Favorite quote from your main character

More of a part of a conversation between two characters, but still makes me laugh when I read it aloud.

“By all that is green and good, what is that smell?”

“Chlorine.” I don’t remember how or where I even learned the word, much less what it means. “For cleaning water.

He scoffs and follows me deeper into the wood, footsteps nearly flush with my own.

“What do humans do in water that they need to clean it?”

 

This is in the middle of a ship's mutiny that has gone wrong. A crewman by the name of Feliciano the Joyful has been injured by a grenade, and he's losing it. The MC grabs him and says this:
"By all the gods, get it together!", he said, and he slapped him with a tremendous backhand. "Now you're Feliciano One-Eye; accept it and haul ass!".

 

"Open or closed?"

"What?"

"Do you want an open or a closed casket? Or maybe I'll make you into a cenotaph kind of guy. We'll see."

Full disclosure: I don't have a main character for this quote nor a story, but I'll make one. I need to make one.

 

"Of course it's a stupid idea. The moon's an idiot. You'd never get any sense out of him."

 

This would make an excellent writing prompt.

 

"He better not have killed himself to come back as a ghost just so he could prove they're real. Psychopomps hate being given work for stupid reasons."
A new character in working on discussing a recent death of a cultist.

 

Michael: If you ever tell anyone where you were, I'll turn you into a frog.
Brynjar: I think I'd quite like to be a frog.
Michael: And feed you to the nearest available heron.
...
Brynjar: Okay. I won't tell anyone.

 

Here is one from a secondary elderly character in my WIP,
when Delainey meets Lyselic.

“Hello sir. I’m Delainey.” She offered her hand to him.

He leaned in and studied her outstretched appendage. With his bushy brow furrowed. He turned it over and over, pondering it.

“Yes, yes, I see...I think I’ll stick with the pair I have, thanks.” He chuckled up at her.

“Fair enough.” Delainey withdrew her hand, bashfully matching his odd humor.

 

- As I said: "My talent is to find the right person for the job and motivate him." I needed you for this job ... she is your motivation. Without you, I would not have done it alone.

- Does this justify you? Do you think you're better than Patrick or Henrik?

- It is your entire fault? If you had done your job properly from the very beginning, I would not have had to go so far.

- Are you going to kill us now?

- Of course not. I told the guard that you wanted a thrill to improve your sex life. They will let you out in the morning. Then I will be far away from here. On that note, I say goodbye to you. I hope we will never meet again.

Kurt closed the container door left us locked inside. I ran to the door hoping to push it away before Kurt closed the door mechanism. But I could not get there in time.

- Remember Jim in this city no person is innocent, everyone guilty of something.
It was the last thing Kurt told me.

 

‘Morning,’ said Mrs Codgins; the old woman had appeared at the doorway unsteadily ferrying the cups and a teapot towards the coffee table.

Jack, ever the gentleman, stood up. ‘Oh, let me help you with those.’

‘Ooh, isn’t he just wonderful, your brother?’ she said, hanging on to his arm and then coughing in his face. She let out a long meandering fart. It all seemed to happen at once. The old woman smiled a lingering embarrassed smile to Jack.

Jack looked back at Rose and raised an eyebrow at her, clearly unconvinced by her claims about the old woman. He mouthed silently to her, ‘Elves don’t fart!’


Edit: Forgive me John Ronald Reuel...

 

It was around twilight that it happened. A figure of light appeared, towering over the horizon. The figure was composed out of coruscating energies of orange and red, and it depicted a girl of 15 years of age, her arms crossed, brow furrowed in rage, her teeth bared. The column stopped, tanks rumbling to a halt and infantry raising their eyes to meet this unknown phenomenon.

"You!" she said, pointing downwards, the giantess extending a hand in condemnation. "Liars, thieves! Murderers! You stole these people's lives. You stole their land. You stole their dignity. And you have driven them out from their homes! and now, at long last, you wish to deprive them of their lives?" She glared at them for a moment, before folding her arms.

"You who show no mercy. You shall be granted none."

Then the killing began.

 

These "quotes" are turning into excerpts. Short, and sweet where warranted, if you please.

 

"I am worked to the bone to enable your decadence. You have one minute to come join your father for dinner before I forcibly recycle that fucking android. God help us all when sexbot retention traces the signal to our cabin."

 

Sam: You got in a fight with some giant bees.
Brynjar: Did I win?

 

Michael: We already had this conversation.
Brynjar: Oh... Did I apologise?
Michael: Yes, you did.
Brynjar: Okay.

 

Eae: "You allowed me to bind you to my service?"
Alucard: "Please, I've been consuming hearts since the fifteenth century. Do you honestly think a little angel and her silver bands could hold me? I can take these off whenever I want."
Eae: "Then why do you still wear them?"
Alucard: "You amuse me. And you'd be ripped to pieces by dawn once Dracula finds out I'm not around, but mostly because you amuse me."

Eae to Alucard upon finding out that Eae does not actually does not control her.

 

Are more than one quote allowed in one post? I hope so, because here I go!

From my rewrite project:
Zhuque (during the final battle): I yield. I can’t do it. Because... I love you!

From another story:
Steven (upon discovering the secret Thomas has kept from him): I let you live this time, because I once loved you. But make no mistake, vampire, the next time I see you, I will kill you!

From a third story (by the two main characters):
Aaron: I’ll never submit to you, damn mongrel!
Wolfram: Oh? I’m going to enjoy making you eat those words!

From my rewrite project again, not a main character, but it’s too funny to leave out:
Tasuki: Magpie? Magpie?! Okay, call me that one more time, I dare ya!!

 

From current WIP Chapter 9:

“Hey.” Quilani beamed back. “Is your neighbor looking at me through the blinds?” She spoke through her gritted smile.

 

To set this up, the retort is from a character who has a heart condition and nerve damage in one leg. She parks in a handicapped space, and is greeted with a shout of:

‘You don’t look real handicapped to me.’

‘That’s why I rely on doctors for my healthcare, and not random old bats in grocery store parking lots.’


(I use the line too.)

 

Another nugget from my greedy wisecracking phoenix cockerel:

Tasuki: Aw, look at the cute love birds! Anyone got a bucket? I think I’m about to throw up!

 

“The world’s a big and broken place, filled with odd corners.”

 

“Only last week, a Zaporese hetman bought a stone and has suffered neither death nor lethal harm! Why, should such misfortune befall you, merely return the stone and I offer a full refund!”

 

"Way I see it, there are two groups of people working under this syndicate: the bullets, loud and expendable and the daggers, silent and reusable. So, which one could you be? You don't strike me as a bullet though", he said in disdain and took a sip from his glass.

Spoiler: Original in between

Her reaction came with an effortless laugh, mellow and sweet, suggesting any shots directed at her were so off they served only as entertainers. She placed the long filter between her thin lips and inhaled a long draw of smoke, pausing this moment, reattaching her eyes back to his. Although her old age, her mannerisms, her expression made it look as if she were a cheeky, young girl flirting with a stranger. She leaned forward and with her elbow on the table she rested her jaw on her palm. Her big, smiling eyes reduced to two sharp slits that could smoothen any rough edges they came across were delightfully focused on him. She slowly exhaled the smoke through her teeth. It was her turn now.

"Oh honey, you got it all wrong. I'm not in any group, I don't work "under". Furthermore, if I were to strike you, even as a velvet glove, you'd never see the light of day again. You see, I'm the handler."

 

When a bunch of goons surround him, Hasan Bey says to Kahveci Ömer:
"Have some coffee ready, I need some after slight exercise".