1. scribbledhopes

    scribbledhopes New Member

    May 2, 2008
    Likes Received:

    Help with Pronouns

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by scribbledhopes, Nov 30, 2011.

    I have been struggling with my Pronouns, and I need someone as a sounding board. When writing, I find myself wondering when to reintroduce the proper noun as a refresher for my reader. I have been doing it by the flow and length of the paragraph or what sounds right when I read it aloud, but I wonder if there are rules I am not following.

    Please consider my example:

    Anthony stood and regarded the problem. He knew somewhere near his right foot the tiny screw must have fallen. He had actually heard the little bugger bounce of the dry leaves on his lawn.

    He took a deep breath to calm himself.

    Looking up he considered the sky. Dusk was winding down to the unforgiving darkness of night, and with it any hope of finding the screw. It wasn’t like he could replace the screw; it had an odd shape and a hole that went through the shafts center.

    His wife Sharon looked down upon him from the back deck with amusement on her face and one raised eyebrow.

    He knew it was a lost cause in the dark. If he had listened to her he would have been better off; assembling the grill in the dark had been foolish. Carefully he stepped away from his work area, he didn’t want to crush the screw into the soft grass, and made his way back to the porch. He knew he needed the light of his camping lantern or he would never find the screw.

    What he wasn’t looking forward to was the large serving of Crow that came with it.

    Where would you reintroduce Anthony again? I was thinking after I introduce Susan. At that point my reader has two people they need to keep track of and maybe a proper noun is warranted. When I proof read the example the first thing that becomes apparent is the abundance of pronouns.

    Is there a rule to pronouns that I just haven’t come across that state so many per paragraph, or maybe, all new paragraphs must begin with the actual proper noun?

    Any help would be appreciated, Dave..
  2. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Nov 21, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Coquille, Oregon
    there's no rule... it's just a matter of style... but overuse 'he' and 'his' et al. should be avoided... here's how you could have cut down on their number:

    ...there are now only 8 pronouns relating to the guy, compared to the original version's 21!... hope this helps...

    love and hugs, maia
  3. architectus

    architectus Banned

    Aug 19, 2008
    Likes Received:
    Great rewrite Maia.

    Scribble, the only reason I would use his name again, is if the new person introduced was a male, but she wasn't.
  4. Manic Writer

    Manic Writer New Member

    Aug 24, 2010
    Likes Received:
    Hayling Island, England
    My contribution...

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