How do I create a gay character without being disrespectful?

1. Of course I'm willing to write him other than a stereotype - that's why I posted the question.
2. Misconceptions? Everything I "know" about gay men, cannot be wrong - those misconceptions came from somewhere.
3. What's wrong with a pair being of a masculine half and a feminine half? the natural order (DO NOT DARE TO CONFUSE ME WITH SOMEONE WHO IS ANTI-GAY) the natural order of life and procreation, in ALL species, plant and animal included, is to have each pairing with a feminine contribution and a masculine contribution, having a relationship with someone/thing of the same sex, is only un-natural in that offspring cannot be produced, so even if you are attracted to someone of the same sex, there's nothing to say that a man cannot be attracted to another man who is more feminine in his ways, or a woman to a woman who is more masculine in her ways.
4. Normal? HA! I have been through too much in my life to know what normal is. I absolutely hate the word normal, there is no normal, so please don't paint me in that light.

 

for the sake of Chase, A&B are linked.

I'm 16 years younger than my husband, because of that, I'm more likely to know what's in the top ten music charts while he doesn't.

 

Look, I get where you're trying to come from here, but please, just stop.

 

Of course it can be wrong. It can absolutely be wrong. Why would you ever assume that it couldn't be wrong?

Think of the incredibly racist depiction of blacks in the movies of the 1930's and 40's. Many people "knew" all sorts of things about blacks from those movies. And what they "knew" was wrong.

I just saw a performance of An Octaroon, which retained some of the language of The Octaroon, the play that is its subject. An "octaroon" was the term used for a person who is one-eighth black. The retained language was simply breathtaking in its elegantly-phrased utter wrongness.

There's a huge, huge difference between saying it's possible for two people of the same sex to choose to play those roles, and expecting it and assuming that it's an inherent part of a relationship--and, worse, reaching for one detail and assuming that it's connected with another. You are operating under immense misconceptions. Immense.

 

This might be a bit controversial, but I will take that risk. Art is freedom, don't let yourself be constrained by political correctness.

 

...or accuracy?

 

Okay, when find out I (a person who for all outward appearances seems to be straight white male) dated a guy before, pretty much the most asked question that's asked is, "So which one of you is the woman." It's implying that somehow you liking other guys makes you less of a man. Like you're somehow not quite human. Usually this comes from people who are either threatened or ignorant of such things and would rather belittle it and minimalize it than understand it. The answer is, neither one of us. This isn't like North and South or up and down. You don't have to have one without the other. It's more like you go to a restaurant and you want a two steaks and no salad, or two salads and no steak, or maybe even a steak salad. Yes, most people have both a steak and a salad, but just because you've never had two steaks at a time, doesn't mean it doesn't count as a meal. Just because every relationship you've ever been in has had a masculine and a feminine side that doesn't mean that that's how all relationships have to work.

 

I don't know the type of work he's writing. But he's not bound to be accurate. He should mold his characters according to his preferences and in accordance with his story. At least that's what I would do.

 

Guys. Factually wrong vs morally wrong. You're talking around each other.

 

Because just maybe, somewhere in this vast universe, there a little spec of dust, on which you are wrong.

 

I'm fairly sure that we're both talking about factually wrong. Who do you think is talking morally wrong?

 

I'm not the one making huge assumptions about a substantial percentage of the population based on a bunch of fiction and two real-world examples.

 

I know that's not how all relationships work.
And I for one, would never ask someone in a gay relationship, who the woman is. That's just not on.

That being said, why can a man not be attracted to a feminine man?

Why can't a man be feminine?

 

That's not the point. The point is that a man being feminine (or using a particular handshake that I wouldn't call feminine, I'd just call nonstandard) is not going to tell the reader that he's gay.

 

A substantial percentage of the population? I'm writing ONE character, and you are talking like that one character can not be the way I've described him.

 

Did you honestly think that would be the only 'indicator' I would write about him?

 

I agree. It's one thing to be intentionally disrespectful or create characters that fit with your prejudice/stereotypes about a particular subject, and the other to limit your creativity in order not to upset somebody or to conform to current social trends. One way or the other, no matter what he does, it's going to cause controversy.

 

@ChickenFreak Why did you think I came on here asking for help?

Because I don't want to get this wrong. I would've been happy with a list of "don't say this" and "do say that".

 

That is totally not what I'm saying. What I started out saying was that a particular handshake is not evidence that the character is gay. And now a big bag of stereotypes is coming out, and I'm saying that those stereotypes are not accurate, and that drawing your understanding of gay men primarily from fiction is not a good method of research.

I'm curious--do you understand that you have probably known a much larger number of gay men than you're aware of? You never responded to that. Do you even understand what i mean by that?

 

But it's not an indicator at all.

The indicators that a man is sexually and romantically attracted to other men is to depict or refer to those sexual and romantic attractions. That's all. Nothing, nothing else is required.

You can write a man who doesn't happen to refer to a sexual or romantic relationship, make him a pivotal character throughout the whole book, and then add one comment where he says, "Hang on, my husband's calling," as he picks up his cell phone, and you have a gay character.