1. HappySheep

    HappySheep New Member

    Jan 29, 2018
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    Happy Sheep, Happy Life

    Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by HappySheep, Jan 29, 2018.

    Hey everyone :) Came here to get critique on my writing. Looking for any feedback on my writing. Here's my first piece:

    Sheppard Stories
    In this fairy tale, there are sheep that have magic powers that people have used for centuries to aid them along their journeys. Sheep have helped people explore new lands, build cities, and even conduct war; this is why the status of a Sheppard is one of the most noble and honorable titles a person can receive. Every little boy and girl dreams of growing up to be a Sheppard, but becoming a Sheppard is a dangerous path that can lead to serious injury or even death.

    Chapter One - First steps:
    "Hurry up! Let's go! You're going to be late. If I don't see you in this kitchen right now I'm going to beat you with this ladle!" Alexia's anxious voice echoed down the hallway.
    Emit rubbed his eyes and peeled the warm blankets off of him. The thick smell of spices and cooked garlic seeped into his room and made his stomach growl. He waddled down the hallway and scratched his head, "So, what did you cook for me today, huh Sis?"
    "You disrespectful-arrogant little boy!" Alexia waved her ladle high in the air and shook it in the direction of Emit.
    Emit sat down at the table and laughed, "Relax, sis. I was just messing around with ya. No need for you to get all hot-headed."
    "Eat your food and get ready, quickly! Sheppard Gower doesn't like it when people are late!" Alexia snapped.
    Emit's eyes popped open as he choked on his soup. "Sheppard Gower!? Oh, yeah. I forgot I was supposed to go see him today." Alexia scowled and rolled her eyes at him. Emit finished his breakfast and went back into his room to change. Before he headed out he held a picture of his father in his hands and stared deeply into it. "I won't let you down, dad. I'm going to be the best Sheppard there has ever been. Just like you..." He put the picture back onto his stand, picked up his crook, and ran out the door.
    As Emit approached Sheppard Gower's farm he could hear the loud-thunderous laugh in the distance, "Running late just like your father, Master Emit!" Sheppard Gower's deep and hollow voice echoed throughout the lands. "Come on, boy! We have a lot of work to do today. Can't have you panting and out-of-breath already.
    Emit struggled to respond and lifted up his crook, "I'm ready to do whatever it takes to be as good as a Sheppard as my father!"
    The loud-thunderous laugh of Sheppard Gower echoed over the lands again, "Don't get to far ahead of yourself, Master Emit. Your father was a great man, but he too started off ranching sheep. Now, why don't you go pick up that empty bucket over there and follow me to the stream to fetch some water for us and the sheep."
    "Awe, man. Chores. That's not what I was expecting when I got here," Emit pouted with his shoulders shrugged as he walked towards the bucket.
    "Hi, Emit!" a faint high-pitched voice yelled from a nearby barn.
    "Oh! Hey, Moira. It's great to see you," Emit fully extended his arm out and shook it back in forth and smiled at her. He laughed under his breath and admired her.
    "Moira, why don't you come along with us while we fetch some water. We could use the extra hands." said Shepard Gower.
    "Okay! I'll be right there as soon as I'm done feeding Baby-Bandit." echoed Moira.

    Will continue to write more, and will post in appropriate section when I have permissions :) thank you!

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