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  1. Madman

    Madman Life is Sacred Contributor

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    Has anyone been trying dating apps? :)

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Madman, Nov 30, 2020.

    Been on various dating apps for around three years now. Gotten something like six dates in those years and many matches. But no relationship.

    The dates have all been very nice and friendly, but that's as far as it goes. I often feel like I am the one taking the initiative and doing all the work, being the first to say hello, setting up the date, etc. I sometimes feel like I have to pry out a conversation.

    I'm not that ugly, but I do lack a stable life, so that may be a reason a lot of people are turned away. Otherwise I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.

    Now during the pandemic, there really isn't much of an alternative if you want to meet new people, all activities have been cancelled.

    Will share an experience. I was going to meet a person at a certain address when the police showed up and searched me. Apparently, the person behind the (fake) account had set me up outside this address and sent threatening messages to someone inside, that I had been sent there to do something. Really messed up, so be careful when you're app dating! Worst thing is, that my gut screamed scam all the way to the meeting, should have listened to myself. But the police was very nice and understanding.
    Now I'm only meeting people in public during the day. ;)

    What are your experiences with dating apps? Does it work? Waste of time? Security risk if you're a dummy like me? Is it viable if you're looking for a long-term relationship?
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2020
  2. Naomasa298

    Naomasa298 HP: 10/190 Status: Confused Contributor

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    I tried to date my app, but it turned me down.
     
  3. Madman

    Madman Life is Sacred Contributor

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    You win, I changed the title now!
    Edit: It's wrong no matter how I change it! :D
     
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  4. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    I tried a few after I got divorced, but they were a waste of time.
    Once I gave up on finding someone, and focusing on my own
    life, then I met someone. Kinda bit backwards, but that was
    what seemed to work in terms of the advice I got. :)

    I wonder if traditional meeting and courtships still exists
    outside of dating apps and sites?
    :superthink:
     
  5. Madman

    Madman Life is Sacred Contributor

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    I have received the same advice. May try it once my patience runs out.
     
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  6. Malum

    Malum Offline

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    I'm too lazy to feed egos on Tinder. Which is what it seems to be 90% of the time. I'm happy with my cat. I live in a lame demographic though.
     
  7. Zeppo595

    Zeppo595 Contributor Contributor

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    Have used them but they require an enormous amount of time. It can be 'fun' but insane amounts of checking/messaging/organizing dates that fall through etc...

    Like Cave Troll, I decided to focus on living my life in a way that also involved meeting people and hoped it would work out organically.

    Eventually I did meet people so long as I kept being somewhat active in terms of going out of my house and experiencing new things. I feel like putting THAT as the focal point over dating/meeting someone leads to less disappointment. It also builds dignity and skills which also make you more attractive. So yes NOT pursuing can lead to what you want.

    But at the same time, if you don't go directly for what you want, you don't get it. And it can feel a bit false like lying to yourself saying 'I'm done with all that!' when you don't believe your own lies and are almost repressing that side of yourself with other activities.

    I think it's very degrading to put yourself on an app to be swiped away like your whole life and existence means nothing. You can do that to others as well, of course. I find it dehumanizing.

    Complex stuff

    At this point, I would rather be alone than on a dating app and I don't really care that much about any of it anymore. Kind of checked out.
     
  8. Madman

    Madman Life is Sacred Contributor

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    Yeah, one could talk about the morality of it all for ages, but I guess it's the world we live in.

    Wonder what would be a better alternative? Some sort of AI or complex algorithm that you basically feed your entire life's worth of data to? Then it selects a match and you are forced to live together for a certain amount of time to see if you will be a good pairing. Hehe, getting Black Mirror vibes now. Come to think of it, swiping gives me Black Mirror vibes as well...
     
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  9. Francisco D Alp

    Francisco D Alp Member

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    I know two couples personally who did really well from online dating.

    I tried a dating app for the whole of last year. I put a lot of time into making sure my profile was accurate, not too long or too short, etc. I chatted to one or two people. There was one person I liked arguing with, but we both acknowledged that we weren't really sympatico. The whole experience wasn't terrible, but it did feel a little forced. I felt like it was some kind of sales challenge. To a degree, life is, of course. But it just felt a little inhuman.

    Like some of the above, I've fallen back into the "tidy your room/try to better yourself, and then see what happens" camp. Perhaps I'll go back to it one day, but I hope I don't.
     
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  10. frigocc

    frigocc Contributor Contributor

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    Just got out of a 6-year relationship that started on Tinder. Back on it, but with some added weight, so not going as well, lol. But that's alright. More focused on my comedy writing at the moment.
     
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  11. flawed personality

    flawed personality Contributor Contributor

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    I met many nice people through one dating site, and two developed into relationships. One lasted less than 6 months, and the other 3 years. I made the choice to be alone and focus on being comfortable by myself after those 3 years, and it lasted 10 months before @Cave Troll caught my mind here. I can't say he caught my eye, as it wasn't based on looks. But luckily for me he's the whole package anyway. :supercool:
     
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  12. Greg147

    Greg147 New Member

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    I met my partner through a dating app (OkCupid I think). Been together for 6 years and going strong. Dating online is a numbers game unfortunately, but then again so is meeting someone face-to-face. For every person you have a connection with, there'll be hundreds who you don't.

    There's enough sites out there now to find one that caters to your needs. If you're looking for something substantial, stay away from sites aimed at hook-ups, like Tinder etc. Most importantly, don't put people you've never even met on a pedestal!
     
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  13. Otterley

    Otterley New Member

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    I downloaded a radiocarbon dating app. It said my Significant Other was between 50,000 and 100,000 years old. Damn tech!
     
  14. alittlehumbugcalledShe

    alittlehumbugcalledShe Active Member

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    Back in September I got really bored due to covid and I started using a couple of dating apps as a bit of a social experiment (still a scientist at heart). I kind of felt bad about not taking it too seriously, but hey, I'm really specific in what I want, I've probably already found it anyway (just a matter of distance and timing now), and I wanted to know what it was like to partake in the modern world.

    So instead of choosing the best photo that I had, I chose the worst. Face screwed up, cow face, it was amazing. Just so that, if it all went wrong and there was radio silence, at least I could say it was the funny photo and shrug it off. It was just an experiment because I was bored out of my mind, anyway.

    I got 547 messages within about 36 hours. Still trying to work that one out.

    It was a bit scary, actually. I noped out pretty quickly.

    I get people staring at me anyway every time I'm out and about in public, but no one ever comes up to me. I've heard that I'm quite physically intimidating, and I tend to look straight through people anyway to deal with said staring, so that might be it.
     
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  15. SapereAude

    SapereAude Contributor Contributor

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    That was my experience, too, after my second divorce. I had pretty much determined that I was too straight-laced for modern women and I had given up hope of finding a relationship. On a whim, I accepted an invitation from a Jeep pen pal in South America to go on an off-road trip with his Jeep club. I met a lovely lady on the trip, we seemed to hit it off, she subsequently came to visit me in the U.S., and within a year we were married.

    Sadly, she died a few years ago of a pulmonary embolism. I haven't tried looking for another relationship -- she was incomparable.
     
  16. SapereAude

    SapereAude Contributor Contributor

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    Cradle robber!
     
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  17. Ellen_Hall

    Ellen_Hall Active Member

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    I think dating apps are evil. On them, you can be a highly-valued commodity or a poorly-valued commodity. Either way, you're a commodity.
     
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  18. Chreathor

    Chreathor New Member

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    I haven't tried, but soon will. To me, it is less about finding love/commitment and more about finding some interesting people to socialize, discuss, debate, and then see how things move from thereon. As the commodifying factor is true and terrifying, my search filter would only be to find the fraction of the percentage beyond appearance, beauty, money, and shallow mondedness.
     
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  19. Zeppo595

    Zeppo595 Contributor Contributor

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    I don't use dating apps but arguably the same is true with face to face dating, unfortunately.
     
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  20. Ellen_Hall

    Ellen_Hall Active Member

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    Sad but somewhat true. I've heard some "dating scenes" start getting difficult when you're in your late-twenties.

    That's brutal. We might as well be talking about entry into the porn industry here; it's that savage to people.

    Anyway, this got dark.

    Sorry, OP.
     
  21. Authentically Adrian

    Authentically Adrian Member

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    Currently Reading::
    Pet Semetary by Stephen KIng
    Yes, found two people I really liked. One broke my heart, the other still likes me.
     
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  22. Friedrich Kugelschreiber

    Friedrich Kugelschreiber marshmallow Contributor

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    I don't think it's really unfortunate...necessary may be a better word. Dating is an essentially discriminatory activity.
     
  23. Zeppo595

    Zeppo595 Contributor Contributor

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    Well, it is a bit unfortunate that when you present yourself to the opposite sex, you're basically presenting yourself as a product

    Man:
    Hey look at me I wear these clothes which show I'm a casual relaxed guy (not too fashionable because that might make me look uptight)
    I hope the confidence I am trying to project gives off the aura I am successful in my chosen field
    and the way I am talking make it seem like I have great social value

    Would you like to try my product?

    I know you have 1,000 other possible choices at your fingertips but think about. Thank you :)

    ------------------------------------

    Could it be different? Could people be liked for who they are? *scoffs* Forget who you are. It's supply and demand. What does the customer want?
    Be like that. What's the competition? Be better than them.

    Eh...good luck out there.
     
  24. Naomasa298

    Naomasa298 HP: 10/190 Status: Confused Contributor

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    No dating. Pandemic. Lockdown.
     
  25. SapereAude

    SapereAude Contributor Contributor

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    So is shopping for lettuce at the local supermarket ...
     
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