How do I say this?

Help! How can I get this across in a way that is far less awkward than this?

"The good news for those locked up in the security of a tall tower, was that it signified that they were a pretty valuable prisoner. So if they could avoid the headsman long enough, there was the possibility of being traded for something of equal value, or maybe even dramatically rescued. "

It's from a short article I'm trying to write on the history, use and meaning of towers, in historical and fantasy settings. I'm trying to say that if you were in a tower, you were probably a pretty valuable prisoner as opposed to those in the dungeons. And you may escape death and be freed at some point if you're lucky.

The piece started as a pretty flip idea for a blog entry, but I saw a chance to retool it and make it fit a magazine's theme issue, and I'm trying to make it a little more...elegant might be too strong a word. But you get the idea.

 

"The good news for those locked up in the security of a tall tower rather than consigned to the depths of the dungeon, was that it signified that they were a pretty valuable prisoner. So if they could avoid the headsman long enough, there was the possibility of being traded for something of equal value, or maybe even dramatically rescued. "

Apparently, being imprisoned in the tower didn't save Anne Boleyn.

 

Prison policy captured a curious blend of metaphorical with literal, housing prisoners according to their perceived value. At the lowest level, within subterranean dungeons, the lowliest scoundrels served their sentences in damp squalor. Higher ranked or valued prisoners were accordingly housed in elevated quarters, culminating in the Penthouse suite reserved for the most prized captives at the upper reaches of the secure towers. Provided they dodged the hangman long enough, they stood best chance of being bartered for favour or reward.

I would just say it’s an attempt at purple off my phone while waiting for 2 drunkards to get out of pub and into my car.

 

Involuntary shortening was an occupational hazard, that's true. I wonder if the quality of prisoner graffiti in the tower was a little bit higher than the dungeons.

 

Thanks, gents. Oddly, I hadn't even thought of the "compared to the dungeons" bit until I made this post. Funny how the mind works. I my case a little slowly so thanks for the help.

 

I would recommend this:

"The good news for those locked up in the security of a tall tower as opposed to the depths of a dungeon was that it signified that they were a valuable prisoner. So, pending their execution, there was still the possibility of ransom or maybe even a dramatic rescue."

I liked @SapereAude 's idea of the dungeon comparison and just wanted to further simplify it as I believe it would fit in something like a magazine article.

 

Yeah, I don't want them to think I'm inflating the word count to get more $.
Hmmm, come to think of it, their submission guidelines didn't mention a rate of pay....

 

You're getting paid for it? I thought the magazine mention was just an example. Bust out your thesaurus. Get that money.

I kid, of course. Kind of. I've never written for a magazine, but I imagine inflating your word count would make one look bad. And if they didn't mention a rate of pay, I'd confirm that pay before submitting. I can't really speak intelligently on that subject, though. Good luck!

 

Is the writing fairly formal, or can parts be expressed a little more informally?

How about something like 'Well, at least if you were in the tower you're better off than the poor sods in the dungeon.' Something along those lines anyway.

 

Thanks. Yeah, magazines opportunities have pretty much dried up in the past several years. When I saw the submission guidelines I wondered if I could tweak this and make it fit. Oh well, good exercise if nothing else.

 

Yeah, it started that way, but what I saw of the mag made me decide to change it to a little more...klassy.

 

Maybe...

"Prisoners locked in a tower rather than the dungeons meant they were valuable. Better yet, it meant there was still the possibility of ransom or even a dramatic rescue."

 

Those prisoners secured in locked towers had the advantage over those kept in dungeons. As long as they could avoid the headsman, they had value in trade. Also, rescue from a tower was more likely.