Favorite quote from your main character

Still want it gone...

 

The reason that's not allowed is because it disrupts thread continuity. Someone reading this afterwards would wonder what we were all objecting to.

Don't get the wrong impression, it's not as terrible as I think you think we're saying (there was too much think in that sentence). And it's not like we haven't all written stuff that's far worse at some point in our lives. (If I had the notebook to hand I would share the passage of my first attempt at a novel where the protagonist starts rambling about how we need a new word to describe eating honey since one doesn't actually pick it up and put it in one's mouth. And let's not even get started on all the fanfiction I posted when I was fourteen and deleted two years later.) We're not all laughing behind our hands, don't worry. It's just a bit generic, is all.

My advice to improve it would be to back up the "specific details" point. How are they going to take away everything the addressee loves? I conclude this pointless piece of waffle with a similar quotation from The Legend of Korra, the second greatest show in the world. As it's from the final battle, SPOILERS.

Spoiler

You're right. I'm not gonna physically hurt you if you don't talk. But there is something I could do that will be even more painful. I will take away the one thing you care for the most...Kuvira. [His fiancée.] Kuvira might win. She might chase us out of the city. But you won't be around to enjoy the victory. Because wherever I run, I'll take you. I am going to make it my life's mission to never let you see the one you love again. Is taking the city worth losing Kuvira forever?

 

There's no bad writing, only bad editing.

 

You can request deletion from a mod if you really want to but this seems fine to me. Just needs finessing.

 

Never ever delete anything you wrote! don't learn this the hard way, like I did!

 

well, dang...'cause I certainly deleted that entire piece of dialogue on my own script document

 

Aaagh! Get it baaaack!

 

Hi CV,

Like the others I'll say it's not particularly bad. It's just a little bit long. And it could be more edgy. Remember you're trying to get across an image of a man filled with hatred / anger. Speak as someone like that speaks. Short, hard sentences. Maybe clipped in places. Maybe some swears, commands, facial expressions etc. And of course no conditionals, no uncertainties. If you hate someone you tell them you're going to kill them. You don't say you might. Show the anger. Eg this is how I might write it, though there's probably many other, better ways:

"I'm gonna tell you something. And you're going to hear me. I'm not going to kill you. I’m going to take away everything you love, everyone you care about. Then when you've got nothing and no one left, when you come crawling back to me, begging me for death? Maybe, just maybe, I’ll kill you. Or, maybe I'll just bury you alive. See how you like it!" He spat the last at Fred, his face screwed up with rage.

Hope that helps.

Cheers, Greg.

 

Then what's editing? If he wants that piece of dialogue gone, let him blitz it and replace it with something he likes more.

It's my personal belief that there is no "never" or "must" in writing. Everyone has things - and I'm talking about both writing styles and habits here - that work for them and things that don't, and for someone else, it'll be completely different.

 

I call it like I see it. Editing, is what's next.
Writing is first. Finish the thought, the paragraph, the chapter, whatever. If something's broken, mark it, make notes next to it, and move on. Til it's time. Give it some space, then go edit. Try it!
Or just do whatever you want...

 

Sigh, I hate myself sometimes.

Max looked at Mez. "Can you recruit the Stoners,"
"Stoners?"
"Yeah, the Stone City Dwellers,"
"Oh! okay,"

 

Uh, "adorned a look of confusion"? I'd put up some orange cones around that and hire a prose repair crew to deal with it.

 

Well, I just wrote it quickly for this post, also "Adorned a look of confusion" Is something I added for the post, it's not in the story. Plus it's not really something I plan to use. LOL. Just found it funny.

BTW, how is Washington.

 

JW and I have got this under control in KOA, but he's off the chain on this one!

 

It's what happens when I write a post quickly, resort to default mechanics. . If you check the GDoc, you'll see it's not even in the story. . LOL. But yeah, we've been working on getting the kinks out.

 

You bet your ass I'll check

 

An exchange between one of my heroes and the antagonist, after the antag got called out for all the collateral damage the group he leads has caused:

"Have you ever made sausage, Augur? This is no different. A disgusting process, but the results are worth it."

Behind her smiling mask, Augur glared. "Human lives aren't meat for you to grind up and stuff in a casing."

 

Can we get some sausage up in here! i'm hungry. Beef, Pork, Human, all good...

 

Heh... Heh... Heh...

 

Edit don't delete.

 

Speaking of sausage, How're the zombies?

 

I dunno ask Hel', he seems to enjoy them alot.

 

Hel'shiro the sausage maker. Is that his retirement job?