Hey guys, I was hoping you could offer some feedback as to your immediate impression of my antagonist. This is the sentence I've used to introduce him for the first time: "Talnor's demeanour betrayed his appearance. His calm presence seemed unwelcome in his worn, scarred body, and his soft tone sounded foreign slipping from behind his jagged teeth." Any feedback is greatly appreciated. I'm aiming for a very specific impact from this character, and I'm intrigued to gauge the reaction of the audience. Many thanks in advance!
Although short, this is still writing posted for critique. It does not belong here. In any case, characters are built upon ovber the course of a story. A first impression is only the foundation. Don't try to show the entire castel in the first block of stone.
