I like @Cat Cherry's answer very much. Flirting doesn't necessarily have to be sexual - there are BABIES in strollers who, I swear, flirt with strangers just to get some attention. The big eyes, the shy smiles that turn into something more if encouraged, but mostly, the attention, the way the damn babies make their target feel special and singled out and fascinating. Not all of them do it, and I have no idea if the ones who flirt as babies grow up to flirt as adults. But I think the skills are all the same. That said, I think I may have a problem with matching "flirting" with "violent anti-hero". Are we looking at a sort of sociopathy, where he's smooth and charming on the surface but violent and anti-hero-esque underneath? I'm not sure I'd use "flirting" as the word to describe what I think a character like that would be doing. I'd see him more as a seducer, like all that pick-up artist crap--treating women like targets rather than human beings, etc. Flirting, in my definition, is fun and generally mutual. Seduction has an element of manipulation and therefore a lack of consent. Which is your character engaging in? I think you'll write the dynamics quite differently from one to the other.
I think @Cat Cherry and @BayView made good observations here, so you'd probably want to start developing your character's development and behavior from there. I'm intrigued: what do you mean by the lack of consent? Do you mean (pardon the crude example) he says he's rich, she consents to sleep with him because the notion of wealth intrigues her, but then it turns out he lied, therefore no consent was actually given because the reason she gave it didn't really exist?
I'm not sure I'd characterize seduction as necessarily non-consensual. Of course it's manipulative, but the fun of flirting and seduction is that two (or more ) people are having fun mutually manipulating each other. I know there are a few times that I've been seduced and had a hell of a lot of fun during the process. The situations when somebody was using and/or lying to me for sexual gratification are situations that I would be more likely to characterize as just straightforward deception and exploitation.
He behaves "normally" in typical situations. Perhaps a little sociopathy shows in his lack of caring for whether these women expected more or not, and he shows no remorse for killing villains or people who attack him. People who meet him see him as a normal, outgoing, maybe a little rude risk taking guy. His real violent tendencies show when he sees it though. It first shows when he comes across a freshly murdered corpse. It is somehow familiar to him, but he doesn't quite know how. While others puke or turn their heads away, he smirks a little. And when he gets into a deadly fight, he gets excited, if a bit reckless. It is odd to him later. He doesn't know where it comes from. This is very plot important though, for he is a mage, and many mages, in their quest for mastery of a certain magical practice, go psycho at some point, but it slowly develops over time, unlike with him. His already-sociopath tendencies are related to his immunity to this magic induced madness.
I think I would redouble my advice, then. One of the markers of sociopathy is a glib charm that most sociopaths can turn on and off when they want to manipulate other people into doing what they want.
To me, if it's seduction, it's not mutual; it's one person pressuring/tricking/manipulating the other. Could two people seduce each other? I guess, like two people could both by lying at the same time... And yes, to me, if there's deception there isn't true consent. Like, if someone asks to borrow your car in order to drive her elderly mother to church and then you find out she actually used your car to rob a liquor store, you'd be within your rights to be pissed off. You consented to the loan under one set of circumstances, but didn't consent to the loan under the actual circumstances. Similar thing with sex - if a seducer tricks someone into believing a certain set of circumstances and those aren't real, then there wasn't really consent, and there's a problem.
Flirting: "You're fabulous. You wanna?" Seduction: "Of course you wanna. You promised. You led me on. That thing you're wearing says you wanna. You can't seriously be saying no. I wanna, so you owe it to me. If you weren't worthless you'd say yes. Etc., etc., etc." Or, to put it another way, flirtation is a delighted question. Seduction is a demand. Yes, I'm simplifying. But that's how I distinguish them.
That's not seduction at all, whether you're simplifying or not, it's being pushy. Granted, I don't think there's a huge difference between being pushy and seduction, but the latter is generally more subtle, no? I'd call it one sided flirting; one person persuading the other onto sex, not by demanding it outright or telling them they want it, instead inducing that consent/wanting through treating them well, acting very interested, and so on. I don't like either, but they're as different as persuasion and coercion.
Well, I didn't mean that anyone would say any of those exact words. I meant that those are the messages beneath whatever words they do say.
I kind need advice on writing about flirting or any love relations, because I'm the eternal virgin type of person, and I'm clueless about these.
I kind of agree with you, but not totally—although I do like the notion of the delighted question. However, it's perfectly possible to flirt with somebody even if you don't actually want or intend to do anything more with them. You're not necessarily asking a question. You're just playing around and the other person is playing too. I think flirting is simply a bit of fun. You can flirt with the postman or the shopkeeper or the bus driver, can't you? Flirting doesn't usually have any intent behind it. In fact, if flirting is misunderstood and the other person thinks it is an actual come-on for sex, it can turn into quite an embarrassing or distressing situation. Obviously flirting CAN mark the start to a relationship or trigger a casual sexual experience—you have noticed this person, enjoy your encounters and maybe even look forward to them—but until certain lines gets crossed, flirting is just suggestive fun. Seduction, on the other hand, has a seriously-focused vibe to it. It's usually a deliberate step-by-step attempt to get somebody into a sexual situation (can even be marriage, if the situation calls for it.) It doesn't have to be violent, or ill-intentioned, however. Many happy relationships are the product of one or the other partner 'seducing' the other. Romantic dinners, little gifts, extra special attention, etc—all the tools of seduction. There is nothing wrong with persuading/manoevering or even tricking somebody into thinking of you 'that way,' as long as they aren't coerced into doing something they don't want. That's a lot different from batting your eyes at a bus driver if he calls you 'doll,' or exchanging bawdy banter with the shopkeeper when you buy your paper. That's just flirting. .......... I just had a thought that surprised me. I have never ever been able to flirt with somebody I was actually attracted to. I don't know why.
This is true, and I should have clarified. I was thinking primarily in terms of the OP's specific "womanizer" character, who as far as I can tell is not interested in play.
For what it's worth, I'm not sure if he'll have that much success cheering up girls by merely complimenting them. If he were to chat her up, he'd first have to make sure if she's even up for it. If she appears morose, standoffish, leave-me-alone-ish, he'd have to approach her more tactfully than that. Maybe begin with something more mundane, like asking if she knows where place X is, or if she's got light; an innocent conversation-opener. When he gets the conversation going, he can move on to more suggestive subjects, or jokes, but if he's charming, if he's got good social skills, he'd be able to read the woman and adjust his behavior accordingly. With some people you can afford to be more explicit and open, with others you need to make sure you don't "scare them away." If he's a ryan gosling, he can get away with more pushy behavior, especially if the woman is confident and in control, so she could use him for sex as much as he'd use her; a mutual agreement that may be based on lies, but since it comes down to having a good time in the sack, none of that really matters. If he pulls his tricks with a woman who's inexperienced and impressionable, there may be casualties and this could affect your reader's perception of the guy negatively (which is probably fine 'cause if he's an anti-hero, he's bound to have negative traits). He could even mistake an impressionable girl to someone who knows exactly what they're getting into and then cause some kind of conflict relevant to the plot or your character's development. The last thing you want to do is read tips by pick-up artists, btw. What I've seen is absolutely dreadful and I have no idea how they ever manage to pull a girl. I guess some of them can appear truly genuine and nice, but... I haven't been convinced so far. As there's a chance your character will come across slimy and creepy, you could try to write him to have a more innocent and playful persona. It can all be an act, but it's going to give better results. I basically got to witness that dynamic a while back when I went out with a bunch of colleagues. Two guys were going after the same girl, and she responded way better to the playful, bright-eyed type than the sort of pushy, double-entendre obsessed guy who, e.g. pulled her to dance with him (it wasn't even the kind of place where you'd dance) and she was laughing, but she was also clearly awkward. The other guy didn't touch her that much, and when he did, it was relatively innocent, like to get her attention when he had something to say. But again, what works for one girl, won't work for another (I'm reminded of the "elevatorgate"). If you have a chance to go out with people, you might be able to get some ideas to your character.
You can go two ways: Watch movies and TV shows that portray this kind of character and make notes. The drawback here is that because it's another writer (and an actor and director) who've created these characters, it's not going to be as lifelike as... going to a bar and observing. Well, frankly, I don't know if people try to pick each other up in bars any more, but if not, there must be someplace this kind of thing goes on. Oh, and make notes. Making notes is always essential. Three! There are three ways you can learn about this character (he said in his best Monty Python voice) Go out there and learn how to be a playa. Put an ad on Craig's list (or wherever) to enlist a coach, then drink in all the knowledge. This will give you the best all-around feel for the character because you'll know what's going on inside as well.
It's not so awful, really. Another approach you could take (it didn't occur to me before that you might not be male) is to treat his flirting like any other character goal. What's he trying to do? Get the woman into bed? Start a relationship (albeit a short one)? What does he want her to think he's up to? And for dialogue, ask yourself (after figuring out what he wants, etc.) what you yourself would respond to. Also, write out a number of scenarios where he's trying to pick someone up. After a dozen (or thirty or a hundred) you should get the hang of it.
That's true. Before I met my (eventual) wife, I found that I could get away with some really dumb pick-up lines if I knew in advance the woman was attracted to me. During my time as a working musician, there was almost always at least one woman who wanted to hang out between sets, so I rarely had to work at it; I could just be myself. Not so much after I started acting, though. Most women assume male actors are gay and so don't bother with them unless they're stars. Which brings up another point: status. If the man is someone considered to be desirable for whatever reason—an entertainer, for instance, or he holds a high-profile position—he'll get away with using the tiredest old drivel to meet women. Take away that status, and he'll have to work a lot harder at it.
This is actually a very good point and I have to agree. More than likely a real woman wouldn't respond positive to either of the comments, there would probably be a lot of eye rolling and a whole lot of not getting laid. You write that your character doesn't care what other people think of him, which leaves him not afraid to use woman without any real care for the repercussions. He's not a completely despicable person as he isn't a rapist but that doesn't mean he wont use a girls emotions to get what he wants. Use that in the situation you wrote. You state the girl looks almost upset and is staring at her phone. Make him come off as a sweet and concerned but incorporate the occasional touch. Nothing overtly sexual mind you maybe just a squeeze of her hand or maybe lift her chin with his finger and asking if she is alright. She's vulnerable and he can exploit that by being gentle and kind in actions. Really he needs to be adaptable, changing his tactics with each conquest. He doesn't have to be overtly flirtatious just be damn good at reading people and the situation. Good looks, adaptability, charisma, and reading the situation is what i think someone needs to be a good womanizer, not necessarily the ability to flirt.
Status is a good example too. Being well dressed maybe he has a suit he wears specially for picking up girls that is expensive when he normally wears a cheap suit or designer jeans if that's more his style. Girls like a guy who is well put together even if it seems like its effortless. In 'how I met your mother' they tease ted because it takes him forever to make his hair look the perfect messy style. Manners and being well spoken also is attractive. Also reputation can be useful. Maybe your character has a reputation for being good in bed, that would attract a certain type a girl and not require him to do much flirting of any kind. He can be a flirt and not a womanizer or a womanizer and not a flirt. They aren't mutually exclusive.
I'm sure you can get a whole lot of ideas from a book that may be called How To Be A Womanizer. There are plenty. The science of flirting is actually pretty easy. Step One: Pay Attention to them. Step Two: Get near them. Step Three: Say something. In each step, just think of a scale of progressive things. The easiest to the hardest. For example in step one: Easy: quick glance. Hardest: stare at their ass when they are looking For example in step three: Easy: Hi. Hardest: Do you want to fuck? Hit all the in betweens and you have plenty of ideas on how to escalate things.
The key word is dominance. But if you want a credible womanizer, give him resistance. In the opening line, he could say something witty, and if you want him to go all the way in their first encounter, give the girl a drink. Your anti-social protagonist would be filling up her glass. I suggest you see the new adaptation of War and Peace, if you're looking for inspiration. Fedya Dolokhov is an outstanding antihero, and he's portrayed masterfully by Tom Burke.
Since we're in the character development forum, I'll share with you the advice I find most valuable. It's to look for excellent descriptions and reverse engineer what works. When I read that someone is "charming, confident and a tad arrogant", the only thing I learn is that the narrator thinks he is "charming, confident and a tad arrogant". If you want to convince me, show me through his actions and words. The most intriguing characters are those that seem real, and figuring them out is part of the pleasure. Dan Brown didn't use the word confident once in this description, but you're left with a clear impression of a confident man. Captain Bezu Fache carried himself like an angry ox, with his wide shoulders thrown back and his chin tucked hard into his chest. His dark hair was slicked back with oil, accentuating an arrow-like widow's peak that divided his jutting brow and preceded him like the prow of a battleship. As he advanced, his dark eyes seemed to scorch the earth before him, radiating a fiery clarity that forecast his reputation for unblinking severity in all matters. In first person peripheral you could get away with describing your protagonist like you did. But I assume you're narrating in the third person, and if you offer your opinion on a character, the narrator protrudes and becomes part of the story.
Having only read so many of the comments, I'd like to offer a story of two gentlemen I knew; One was tall, gaunt, a little on the heavy side with a bizarre sense of humour backed by relentless honesty. The other was small, sallow, low voiced, well spoken and extremely well educated; he had only to look at girls to make their knees tremble. The difference between these two men was like the difference between a neon billboard towering over the city and being gradually fed mouthfuls of honey until it's ten years later and you can't get out of bed anymore. The tall man would see a girl, walk straight across the room, ask her name and profess his attraction to her in a calm, collected manner while asking if she was spoken for. The small man would make no such approaches, relying on an instinctive repertoire of intimate body language, politeness and layers upon layers of conversational subtext until a girl became so overwhelmed with tension that she would throw herself at him. Both men would be described as 'womanizers'. Both men were considered 'smooth', although the two of them had very different ways of going about it. What united them was unrelenting self-confidence and a personal flair for engaging other people in ways that suited their personality. If you flesh out your character, their background, who they are, the source of their confidence and the idiosyncrasies of their manner then you'll find from this the way in which they embrace their own sexuality. I hope this helps.
Well from the understanding is that if you are built into a cookie cutter standard of beauty shoved down your throat. You know the guy has to be an adonis chiseled out of marble and muscle, and the woman has to be thin (or what ever they are pushing these days) with large breasts. So basically look like something that is impossible to achieve when it comes to looks. Then after having the ideal standard in your favor, the rest is pretty easy. All the beautiful people just basically spend ten minutes or less, and bam they will decide they are an item or not. Brain not required, though there are those that have a charm about them despite falling into the cookie cutter standard. And then there is people like me, we are not worth even a participation ribbon. I know that sounds cynical coming from a divorced guy (what can I say, I work hard and am good in bed. Might as well offset things by being better than the next guy, which I wish was a lie but my ex-wife reminds me all the time about it.) Anywho, enough about the sad life of this guy and back to the point... Body language and eye contact are a big factor (look it up cause this post will be way to long if I took the time to explain). Also having engaging conversation (I am a writer amuses no one in the age of the izombie). The more detail (Ironically this pisses me off) you put into the topic your discussion the better the odds. I read a lot on dating for people like me, should have looked up the guide to global domination instead, but I digress. So for best results in the land of dating: Be above average attractive, be mildly interesting, and be good at picking up all the subtle cues. And tada flirting. Can I has bottle of bourbon now?
I would argue most people are decently attractive. At least in my experience. I look around at the guys in my school (in my year obviously). They're all fine. It's just the gay ones aren't my type. I end up with a crush on a straight one instead. (sigh ) Hollywood standards may be unrealistic, but I'd argue it's more lack of diversity than how high the bar is. Some people find somewhat plump guys cute. And there is things like this; http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Adorkable.
