How can I further develop this warrior fantasy story of mine?

I found this thread to be very entertaining.

 

I shudder to think of the rivalries that would develop between 30 wives. Chinese emperors encountered this, and they weren't even wives, they were concubines.

 

I read the OP, and lost interest at the second paragraph.

The main character seems to be a Marty Stu, or at best, a caricature.

So what's his goal in the story, apart from to not get laid?

 

At the risk of feeding an elaborate troll, I'd say you either need to limit the love interest of the Knight to a small number like two or three, or do the opposite and go all in and make the virgin maidens the focus of the story and not the knight. So don't limit it to 30, make it something like 48, so sort of like AKB48, but it can be like VTC48 for the Vatican or VES48 for the Vestal Virgins. You could then split it up into sub-teams like Team A, Team B, etc. but give it some fantasy angle like Team Fire, Team Wind, etc. each with 12 members and the main characters would be the leaders of each sub team, and in the separate quests or novellas you could explore the individual team members.

You could even have a separate group like CON48 for Constantinople 48 or even ANT48 for Antioch 48 and some evil warlord captures them and controls them with a magical scepter and do like a crossover story/battle with the original 48.

The possibilities are endless.

 

I’m going to skip the book and wait for the pornhub adaptation.

 

How about, there are 156 vestal virgins, and the knight's goal is to catch 'em all. Maybe he's got a magical Virgindex that tells him about each one, and a catchy theme tune.

 

Lol pocket maidens

 

I think you're onto a winner here. This thread has over 700 views and 57 (now 58) replies?

For what it's worth, my suggestion is start the action 10 months after that fateful night when all 30 virgin nymphomaniacs decided they want a child. There's only need for brief, non-explicit reference to that terrible night when the Knight boy was used unspeakably, objectified in ways he didn't think possible, followed by 3 weeks on a saline drip and a further 5 weeks of intensive physiotherapy so he could stand straight again. 10 months later and there's something suspicious about facsimile 7 and facsimile 12, the way the look at each other and he's sure they were holding hands that time...Facsimiles 18 through 23 seem overly fixated on the TV repair man and given this is 2 thousand years ago with no satellite signals, there's no innocent explanation for having that 65 inch flatscreen. And now, all 30 wives have fucked off to the pub, leaving Knight man alone on a conveyor belt of dirty nappies, bottle feeding expressed milk, burping, puke wiping, coochie coo until he's no longer capable of adult conversation and then nappies, bottles, burps, puke, coochie coo while expected to have those damn ceremonial gowns laundered and ironed.

It's got it all, action, conflict and my favourite character arc-heroic to broken.

 

The night the boy became a MAN?

 

Knight Riders?

 

Makes you laugh, makes you cry. Makes you wince. I can honestly say reading your story, and the earnest attempts to critique it from other members, has brightened an otherwise arduous day.

I say start it your way, switch half way through to the @B.E. Nugent route, and in general just let it all flow out.

...

What indeed?

I'd barely survived to the end of the thread. Then I see you have another thread opened today and was reminded of a punch-line from the Life of Brian: "[Pause]... He has a wife, you know..."

Too much. Have mercy.

 

When I started reading the new thread, I found myself laughing so hard that I woke up my cat. My goodness.

But then I got to the moose's sobering reminder that it's not actually funny to waste the time of our kind members who might be earnestly trying to help with critique. Which is fair.

 

I do feel a bit of shame and guilt, though, even though I had as much fun on this thread as anybody else… what if the original poster wasn’t trolling, but perhaps simply naive? Or perhaps even on the autism spectrum?

 

Yeah that's the thing. Once it's clear someone is most likely trolling, suddenly everything that went before seems silly and obvious, but to make that determination takes some time and a bit of back-and-forth done in good faith.

 

What do you mean by facsimile?