My protagonist's father, Dranolin, was approached by a warlock called Dalgorax, who was helping these creatures called seed-cats create and breed an army of regrowable soldiers. Dalgorax wants to use them to conquer the united continent of Romanal and wipe out the knight-mages, a wizarding order that arrogantly presumes to police the entire world. Dranolin hates both those groups, so he readily agrees to assist. Dalgorax builds connections and secret alliances in preparation for the war he intends to start. The seed-men multiply and are trained into a formidable fighting force. Everything is shrouded in secrecy, lest the knight-mages discover their plot. But then a knight-mage comes to Calmorian, and rather than killing him, the seed-cats gladly show him their handiwork. Dranolin interrogates a seed-cat as to why. The seed-cat explains that a knight-mage named Sithafa, who was a seed-cat, wanted to replicate the seed-cats' resurrective abilities in humans in order to provide a defense for Romanal, which abolished its standing army years ago in a gesture of peace. When Dalgorax approached them, they assumed he was acting on Sithafa's wishes. My problem here is that it's very easy for Dranolin to assume Dalgorax lied to him, rather than to the seed-cats. I need Dranolin to flee the island and rendevous with Dalgorax in one of the nations he's secured an alliance with. But I need some way for Dranolin to know that Dalgorax will protect him instead of betraying him and hasn't been deceiving him this entire time.
Okay I have a couple of issues with this. Dranolin sounds like some kind of drug and Dalgorax is straying a little too far into the realms of Eragon and you don't want that comparison. Also they shouldn't start with the same letter. Here are some of the top of my head to replace them with, to avoid any criticism later on: Dranolin --> Draalin (make it even more fantasy --> D'raalin) Dalgorax --> Varax Send (surnames on warlocks just look and sound better, it gives them a real weight that they otherwise might be lacking with a single name) Also Calmorian sounds like the race of people who live in Calmoran, so you might want to change that as well, along with the continent name to Romana, the (L) only makes it difficult to say. Anway, ignore all of the above if you want, they're only suggestions! Seed cats are a wicked idea, I really the sound of those, but when it comes ot a warlock showing his loyalty, you really need to think about what magic they're using. Perhaps you MC's father is dying or has some kind of affliction they've had since birth. Perhaps the warlock fixes the problem as a show of good will. OR, maybe the warlock gives the father an amulet or relic of some kind that provides protection and an overall boast to health and vigor. If that was the case then the warlock could be duping the father and the amulet turns out to be a weapon. Suddenly killing the father would create a really great, unexpected twist in the story and set up the emotions and tension for the final confrontation between the warlock and the MC, if such a thing were to happen. Hope this helps, happy writing friend!
My question is why Dalgorax went to Dranolin to begin with. Did he have resources that no one else had, or was it because Dalgorax knew Dranolin hated the knight-mages? If it's the latter, I don't think Dranolin would have too much reason to doubt Dalgorax, as your warlock could have presumably gone with working with other knight-mages if he was loyal to them.
Well, I don’t know if I’m changing the names, but I do know that D’raalin doesn’t sound like a human name, more like orkish or demonic. I think the last syllable might be the issue. Dranogar, Dranobal or Dranosco don’t sound like drug names, do they? I might have a few options there. As for Romanal, you’re just putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable. It’s pronounced like Romanoff and rhymes with Tylenol. I might change Dalgorax’s name though. I didn’t give him a last name because he’s an elf, but I could change the way elf names work. If I were to change it, perhaps Nalgorax, Algarac, Nalcaru or something along those lines would sound less Paolinian? And what would you suggest I change Calmorian to? For your plot suggestions, I like the idea of Dalgorax rendering Dranolin a service that proves his goodwill.
