Everything's already planned out. I already know what's going to happen... all I had a problem with was showing that lifestyle of hers in an interesting way. Which, by the way, I think I'm doing rather well right now. I'm now satisfied with the way I'm doing it. I do "just write", it's just the storyline in bullet point form that I structured into these "steps". The storyline in descriptive text form, on the other hand, is just a few pages of text without that step structure. That's why I said I "roughly" go by that Freytag's Pyramid. It's something that helped me devise the storyline in a way that makes sense. So I'm pretty much back to "breezing along" and having fun. : ) I did have sort of a lil' headache over how to write that first part in a way I am satisfied with... but I'm sure I found it, seeing as how progressing is now easy. Greets, AniGa
Great when it all gets past the block! Keep having fun. Sorry if I misunderstood what you were looking for here. I thought you meant you didn't know what to do next with your story. Good to know it was just a very temporary glitch.
Yep! Just a lil' "How to write this part?" wall, nothing more. And some of the replies here were really helpful. Thanks, everyone! Already beginning to like this community a whole lot. Greets, AniGa
Yeah, yeah, like everyone else. My problem seems to be opposite, though. My writing is very brief, very concise, and like I think I've mentioned here before, I am so afraid of telling that I have very, very little exposition and background. My two readers have said I need more and I agree. So - how do I learn to tell instead of always showing? Strange question, but I feel like I need to do this in order to get a lot of the backstory in. Yes, I'm breaking it up by having characters explain (and not in the "as you know" way) but it's just not enough. In other words, help me be wordy!
I tend to use stationary moments with the character when they're not really doing anything and usually when I want to show time passing. That way I can fit the information into a nice sized paragraph or two and it doesn't have to be a fully fleshed out scene. A good way of hiding the fact that it's not just an infodump or a mass of tell is to make the details important and vivid. I decided to remove a scene and turn it into exposition when I wasn't satisfied with it. I took out the dialogue and made most of the issues with the character internal. An internal dilemma that they were thinking over and remained unresolved. A good way of starting a scene like this is with a link or a trigger. In Dean Kootz's novel Intensity - the mc Chyna is hiding under a bed from a serial killer and starts thinking about her troubled past because of the duel action of hiding under the bed. Creating a link can help you slip in backstory.
Can you post a few paragraphs of your writing as an example? Obviously one of the sections where you feel you need more exposition...
SweetOrbMace, take a look at the Steelheart Sampler (it's free), which has the first five chapters of Brandon Sanderson's Steelheart. Ignore the prologue and start at chapter 1. In the first 8 paragraph's Sanderson mixes the character running through the city with a lot of exposition of the 'tell' kind, which give the background necessary to understand what's going on in the book. It's well done and should serve as an example for you. Edit: Even better, here's an extract of that chapter, so you don't have to download to kindle
Thanks, but my message was for the OP! This is probably more useful to them I was thinking if the OP posted some of their work it would be easier to see how they can improve.
Ops, sorry, I mixed who I should reply to. Saw your name talking about the example and assumed you were to OP
If I'm understanding you correctly, then it's like your characters are talking inside a blank room, yes? Blocking may be your answer. Rather than tagging every line with "John said" and "Mary said", have them interacting with their environment. You'd be amazed at how much you can get across without it feeling infodumpy. Observe: "Well, are we ready?" John said, "Have we got all the supplies?" Mary frowned. "Almost. We've got enough for two weeks' travel, but after that, we're basically dead." "Damn." John thought for a moment. "Gary in the city should be able to help out, he owes me a favour." So we see John and Mary packing to go somewhere, that much is evident. But there's nothing here that really tells us about WHERE we are, or what's around them. Is this something like the problem you're having? If you use blocking properly, you can get a lot of information across, without having to have big infodumpy paragraphs. Compare: "Well, are we ready?" John glanced at the row of low wooden crates. Even in the gloom of the caravan's interior, he could tell it wasn't nearly enough to get them across the Great Plains. "Have we got all the supplies?" Mary frowned and counted the golden meatrats, scurrying about in their cage before she placed it into the caravan. "Almost. We've got enough for two weeks' travel, but after that, we're basically dead." "Damn." John thought for a moment. His eyes traced the stitching of the caravan's canvas roof. A week ago it had been his ship's sail. Since the Drying, he'd not had any use for it. Even still, the deal that Gary had given him had been laughable, and he knew it. "Gary in the city should be able to help out, he owes me a favour." So we can see some more of the world that they live in, just on the brief descriptions of their thoughts and actions between sentences. Compare with this, same words, different actions: "Well, are we ready?" John tapped the inventory display. The cargo drone had been loading for almost an hour. "Have we got all the supplies?" Mary glanced out of the porthole and frowned. "Almost. We've got enough for two weeks' travel, but after that, we're basically dead." "Damn." John thought for a moment. If they couldn't keep all of their passengers fed all the way to Centauri, they'd have to dump the passengers at Midbase and run. They'd never get their licence renewed. Unless... "Gary in the city should be able to help out, he owes me a favour." Two very different scenarios here, but without a big bunch of infodumpy backstory.
No, I actually use blocking, rarely use "said", but that's pretty much the only background I give, because my writing until this point has been so concise (technical writing). The excerpt that Gazzola posted is exactly what I want to learn to do.
I'm really hesitant to post a sample because I'm still at that point where I cringe when I read everything I write. Maybe at some point I'll get there!
Oh, we all do that. Go read an interview with your favourite actor; probably eight times out of ten they'll mention that they don't watch their own shows, because they can't bear to watch themselves on screen. Writing is much the same.
Okay so for context I'm writing a torture scene in which the main character is interrogating a demon. For context this character has been in a coma for nearly three years and a lot has changed since he's been asleep. I'm not asking for critique on plot details or things, but I'm wondering if I need to put this information somewhere else. So I'm going to place this section here and see what ya'll think. “Now tell me again.” “Look… if your working for RedFox chances are they knew you were coming here. If heard rumors that the man named Creed has returned but someone got rid of his records and deleted them. So they can’t identify them. I don’t work for them anymore. I’ve just been selling weapons and drugs with my gang. I’ve been trying to make ends meet. I don’t have a degree or work experience or nothing and your friend Chris essentially fucked up our operation.” “Alright that’s fair. Selling drugs to who?” “Nobody but the street people. So the typical heroin, crack and cocaine. Now our rival gang Black Diamond sells the big stuff, and we thought Chris was working for them.” I broke his fingers. I felt every single one snap like a kit kat under the weight of my fist. He screamed again. “What the fuck was that for.” “For endangering a lot of people in that quest.” I said. “Also I just want to be a dick. Regardless, what kind of weapons are you selling?” “Foreign ones.” He said groaning. “ Eloheimian crystal current guns to be exact. They ship them to us and we sell them on the streets.” “Why?” He laughed. “Have you not seen the news? Tensions are high in between Orion and the other nations. They don’t approve the policies the Furor has been laying out since the end of the Wings of Light. Anyone who speaks of them in a positive manner gets arrested. What’s worse is Eloheimian residents have been put under extreme pressure to immigrate back due to their liberal tendencies when it comes to the three Abrahamic Religions. So we sell weapons to those groups needing protection. For a high price of course.” “Sounds like a Federal tool to me.” “It may be but it’s to get the Furor off our back. If we supply the “terrorists” weapons, then the public will turn on them. Which is what the Furor wants. It’s what Siodon would have wanted too. You humans… so swayed by your own prejudices.” ________________________ Again I don't know if what is being said sounds natural or if it needs to be changed in someway.
I would have to say that this doesn't sound natural to me, no. The character doing the explaining is being tortured, right? He's very eloquent and long-winded for a man in agony. I understand you're not looking for a critique, but I think part of the reason it sounds unnatural is not because it's exposition, but because of the fact that the person doing the explaining doesn't have a distinct voice. It sounds like he's reading from the plot outline. ("Tensions are high", "due to liberal tendencies" and so on are not phrases that sound natural in any dialogue, expository or not.) This reads like that screenwriting trope where the setting and stakes are explained by a news broadcast. Can I ask whereabouts in the plot this takes place? First act? First page?
That's understandable. and I understand that critique is required(i just don't want this being moved to applied writing cause I don't have privileges there yet.) It takes place roughly 70 pages.This group of people who have ties to a secret rebellion just moved in and is trying to investigate a tip that one of their members had on a drug ring, that a dictator is probably tied to. And yeah you hit the nail on the head on the fact I can't give people a distinct voice(Cries). I should post that in in another thread.
There's loads you can do to practice that though! I'm sure you can do it, it just takes practice and targeted effort. Anyway, just my opinion anyway.
Nah it's much appreciated. I've gotten that same sentiment on character voice. I suppose I could look somethings up about that. Maybe make it so his word choice is limited(not necessarily uneducated but more gruff and pissed off)
I agree that it doesn't sound natural. It's not falling-down dreadful, but it doesn't feel natural. I would also nitpick that this isn't about exposition, but about exposition through dialogue.
Like should I cut some of that out and just focus on the drugs and weapons. Like I know we just talked about giving it a voice but I also think that maybe part of the conversation they have should be moved between two different people discussion what this information is. He has a partner that he's going to discuss this information with so perhaps I should leave the explaining to him then?
Yeah, exactly. You've identified a weak point, which isn't necessarily fun, but it is hugely productive. You know what I find helps? Casting an actual actor as the character, just as an exercise. For example, if you're writing a highly educated and compassionate character, you could mentally cast her as Joan Watson from Elementary and imagine how Joan would speak in that scene. Or, for the scene you posted, I couldn't help but imagine Dean Winchester. Anyway, that's just a workaround, not an actual way to address fundamental problems, but it's something to try out if you're eager to just get on with it. Do you enjoy reading theater scripts? Because there are some masters of dialogue who are writing exclusively for the stage, and reading dialogue devoid of all context can be extremely instructive. Stage/screenwriting craft manuals may help too, although I can't recommend any myself.
Yep; there's no need for him to explain anything at all to the man that he's questioning. That could come out in normal non-dialogue exposition, or in discussion with someone else.
