Hi there, I am trying to create a paragraph in between a longish monologue to break up the monotony (something I struggle with) and I kind of like what I wrote but something is telling me it might need some help and I just wanted to get your thoughts if it sounds OK or not. I read it so many times to myself I can't even hear it anymore. Thank you . . . Professor Bennet pauses a few moments, allowing the echoes of her voice to silence in the poor acoustics of the large rectangular lecture hall.
I'd say it's adequate, but overworked. No need to belabor that the acoustics are bad, the echoing is enough to indicate that. Also, saying the hall is rectangular is gilding the lily. I'd only mention the shape if it were unusual. If you want to stretch the break a bit, add an action, not a static description. Maybe something like: Professor Bennet pauses a few moments, allowing the echoes of her voice to die in the large lecture hall. She sipped from her water bottle before continuing.
I agree it's overwrought and think so much can be assumed—I figure you could use the barest of sentences to get your point over: Professor Bennet pauses, her echoes quick to fade. ^ If I read the above as a standalone line. I'd imagine a lecturer in a large hall. You've also got the benefit of her prior monologue as a guide too.
I agree with the inputs you have so far and I would add ....Professor Bennet allowed the echoes of her voice to silence the lecture hall.
If you're going for description, here's a way you can break it up. 1) describe the setting 2) link it to character (the Prof) 3) place the character in it So, something like this: Description of lecture hall (mahogany siding, teak parquetry, vaulted ceiling, etc.) Mention that acoustics weren't kept in mind. Professor Bennet's voice echoes into silence. The pause is implied by the echo. Anyway, you have to always consider how you're moving from the setting back to the character. That "poor acoustics" bridge leads right into it pretty well, I think. So it's a good place for description.
Every time I write something here I get such incredible feedback and this time is no different. Thank you all so much for your help. I really love this community!!
