First sentence challenge

We're always being told that the first sentence has to hook the reader/agent/publisher, so the challenge here is to write the first sentence of an imaginary novel, one which would intrigue the reader and make them want to read on.

Example:

Being buried alive is bad enough, but what's even worse is realising you're not alone in the coffin when you feel something crawling up your leg.

 

This could be a good thread

my first sentence:

chapter 1

 

Paul always felt he was different, but only now did he realize just how vastly different he really was.

 

Eight hundred and thirty-seven tons of mackerel is a lot of fish, especially when it's coming straight towards you at nearly two hundred miles per hour.

 

^ Holy Mackerel!

Eighteen months have passed since I was murdered, and I'm living larger than God in a land of ocean sunsets and Tequila Sunrises.

 

As clichè as it sounds, it actually was a dark and stormy night.

 

We did an entire lecture at Uni based on that introduction!

Here's mine:

There is something quite remarkable about a secret.

 

I truly was gonna lose it if that door chime didn't stop, but the man passing through made me forget it instantly.

 

The screech of a three year old cut through the peaceful air.

and

I never realized how hairy my knuckles were, until it was brought up during sex.

 

It's amazing how such a small action, just three simple words, could lead to the greatest shitstorm I've ever seen.

 

"This flounder tastes funny; no wait, that's my foot."

 

At heart, Devlin was a good man, but he tended to ignore his heart in favor of other organs.

 

Take it from a guy who survived gutshot: war ain't pretty.

 

Put enough of them in one bar and they think they own the place like God owns the universe.

 

It was when my penis started talking to me that I really began to worry.

 

It wasn't his bad pick up line that made me kick him in the balls, it was the strawberry daiquiri he ordered - for himself.

 

"Hi, I'm John and I'm pleased to meet you!" is an example of something I'd perhaps say to you if I was alive.

 

"Fourteen broken fingers", was the first thing I heard from the doctor when I woke up.

 

Hahaha man that cracked me up, I want more. Half these first sentences are friggen hilarious.

And strawberry daiquiris are delicious... Poor guy... I'd keep reading to make sure he's O.K.

 

The doctor busted up laughing while he told me I was in the final stages of kidney failure.

As her house collapsed in on itself from the fire, Janice realized she had also forgotten to fill in section eight on her tax form - the same tax form she had mailed just an hour ago.

 

I wish the trees would stop following me.

 

I knew my vacation was ruined when I came face to face with that large Bengal Tiger while I was taking a dump in the bush.

 

What if your first sentence is a mentally thought expression in the form of run-on words?
'cause mine is:

Sonofab*tch.

 

Of all the days to lose my shirt - it would be the one day I decided not to wear a bra.

 

He could either stab the bastard in the face, make a run for it, or use puppy dog eyes.