After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a from, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document the repairs on the form, and the pilots review the “gripe sheet,” before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (represented by a P), and the solutions recorded (represented by an S), by maintenance engineers. These are all real! Enjoy! Spoiler P: Left inside tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Auto-pilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to a more believable level. P: Friction lock cause throttle levers to stick. S: That’s what the friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you’re right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat Installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. P.S. I have a funny little article that makes fun of George W. Bush. Is there anyone here that would be particularly offended if I posted something like this? Just say if you want me to PM it to you.