I haven't written in a while. Not that i didn't have anything to write about, it's just that everytime I want to write about my father I immediately start crying. People say that writing about someone who gave you such a heartache is part of the healing process, whatever that means, still I tend to over analyze things just to have an excuse for pain. But I am in pain, my mom's in pain, my brother's in pain, everyone's in pain, cause dad left the house 3 months ago. The funny thing is that you'd think that a 26 year old would act as an adult and not cry about these sorts of things, but when you wake up to a nightmare one morning, something in you bursts. Dad's gone! he may never come back, and now I am in this big house with mom, i hear her cry, I hear her scream, I her her slipping away, and praying to walk up from this dream. 30 years of marrige..man! 30 years! In times like this, Nana used to come to our rescue, but she past away 5 years ago, and the sadness of her not being here in this sad time for my mom makes the whole thing look bigger and scarier. I used to wait for the holidays, all the family is coming, everyone's gathering around a table full of amazing food that my mom prepared. Dad's coming from the synagogue, we all dress in white, and that feeling of togetherness, is just something that a heart can explode from joy. Now, the table is empty, mom lights cadles and prayes more often, the family is falling apart and I can not do anything to stop it. something in me hates my father, but something in me has to understand it and live with it. but it's impossible when you're watching mom cries every night and every day. Oh Father.....you broke our hearts!