
Night of the Twisters - This is what happens when God gets really, really angry at one town in particular Jaws - Many people go into the water. Not so many people come out of the water. Shark in the water. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - Walking to a volcano to destroy a ring which will probably turn your finger green anyway.
Pride and Prejudice It is a truth universally acknowledged that this is a very fashionable novel written by a sex-less spinster who never left her home town. She was a rich woman who never got married. The novel is about rich people wittering endlessly about marriage until it eventually happens. The story is basically this 'I hate him! He's a dick! Oh wait, no he's not'.
I read it when I was 19 I think, and only once. At the time I loved it found the absurd hunour rather amusing and I was fascinated by the fact that I was fascinated by this man, who's supposedly so unlikeable (which he is lol). I thought it was well-written and the ending rather apt. I remember genuinely not knowing how the ending will be because if he got away with it all, that wouldn't be satisfying, and if he was executed, that would be bad too. Somehow I enjoyed it lol. But I would need to read it again to see how I feel about it now What about you?
With me it's a bit different. I'm currently reading it in German (which I'm not good at yet) so it's difficult to read. It's not so easy book. I don't know, I must say I don't like it so much... Not the story, the story is good, I think it could be written better. The humor is good and everything is absurd, which I like. Maybe I could say I don't like his style, I think Patrick as a narrator interfers to much in the story, I think he could be more careful with POVs. That's my opinion, but I could be wrong, I don't understand everything; like I said, it's quite difficult German.
Lol I can't say what the German's like - my ex was German and he loved it (he read it in the original, of course). At the time I thought it was well-written, esp the Genesis thing that comes roughly in the middle. I loved how Suskind played with biblical language there. It's true that the narrator's voice is extremely strong, but that's why I liked it - I was impressed by the fact that though the narrator says one thing, the reader was able to form an entirely different opinion. It's like the unreliable narrator, and I think I kinda saw the narrator as its own character altogether. But yeah, like I said, I really have to reread it to know how I feel about it now!
Every book by Lee Child, ever... I'm Reacher. Jack Reacher. The 007 of America and when something goes wrong, there's only me - yes, me - who can solve this. Everyone wants me on their side, and every official in the law enforcement is suspicious of me because I'm a loner who drinks coffee. Black. No sugar. And this is all very cool because y'know, I'm a lone wolf and all and really a huge commitment-phobe, but that's what makes me hot. Ladies can't resist me; independent, hot-headed, intelligent females reduced to trembling creatures in my arms and of course they're always wrong, because, well, need I spell it out? I. Am. Reacher. And I make my own laws. My own rules. I'm always right, and if you disagree, it's because you're just too dumb. I'm a wannabe hard-boiled wannabe Bond, only American. And all my books are there to essentially make me look very, very cool while I butt heads and shoot people over some criminal activity on all scales and unscrew a running jeep's oil tank with a bent metal spoon. I have sex and then restore justice to all relevant parties before I leave all behind and hitchhike on my merry way.
I'm on page 79 currently, so I can't say about the Genesis part. Maybe I should read some other stories by him to see if that's his style, or if Perfume is the only one written in such manner. Because fuck, I don't know why, but something keeps bothering me, haha. It's actually funny that I don't like his style. I myself want to write like him - a narrator interfering in the story.
INCORRECT Alice in Wonderland: Award winning mathematician writes a satire of emerging non-euclidian theory, disguised as a children's book, based on hallucinations caused by epileptic migraines. People miss the point for over a century. By the way, Queen Victoria enjoyed Alice in Wonderland so much that she wrote Lewis Carroll and asked him to send her his next book the instant it was published. That book was An elementary treatise on determinants : with their application to simultaneous linear equations and algebraical geometry
A Christmas Carol- We have an old man who hates the Christmas holidays. Why? Because he just does, that's why. Oh, and he's a bit of a miserly dick. Let's teach him to be good by scaring the hell out of him with three ghosts and guilt-tripping him by showing him a disabled, starved child that will be dead within the year and shove his mean words back into his face. Yeah, that'll show him. Oliver Twist- An orphaned British child is beaten to hell and back by everyone and their grandmothers in Victorian London. Why? Did he publish a manifesto promising the fall of the rich and wealth and the rise of a new class? Did he publish a racist book saying what he'd do if he ever became the ruler of Britain? Shoot the queen's dog? No? What was his heinous crime, then? Simple. He's poor! But don't worry, he's a boy of pure heart and it's because of this pure heart that he soon inherits his wealthy father's stuff because if you're poor, stuff like that will always happen to you if you remain pure of heart. Great Expectations- "I love living in my own made up world without ever fact-checking it against reality!" Sherlock Holmes- Greatest detective in all of Britain, can't beat Mortimer or survive a long fall. Peter Pan- A book by a creepy author about a creepy kid who lives with a bunch of other creepy kids in a land where they don't grow up. There are pirates who are basically useless and not scary, stereotypical Indians and fairies who can make people fly via pixie dust. Good Lord, what was that man smoking?! Uncle Tom's Cabin- Slavery sucks.
This is true, Alice in Wonderland was saying complex math would make people crazy. Dickens fan are we?
@Lemex - I don't mind him. I've read A Christmas Carol and a bit of Oliver Twist. Treasure Island- A simple tavern boy goes on a naval treasure hunt with seedy people. He befriends who is supposed to be this book's equivalent of Blackbeard sans a leg. Stuff happens, the kid somehow doesn't die even though he'd be considered a 'goody two-shoes' to the pirates. Pirates are beaten, Long John Silver escapes, and the kid has a happy ending. The Fall of the House of Usher- See, this is why you don't let your reclusive friends stay locked up in their house for months on end following the death of their loved ones. The Tell-Tale Heart- The drumming...the drumming...when will it stop? It's here! Here...the drumming...the beating...HIS HIDEOUS HEART!!!! The Invisible Man- A man turns himself invisible, goes insane with power and desperation and proceeds to try and stage a one-man coup against...people in general. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyell and Mr. Hide- Exploring your inner darkness for the lulz can be hazardous to your health.
Strange Case of Dr. Jekyell and Mrs. Hide is a great story. I actually think it's rather underrated, that it's as good as Kafka's Metamorphosis. However reading it again recently has convinced me Dr. Jekyell's tonic is just three cans of Stella.
I should probably stop for a while... The Crucible- A story that is totally not a critique on McCarthyism about another form of terror and show trials taking place in Puritan New England a long ass time ago where a bunch of people were accused of witchcraft. Animal Farm- A story that is totally not a critique on Soviet Russia with talking animals that are totally not a representation of certain groups of people in Soviet Russia. Lord of the Flies- Children are monsters. That is all. 1984- A guy who burns books for a living decides he doesn't want to burn books anymore when he meets a nice old lady and ends up burning corrupted people. Because, y'know, that makes sense. Brave New World- Take drugs to forget the world! Oh, and if you try to change the world, you die. So just submit to everything and don't question anything. The Great Gatsby- It's a story about a guy who just won't get over his crush with a rich asshole girl who is dating/marrying a rich asshole guy. His immature obsession for the past and inability to move on kills him in the end. The Scarlet Letter- A woman and a priest are bound together by a shameful sin and a shameful lie. In short, children, do not commit adultery and then lie about it to your community. It will not end well for you. Othello- A racist parrot named Iago wants to destroy the bond between Othello, a black Moor and his white Venetian princess. A tragedy that could've been avoided had Othello, and other key characters, stopped to think this through. Hope he's having crackers shoved in his mouth every day by an overly happy sultan. Wait, what? Iago the person? Um... <flees> The Tragedy of Julius Caesar- When the glorious general fails a spot check and doesn't think to at least consider the Soothsayer's message and hire a few personal bodyguards to accompany him on the Ides of March. Hamlet- Rather than play court detective, Hamlet mopes, whines, acts insane and generally makes an embarrassment of himself until he dies. Macbeth- A corrupted king apparently isn't aware of the concept that kids can grow up without moms. Seriously, idiot, that's what "beware the man who was born without a mom" meant. His mom died when he was born.
That was the joke. I described 1984 so bad, I didn't even get the basic plot right. I was describing another book entirely.
The Harry Potter series - Go to school, learn magic, and fight the same evil wizard seven years in a row (just in different forms). I think the only reason there wasn't an eighth book is because if you can't graduate from Hogwarts in seven years, you're a moron (or the Weasley twins).
