Flirting

Agreed. It is a human trait that is natural and engaging otherwise we will all come across as boring and disengaging.

 

'Aheh, heh hello Tits, fancy a peanut? Heh heh...' BANTER

'You fucking smell lovely babe, you wearing aftershave?' BED BRAIN

 

I have to say my temptation would be to smack either of these guys in the mouth. That said, if the second guy is asking me if I wear aftershave, I think it's safe to assume that he's pissed.

 

I agree with this. I don't flirt with men, but I will flirt with women. The idea of something sexual coming out of a flirt with a woman is so bizarre to me that my mind doesn't even go in that direction. The flirt remains cerebral. My husband flirts with women all the time. He's a fitness instructor and is constantly surrounded by women, many of whom look upon him with very large, sparkly anime eyes. It's fun to watch him flirt. It's part of the territory, of his persona when he's giving class.

Flirting with another guy is a very different thing. The road to bedding a man - in my experience - is one that is rather free of obstacles, and the path either does or doesn't lead you to his bedroom door. If it does, then a flirt is like taking an exit off the highway for which there is no onramp to get back on again without having to trapes through town until you find the next one. Better to just keep your eyes on the road ahead and move along.

 

Normally flirting is with the opposite sex unless one is attracted to the same sex.
So the idea of flirting is to appear somehow appealing to the one we are talking with. It is a natural process there is not cheating behind it.

 

Oh, those poor bisexual souls. (That's meant to be read in Ursula's voice from The Little Mermaid)

I tend to flirt with anyone who seems like they'll be receptive. If someone's having a rough day, then the subtle reminder that they're an attractive human being can brighten their day. Sometimes (like with my boss' mum) they just find it hilarious. And sometimes, just sometimes, if I'm flirting with someone at a shop I'll get an unexpected bonus. Like an extra croissant at the bakery with a winky face drawn on the bag or like the one time I was getting a new bag from the camera shop the gentleman at the counter gave me his employee discount on it.

 

Well, for the sake of argument, let's assume that I've lived a different life than you have, which would seem the most natural conclusion for any two, distinct, insular human paradigms to reach. Let's also assume, for the sake of argument, that flirting is not a phenomenon that is restricted to only those who are plausible sexual partners, but instead something that can happen between any two humans, especially when those who are plausible sexual partners fall outside the expected range of culturally sanctioned sexual partners, thus creating - at the very least - two large circles in the Venn diagram that broadly overlap one another.

As a gay man I was culturally trained to the idea of flirting with women, yet my inner drive is to flirt with men; thus, both are perfectly acceptable objects of a flirt, and I most certainly have been the object of the occasional flirt from str8 guys for varying reasons. Therein lies the difference - it would seem - between our two points of view. And again, flirting with a woman is, for me, necessarily a chaste endeavor. It has a well-defined envelope that never includes the idea of sex. When another man is involved, it's not so cut and dry.

Again, in my own experience, which is the only experience upon which I can comment - the answer to “is flirting going to lead to boning” was always a pretty simple, direct answer when it came to men. The answer absolutely can be and often was NO, but when it was yes and there was a green light, it was a green light. Every guy I’ve gone to bed with, I knew within the first 15 minutes of knowing that person that I had a green light. Whether it was just a fuck or a prelude to something more serious varied widely, but whether or not I was going to get my hands in his pants, and his in mine, I knew right away. This is why M/M “slow-burn” stories are deal-breakers for me. In my experience, it’s not realist at all. And not only is it not realistic, it’s a fantasy element that answers to a desire I don’t possess. I don’t want to chase a bunny through the 100k Word Forest because in the real world, that bunny is giving a red light, which is a no.

If you read one of my stories and two guys are clearly flirting with one another, you can bet your bippy that sex is going to happen in under 10 pages. The story arcs for my fellahs often become intertwined because they crossed and became entangled at the intersection of sweaty sheets.

So I don’t flirt with guys I have no intentions of boning because - as a guy - that’s giving the other guy a green light.

• If I’ve already gotten a red light from him, constantly giving him a green light feels aggressive and unwarranted. That’s not a good look. I’m not chasing that bunny because that bunny doesn't want to be chased. Simples.

• If I’ve gotten a green light from him, and my light is red, pretending that my light is green is taking the piss.

• If I’ve gotten a green light, and my situation is one where I am not free to give a green light - like already having a husband - then giving a green light, in my opinion, is crossing into dangerous territory where my intentions are no longer honorable in any direction. That’s cheating, in my opinion, when the other side is a valid object of sexual engagement because all the boxes are ticked (correct gender, mutual attraction, etc.)

Let me add that I am not saying that it’s always either a red light or a green light between two guys. We’re specifically talking about flirting here. Specifically. When none of this is even in play, neither party even thinking along those lines, then the traffic signal is unlit.

 

I only consider it cheating if one of the parties considers it cheating.

I also don't flirt and I don't really want to. I don't know if I'd be particularly happy if my partner was flirting, though.

 

I think it is. If I have a partner, I won't flirt with other women. I would consider that to be emotional cheating.

In my view, if you want to flirt and you have a partner, then flirt with your partner. Never stop flirting with them. Some people seem to have the view that once you've won your partner, you can stop trying to win them. I take the opposite view. Never stop winning them. Even if you've married her, flirt with her, mercilessly!

However I should point out that would still spend time with female friends, laugh and joke around with them. Not flirting doesn't equate to being rude. I wouldn't freeze all other females out of my life.

 

Every time that scene comes on and Ursula is singing, I'm like: "Gurl, she is singing you a whole-ass song, complete with eel backup singers and choreographed dancing victims about how she's going to eff you over. How you gonna' sign???"

 

Thank god her ability to write things didn't follow her to dry land or that movie would have been over way too quickly.