There needs to be some sort of inverse proportion law to mastering a subject vs how you feel about your work. The better you get, the more flaws you can see, the worse things appear. It's like progress is the key to pandora's box, but the monsters were already there, you just couldn't see them. Every once in a while though, you see or make something that checks out. I'm not going to say it makes everything worth it, but its what keeps me going.
Is it a problem that I pray to the God Emperor instead? . I should get more shit written then and offer them to the God. Thanks for the experience
That's true. At the moment, I don't know what keeps me going yet and some soul searching would help with that. Thanks for the experience
The works I've learned from are works that I loved when I first read them and then went back and re-read, maybe several times. If it engaged me as a reader, it may have something to offer me in my own quest to engage readers. But studying a work to inform your own writing is very different from just reading it for pleasure. Ask yourself what parts of the story most hold your interest and why. What is it about the main character that engages your empathy? What goes wrong in his/her life that you want him/her to overcome? What pulls the plot forward? How does the mc change over the course of the story? How does the mc impact the events of the story? Ask these same questions of your own work and see where you think you fall short. And if you find you are unsure how to portray certain characters, maintain/increase tension, have your plot flow forward logically, introduce subplots, describe settings, or any other identifiable component of a good story, don't be afraid to go back and study other works you've loved and see how they did it. Suffering from depression is obviously going to impact how you see your own work. If you are being treated for it (and, since you used the term "medically", I assume you are) talk to your doctor about the effects both the condition and the treatment may have on your creative pursuits. As for the other three items you mention, only you know if you are trying too hard or trying to be "original". As for fanfic, I suspect that writing a story from within an established milieu is very different from creating your own milieu. Making the jump may be difficult, but is a necessary step in finding your own voice as a writer. Good luck.
