Grammar AND style question re: tense.

Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by TDFuhringer, Jun 15, 2015.

  1. The Mad Regent

    The Mad Regent Senior Member

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    There is a line between correct grammar and punctuation and the readers stupidity.

    The sentence should convey the message as accurately as possible, but it'll never be perfectly specific in one short sentence. It's about providing your read enough context to understand what has happened without force feeding them every detail.

    Sentence three is all you require, and you could even write it as, she laughed and jumped onto the bed -- pillows flew everywhere, if you so wished.
    There are lots of ways to write the same sentence, and they're all correct, but it depends how you want to convey it to your reader.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2015
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  2. TDFuhringer

    TDFuhringer Contributor Contributor

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    My goal is to make the story as easy to read as possible. To make the words flow so smoothly, the reader forgets they are reading and stays immersed in the narrative. Avoiding confusion and steering clear of flowery language (a.k.a. purple prose) is of primary concern.
     
  3. The Mad Regent

    The Mad Regent Senior Member

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    Flowery language? :rolleyes:
     
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  4. TDFuhringer

    TDFuhringer Contributor Contributor

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    The vapid girl tittered langorously, leaped in a rainbow arc onto the duvet-covered foursquare bed, sending down-filled pillows flailing into the hot afternoon air like clouds escaping an explosive blast.
     
  5. The Mad Regent

    The Mad Regent Senior Member

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    Ah, I see. :p

    There is nothing wrong with using metaphoric descriptions, as long as it's not forced. In fact, most contemporary literature (if you can call it that) is dry and bland because it just tells you what's happening and fills in every detail without any emphasis. I much prefer to derive my own conclusions from, and interpret text in various ways. It's so much more gratifying than just being told what's happened and why.

    :superagree:
     
  6. Solar

    Solar Banned Contributor

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    Or

    The pillows turned into marshmallows as she floated to bed.
    She woke up the next morning with duckdown in her mouth and
    a silhouette of a liberty cap etched into her mind.

    Or

    She hopped into bed and had sex with the pillows. That's what ten years
    of solitary confinement does to you.
     

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