Favorite Insults

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by EFMingo, Oct 25, 2019.

  1. DriedPen

    DriedPen Member

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    She's so ugly, it look liked someone started a fire on her forehead and beat it out with an axe.
     
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  2. Malum

    Malum Offline

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    Recently discovered my current favourite insult through British grime lyrics.

    Speng - 'An idiot, dumbass fool etc.'

    "You're such a speng."
     
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  3. DriedPen

    DriedPen Member

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    Sometimes people will drone on and on about their children, which normally is is fine in small doses because I had (5) myself, so I will often quip, "I love children too, slice them thin and dip them in mint jelly and they taste just like lamb."

    It is tongue in cheek hyperbole of course, but gets some funny reactions!
     
  4. OurJud

    OurJud Contributor Contributor

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    “STOP YOUR FOUL WHINING, YOU FILTHY PIECE OF DISTENDED RECTUM!”

    ~ Arnold J Rimmer, Red Dwarf.
     
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  5. Earp

    Earp Not Sorry Contributor

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    It's like she overdosed on phenobarbiedoll.

    - anon.
     
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  6. ThunderAngel

    ThunderAngel Contributor Contributor

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    "A shiver ran along the benches: looking for a spine to run up!"

    An insult made by a Scottish man in a documentary regarding the "Stone of Destiny".
     
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  7. TheEndOfMrsY

    TheEndOfMrsY Active Member

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    I once heard someone refer to someone else as a "Dry lunch"
    When I asked why that? He said, "can you think of anything worse."

    I've used it since.
     
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  8. Vanna Heller

    Vanna Heller Member

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    "I'm sorry, I don't speak dumbass"

    "I'm not a mirror. Whoops! I forgot you broke yours by looking at it"
     
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  9. EFMingo

    EFMingo A Modern Dinosaur Staff Supporter Contributor

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    That first one is right in line with sneezing after someone says something and then saying "sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." Courtesy of Will Smith's writers from I, Robot. I still laugh at it even thoughi know it's coming.
     
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  10. Vanna Heller

    Vanna Heller Member

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    Yes I watch the movie just for that part
     
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  11. HulkingElf

    HulkingElf Member

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    ill come back and post as i remember them lmao but heres one i used in a dnd game a smart character to a character or npc that said something stupid.

    "Ah sounds like your world is flat too."
     
  12. Vanna Heller

    Vanna Heller Member

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    From one of my favorite movies Fried Green Tomatoes:
    "You gump-face, blown-up, baboon-assed bastard!"
     
  13. Greg147

    Greg147 New Member

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    "Are you a professional idiot, or just a gifted amateur?"

    Is a useful one for daily use :D That, and...

    "Ah great, who put 50p in the dickhead?"
     
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  14. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    "My hair is receding."
    "It's not receding, it's in full f**king retreat."
     
  15. Selbbin

    Selbbin The Moderating Cat Staff Contributor

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    You're not useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
     
  16. Seven Crowns

    Seven Crowns Contributor Contributor

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    Somewhat related, not really, but I found this stupidly funny.

    [​IMG]
     
  17. hirundine

    hirundine Contributor Contributor

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    My mum once asked me if her raincoat made her look fat...

    Me: Pass.
    Mum: That bad?
    Me: You look like a leopard skin potato.
     
  18. JLT

    JLT Contributor Contributor

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    A great one from the great Dorothy Parker. In her role as Constant Reader, a reviewer for a magazine whose name I can't recall, she gave two great short reviews:

    "This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be hurled with great force."

    On a children's book that she found excessively cloying: "Tonstant Weader frowed up."
     
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  19. JLT

    JLT Contributor Contributor

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    No, but it was Groucho who said "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."
     
  20. JLT

    JLT Contributor Contributor

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    And a couple of my favorites, gleaned from God knows where:

    "He don't have the class of a one-room schoolhouse."

    "It looked like she fell out of a ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down."
     
  21. Selbbin

    Selbbin The Moderating Cat Staff Contributor

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    I thought that was a line from Groucho Marx while also attributed to Dorothy Parker, but apparently it was coined by Sid Ziff of the LA Mirror News as late as 1960 and then incorrectly attributed to Dorothy Parker (maybe confused with earlier quotes about books worth being thrown at cats or out windows, see below) in a 1962 quote book by Bennett Cerf. In 1975 it was then shifted to Marx by columnist Earl Wilson.

    A real quote from Parker would be: "I’m much better now, in fact, than I was when we started. I wish you could have heard that pretty crash “Beauty and the Beast” made when, with one sweeping, liquid gesture, I tossed it out of my twelfth-story window."

    And: "The best book to throw at a cat — “Smithsonian Physical Tables,” be sure you get the eighth revised edition."
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2021
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  22. JLT

    JLT Contributor Contributor

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    Thanks for the correction. Let us raise a glass to Sid Ziff the next time we encounter a book that should be hurled with great force. (The last one I met up with was one of Ann Coulter's screeds.)

    Which reminds me: At a Friends of the Library book sale, I saw an Ann Coulter book shelved right next to a Molly Ivins book. I'm surprised they didn't spontaneously combust.
     
  23. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Uncle! Supporter Contributor

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    I used to keep my copy of Industrial Society and Its Future next to The Turner Diaries. Not exactly opposed, but definitely non-coplanar.
     
  24. JLT

    JLT Contributor Contributor

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    Mark Twain was a master of the insult. Of one person, he said "I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a very nice letter to the family saying that I approved of it."
     
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  25. MartinM

    MartinM Member

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    Double edged Insults at best... [Strong Language]

    Wife came home in a flood of tears. Her boss had ripped her a new one. She, totally broken and down beat says to me...

    “I feel totally worthless. Please tell me something I’m good at?”

    “Well dearest, you’re a better fcuk than your sister!” I replied instantly.

    Although my answer was honest and true, it didn’t quite have the uplifting reaction I was expecting. It did indeed cost me a new Coach Handbag, and a couple of nights on the sofa with the dog.

    After some contemplation I realised the error of my ways. Needing to win her back and give her the opportunity of lifting her ego, I gave her the perfect platform to strike back.

    “My dearest wife, I’m so sorry for making you more miserable than you already were. Please don’t hold back, tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time…?”

    She hums and arghs, grins pursing lips touching them with her index finger.

    “Well dearest Husband, I’m not sure I should say…” she giggled

    “No-no dear Wife you deserve your revenge for my insult. I can take anything you have to say...”

    “Well dear Husband, you do have the largest cock of all your mates…” she replied.
     

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