I don’t know what game you’re playing, my dear, but I do enjoy the light reflecting from your scales as you coil. Penny Dreadful
Arnold Rimmer (to his own clone). Red Dwarf S1E6 “STOP YOUR FOUL WHINING, YOU FILTHY PIECE OF DISTENDED RECTUM!!”
Some great insults, if only I could remember them when I need 'em! But my favourite is still Churchill's - when told by a woman that he's drunk: "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
As far as I remember this was between some Romanian poets when they were roasting each other: "A lot of heads produce so much in their lifetime, however your head only produced dandruff"
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python
Churchill also had that exchange with the same woman that went "Churchill if you were my husband I would poison your tea" "Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it" Gladstone and Disraeli also had a great exchange Gladstone: You sir, will end upon the gallows, or with a foul disease Disraeli: One supposes that the difference would be whether I were to embrace your morals, sir, or your mistress they also had this one Disraeli : Our foreign policy [in regard of the Suez canal company] is synonymous with honesty Gladstone: One might well believe that to this government, honesty is indeed a foreign policy
I've always liked these two, and yes I have used them: If brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow your nose. and Unfortunately, you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.
It's not that I don't care — I do, because when you start talking my brain cells suffer a slow and agonising death.
From red dwarf originally "We all have something we can bring to this discussion, what you should bring is silence."
My favorite insults are just odd and don’t make normal sense. The best I’ve ever heard was “ninja lips.”
I used to commute to work by commuter rail, and drove to the station arriving about five minutes early every day. One day someone in a big pickup truck rode my ass for the last half mile to the station, I parked and got out just as nimrod got out of his truck. He looked at me and called me a moron. I calmly replied "I'm a moron? I'm not the one who thought he was late for the train." I waited on the platform, talking to some of the other regulars, and he just stood and glared at me. This should belong on the confessions thread, but I sometimes revel in passive aggressive behavior.