My MC is a teenage cadet at a military academy, where he has just been accepted to a prestigious officer training program. This program will blend book learning with in-field learning, and the commandant who leads it will be absolutely brutal. He'll be essentially the primary antagonist for the first part of this three-part story. I need him to be intimidating and imposing right from his introduction. I want the scene to be tense before he even enters the room, and then I want it to be clear that this class of young cadets is terrified of him. What are some ways that I can do this?
I would go and look up "characteristic moments" because ideally you want the first meeting with any character to tell us more than just one thing.
Let's see -- - Have everyone be tense when he enters the room, even if there is no rational reason to do so. - Have someone talk about this person, whether fact or rumour. - Make him speak in a sharp, determined, but low volume manner. - Make him command someone and they instantly do it. - Emphasize self-control. The scariest people are the ones who have complete power over their emotions.
All this is basically what I would have written in response to this thread, so...just quoting it! Intimidating characters, whether or not they are in a place of power, whether they are bad guys or good guys (I have intimidating good guys both male and female in my own story) are so much fun to create.
I did this with a military character. She's the LtCol of a military base, and when I say this woman is brutal, that doesn't even begin to describe her. I introduce her by way of visual first, and start building from there. First mention of her: As if his words were heralds of their arrival, lights appeared in the distance. Soldiers—perhaps forty in all and well-armed—emerged from the south entrance gate marching in a two-line formation toward the station. It was an eerie sight. The headlamps on the soldier’s helmets swayed in unison with the men’s synchronous march, creating the vision of a monstrous, luminous centipede slithering its way down the dark and winding hill. At the end of the procession strode a woman, a tall and slender figure wrapped in darkness and barely visible. Beside her was a creature, tremendous in size and black as the night. It paced warily back and forth, growling as it ambled through the shadows with its nose to the ground. With a flick of her hand, the woman motioned to the animal. It raised its head to look at her, then bounded up a hill and vanished into the thickening murk of the dense woods. “What is she doing here?” Jessup asked. “Hold your tongue, Corporal, before you lose it,” the sergeant growled, though Milford was just as curious as Jessup as to why she had come. The unexpected presence of the officer could only mean one thing: trouble. So I set the stage for things not going well right from the outset. From there, Ryder's effects on the officers and the soldiers in the scene, as well as the non military characters is described from my POV, such as how a person reacts to her, ie sweat on his brow, trembling hands, inability to speak clearly, etc. Those feelings are supported by the haughty, arrogant manner in which she interacts with them. She is cold and callous, and isn't someone to be trusted. In the next excerpt, a train's engineer and conductor are being questioned by Ryder, and I think this part illustrates my point: Carter released his grip on the driver, allowing him to fall at the lieutenant colonel’s feet. Arthur remained standing, shaking violently as the soldiers held him firmly upright. “¡Por favor, Señora!” the engineer begged. “¡Yo no sé nada! ¡Yo solo manejo el tren!” “Really? You don’t know anything?” Ryder asked sarcastically. “If that’s the case, then why so nervous? Men who have nothing to hide should have nothing to fear. You two look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” “Who wouldn’t be nervous?” the conductor retorted angrily. “Your men just shot at us!” The lieutenant colonel turned her head slowly in Arthur’s direction. She opened her mouth as if to say something, then hesitated. “I can see your point,” she said, “but I’ve been watching you quite closely. You’ve been acting squirrely since you arrived, and that makes me curious as to why.” She tapped the man cowering on the ground with her boot. “What about you, my quivering little friend? What’s got you so riled up?” The engineer peered hesitantly upward, sucking in a breath and quickly lowering his eyes upon seeing the name and rank of the officer before him. “One hears stories, Colonel.” “Stories about what? About Elderwyld?” “Sí, Señora.” “Really? How fascinating! What sort of stories have you heard? Have you heard any about me?” she asked in a teasingly flirtatious voice. “Eh… Sí, Señora.” “Are they good or bad stories? Be honest now. We’re making progress here.” “Perhaps… not the most pleasant kind, Señora. But I am sure they are exaggerated,” he added quickly, forcing a smile as he glanced timidly up at her. “Oh, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Ryder suggested. “You’d be amazed what a girl like me is capable of in a place like this.” The engineer’s strained smile quickly vanished. Things go rapidly downhill from there, I'm afraid, lol. Does that help?
Whispers and rumors are good. The more truthful they are is actually more scary, compared to the more wild speculations. In my unfinished sequel novel, there is a point where I have Corporal Corlixia heading to an enemy installation in her warframe, when the CO of the base uses a private channel to broker a deal with her. Main reason being, the CO has heard credible rumors of other secret bases being hit, and their CO's getting some rather extremely unpleasant deaths. Also doesn't help the fact that she is hyper intelligent, and still learning to understand certain emotions, that are the driving force behind her vicious activities. And yet she is a fairly decent being deep down, despite trading one destructive trade, for another. I guess where I'm going with this, is that actions speak louder about an MC, than their words. So a skinny teen facing someone with a zero tolerance for BS is already going to be intimidating to them. If not, then they are gonna learn real quick.
Good point @Cave Troll! Very easily a person can be perceived as intimidating, if his actions are out of the norm or simply not what the viewpoint character is used to.
I would work on conveying body language, and how people non-verbally respond around him. Things like your character leaning forward in an intimidating way, physically looking down at someone, people being alert or silent around him.
I was just thinking of this while watching Silence of the Lambs because they did such a good job of introducing Hannibal before he was ever in scene and then when he is seen it just feels powerful. Multiple people drilling into Clarice the "rules" of just being in his presence. The importance of not saying or doing certain things to a man in a cage who should be powerless. The other inmates acting wild and have barred cells as Clarice approaches. Then you get to him and he has reinforced bulletproof walls instead of bars and is just standing there calmly with a smile. It's sort of chilling. Clarice is just absolutely terrified looking just talking to him. She appears on the brink of tears the entire time and her voice wavers despite her best attempts to be confident.
Watch FULL METAL JACKET. The problem is to believe the Commandant’s actions to the reader. The protagonist may just see him as an out and out bully. The reader or viewer in the case of FMJ sees hard disciplined routines designed to save that soldier’s life in combat. Band of Brothers however shows a very different officer played by the actor David Schwimmer. The viewer sees a very different view to that of the men. Starship Troopers the Commandant is loud and aggressive, but also shows how capable he is. This demonstrated by him throwing a knife through the hand of a boisterous cadet. Introducing an intimidating character depends what you have instore for that character’s arc. Starship Troopers he knows all the answers, opens the protagonist’s eyes and becomes a hero figure. He’s introduced as a one-armed school teacher that’s strict. In FMJ shock and awe play into this new environment. His introduction is brutal and frightening. However, there is a reason behind his actions... Other films have tried to copy this scene and failed. I think your character needs a strong open that leaves no doubt he controls the environment your MC is in. This in every quarter from physical to mental. The MC must be left fully resigned to the fact he controls everything within his world. The MC placed in an unfamiliar setting and having his normal life routine turned upside gives the perfect entry for your character. That’s what makes it work... Just an idea MartinM
Understand the difference between "scary" and "intimidating" characters. That's the most important part. Screaming and violence tends to paint a character scary, but not intimidating. Does the opposite in my eyes; it showcases that the character "must take matters into their own hands" and have no other choice to resolve a situation but violence. It shows that a character /lost control/ of the situation, and /lost control/ of their emotions. This is showcased in Snatch perfectly. Brick Top is an intimidating character. One of the first things we learn about him in the story is that if you cross him, you're fed to a pack of pigs. Contrast a scene where he is calm and has the upper hand. With a scene where he had just lost a great deal of bets & is unnerved. You could go safe and take the "scary" angle. Have him scream at people Full Metal Jacket type. Or go the more intimidating part. Play on the unknown. He enters the barracks and everyone lines up. The main character doesn't know why everyone is so unnerved, shaky. The commandant enters, trailed by a pair of soldiers. He walks down the line with a neutral expression. The soldiers within knew that one of their teammates didn't properly make their bed. They occasionally glance the bed's way. The commandant doesn't even turn his head; seemingly ignoring everything but the lined up soldiers. He slows down briefly ahead of the one who made the mistake and looks into his eyes. The only soldier given this gesture. Then continues to the end and doesn't say any other word but "Dismissed." before leaving. The protagonist & the rest of the trainees go out for training, but the one guy whose bed wasn't made is nowhere to be found. Only later do they learn he was discharged from the team. Just a quick brainstorming, but hope you get the idea. I always bring up the most intimidating character ever, Hans Landa. It is obvious that he knows far more than he lets on. He communicates this through very, very slight gestures that make the characters consider (and hope) that it's just a coincidence. But does not use the knowledge. Pretty much showcases that he could do anything, but simply chooses not to. And every single scene he is in. He takes the spotlight, takes over control and micro-manages every single action of all other characters. They are so much afraid of him, and so much under his control. Brilliant antagonist.
Reputation, foreshadow and a maybe a move that puts the boys in a vulnerable position. Waking them up out of a sound sleep, catching them off guard in the showers, buzzing off the new cadets hair in front of everyone and nicking his ear. Little details to keep the mood tense helps too.
I've written the scene in question, using advice from this thread, and it so far two of my beta readers love it! I decided to go with the in-control character type; he speaks firmly and with purpose, but not loudly. He conveys his points with his word choice and disciplinarian tone rather than yelling and profanity. For example, my MC arrives to class late (not even really "late", just last), and the commandant immediately singles him out and gives him a lecture about the need to not be sloppy, claiming my MC thinks he can get by on his grades alone, but will likely flunk out of the program if he does not change fast. He does this in front of the class, not with intent to humiliate (though that is a side-effect), but to make an example of him and use it as a teaching moment. Basically I used everything GraceLikePain said - those were great suggestions! It also helps in this scene that my MC has already been established as a bit of - to be frank - a slob. The commandant is right, my MC really does think he can skate by on test scores; he's still riding high on finding out he scored in the top 5% in recent exams, and this scene snaps him back to reality and shows him how much further he has to go if he is to make it through this program, much less perform well in it. This unrecognized arrogance puts him at odds with the commandant, who says he has "seen many cadets" like my MC before, and that most fail the program. This helped provide tension between my MC and the commandant, while also providing a solid basis for my MC's future character development. The responses from MartinM, Lazaares, and peachalulu came after this scene was written, but those are also some good ideas - after all, I'm not done with the commandant yet, so I'll keep these in mind for future scenes!
